


26 facts about us

by miniutiae



Category: NINE PERCENT (Band)
Genre: Comedy, Epistolary, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Slow Burn, Tags will be updated, Yanjun is a caring independent young man, Zangjing is a rich heir, Zhengting roasts Zhangjing all the time, and a brat at first, but really brief, he's a cinnamon roll but kinda sad, slightly dark themes, there are mentions of homophobia in the first chapters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-12
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2019-07-11 13:31:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 59,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15973313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miniutiae/pseuds/miniutiae
Summary: "Oh don't worry, I'm as straight as the lines on your textbooks you probably aren't going to study since you're getting a whole 20% privilege," the boy smirked."Wow who would've thought I'de be judged like this by a stranger whom I don't even know the name of!"Zhangjing said, rolling his eyes."Yanjun. Lin Yanjun."The boy stated.





	1. The morning bliss of You family

**Author's Note:**

> My first multi chaptered fanfiction in English. I hope it turns out well, I'm not really sure.  
> Things about China's educational system in this story are not real. (But let me tell you, they actually exist in other countries.)  
> anyways the information written here is not that accurate. (The university names are, actually.)  
> The company names and side character names are all imaginary.  
> Hope you enjoy!

A peaceful morning. Rays of sunshine lighting up the big dining room, shining on a 4 member family gracefully eating their breakfast in a comfortable silence. It was a normal, ideal morning.

 

"I want to get married."

 

The daughter choked on her orange juice not so gracefully, followed by a simultaneous, shocked "What???" Coming from the parents.

 

"Oh God calm down. I didn't mean like actually, _really_ getting married and get myself involved in the cursed life of a married man."

He explained.

 

"What do you mean by not actually getting married while you just said you wanted to get married, Zhangjing?"

His mom asked, handing her daughter a tissue to clean her chin, now covered in orange juice.

 

"Well, you know I'm taking the exam for starting my master's degree, right? I thought about it a lot, and I need this _married student privilege_ to survive. That's my only option."

Zhangjing said, sipping his coffee.

 

"There is another option and it is _studying_ , you know."

His sister dead-panned. Zhangjing rolled his eyes.

 

"Zhi Ruo is right. This idea of yours is a bit...I don't know, it seems too much."

His father stated in confusion and disbelief.

 

"Oh come on what is the big deal about it? I just have a fake marriage, give uni my certificate and enjoy the 20% privilege."

Zhangjing nagged. His parents exchanged uncertain looks.

 

"Sweetie you know about our family's position in society. What will the news say if we fake a marriage? Or end up announcing divorce to escape the fake marriage headline?"

His mother asked calmly.

 

"We don't have to make it public. If we pay enough attention, it will be a secret between our family, my fake-wife's family and the uni economics department."

 

" _Fake-wife_ oh my God he's so persistent about this."

 

Zhangjing rolled his eyes, again, and shoved a Luo buo gao in Zhi Ruo's mouth in order to silence her.

 

"We...we need to think more about this. Give us some time." His mother said.

"Okay, " zhangjing said cheerfully. "Just that I don't wanna go through what I experienced for the entrance exam, you know." He smiled brightly at his parents, now looking extremely uncomfortable, exchanging worried glances. He also caught her sister shaking her head in disapproval, knowing what he has done with that _one_ simple sentence.

Zhangjing got up and went to his room, falling down on his bed and grabbing his phone, he went through his Instagram followings. All familiar youth from families in his own social class, Checking any account related to a female, trying to find one studying in Shanghai, probably preparing for the same level exam.

His hand stopped moving and he smiled.

"Found it!"

________________

 

That one simple sentence sure did wonders. His parents announced their approval that night. Took a bit longer than what Zhangjing expected, but still acceptable.

 

"But it has to be at least from a good family, it is fake but we can't let you have a fake marriage with a nobody."

His father demanded. Zhangjing laughed.

 

"Oh trust me on this. It's not like I'm going to stoop low either. I may or may not know someone who is willing to have this fake marriage as well."

 

He smiled at his parents' amused expressions, bowed politely and left to his own room. He took out his phone from his pocket, opening his DMs and re-read his conversation with the mentioned someone this morning.

 

 

@mezhangjing

 Hey, Yang Mei Hua right?

 

@itsmeihua

 Hey.

Yeah, that's me.

Are you the Zhangjing I met during Ziyi's birthday party or..?

 

@mezhangjing

 Yup, that's me.

So I hope this doesn't sound too weird

But I saw your insta story, complaining abt pre-master's examination

And well same

So I was wondering if we could come to an agreement for a win-win situation.

 

@itsmeihua

 What kind of agreement and what kind of win-win situation?

 

@mezhangjing

 Studying less, still getting to study for master's.

which university do you go to btw?

 

@itsmeihua

 Fudan University

Spill.

 

@mezhangjing

 There is this 20% privilege for married students, in SUFE as far as I know since I attend SUFE.

Anyways I was thinking of a fake marriage and using this privilege.

Since I just need 80% of the last accepted student percentage

to be allowed for attending Master's degree classes.

 

@itsmeihua

 Meh, you have it easy it's just 15% here.

You know what

I was thinking about this for a week now tbh

I wanted to go search for the opportunity but the opportunity found me lol.

I'm in.

 

@mezhangjing

 Nice.

Well, talk abt it with your parents if you haven't yet and message me tonight.

 

@itsmeihua

 Okayyy.

 

@itsmeihua

 It's all good.

When are we settling a day to meet? To talk about the details.

 

@mezhangjing 

 Great.

How's this weekend?

 

@itsmeihua

I'm okay with it.

You can set the time and place.

Oh and my mom is coming too since she is still kinda reluctant.

 

 

He smirked at his phone. He went back to the living room where his mother was reading a book, father watching TV.

"I'm meeting with Meixi group's daughter this weekend. To confirm everything about the fake marriage." Zhangjing announced.

 

"You were talking about _Mei Hua_ earlier??"

His mother almost dropped the book in her hands.

 

"Yup."

 

"That was...unexpected."

His father stated.

 

"Well, I'm just that good with words. Anyways we're meeting this weekend. She's bringing her mom, which I believe is _unnecessary_ , so I think you should come along too."

He said to his mother. She sighed and nodded.

Zhangjing smiled at her. Took his phone out of his pocket and sent a message.

 

@mezhangjing

 Saturday, 6 pm, seesaw cafe


	2. The amazing (crazy) way to save your privacy

**Zhangbrat** :

Remember when you said no one is going to tolerate me other than my parents?

Well jokes on you

I'm getting married

And you're not invited

 

**Zhuzhu** :

You are getting what now??

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Married

I will bring you some cake tho

I'm not that heartless

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Is it one of your lame jokes cause it really feels like that

Quit it I'm busy studying

 

**Zh** **a** **ngbrat** :

I don't call visiting 18369 skin care product websites studying

 

**Zhuzhu** :

You

Ugh

Okay hahaha I laughed okay now stop trying to make these lame jokes

 

**Zh** **an** **gbrat** :

 Why don't you believe me you shit?

I just came back home from marriage registration office

Being a good best friend, I texted you immediately

 

Zhangjing burst out laughing when his phone rang, an incoming call from the person he was texting just now.

 

"Well hello. I see you're angry that I'm not inviting you."

Zhangjing said teasingly. However, his smile turned into a pained expression when Zhengting literally screamed:

"What on earth You Zhangjing what do you mean you are getting married you can't even get your own life together how are you going to take care of _TWO_ lives??"

 

"Oh wow thank you that was such a nice comment."

Zhangjing frowned.

"However, I'm not actually marrying someone you idiot it's a _fake marriage_. Nothing more than a certificate to show to my University."

He continued before Zhengting could have another outburst.

 

"For wha- oh... Oh my God, Zhangjing can't you just _study_ instead of faking a whole goddamn marriage for just 20% privilege oh my God!"

Zhengting stated. Zhangjing could feel him facepalming on the other end of the line.

 

"Oh, you know me Zhuzhu. Of course, I can study it's just that I don't _want_ to do it."

 

"For the millionth time, stop calling me that!"

 

"Okay, Zhuzhu."

 

"I hate you."

 

"It's mutual."

 

"'I'm hanging up. Bye."

 

"Bye bye Zhuzhu!"

 

Zhangjing laughed, Then suddenly, he remembered something.

"Oh, I forgot to mention the actual thing ugh."

 

However, thinking about it now, texting him his crazy decision (yes, even crazier than the one he just talked about) and then not answering Zhengting's furious phone calls would be so much more entertaining.

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Oh, I forgot to mention.

In order to stay safe from any kind of you-should-actually-marry-her-she-is-a-decent-girl recommendations from my parents

Which are likely to start happening midwinter maximum

Since the girl is Mei Hua (Meixi's group daughter. But that's a top secret. The whole situation is.)

I'm going to find a fake date so both my parents, her parents and the girl herself stay tf away from my love life

Oh and the date is going to be a guy

No way they pressure me into something if they think I'm gay

Which I'm not

But that plan is going to work

hopefully

So yeah

My plan is to walk in the street rn and find someone

Wish me luck lol

 

"The call comes in five, four, three, tw- Zhu Zhengting you've grown so impatient since last month."

Zhangjing laughed as he put his phone on silent and lazily stepped out of his room, heading to the streets.

Not that choosing to lie about his sexuality was his first option. After two weeks of thinking about it, since the cafe meeting, when he saw the satisfied smileon his mother's face, he has known that his mother wouldn't mind if this marriage wasn't fake, since Zhangjing is actually close to the age of marriage, so he planned a fake relationship for himself.

 

When he saw the way their families clicked too damn well today when they spent literally 19 long minutes talking, not only about the economy, he realized only faking a relationship won't stop the power his family holds over him. So he chose to fake something more important, to lie about liking _men_.

 

He decided to really do this. As he always says and was a given since his childhood, _what Zhangjing wants, Zhangjing gets_. Even if it's asking for a fake temporary relationship from a total stranger on the streets.

Sure, he was kind of nervous about it, but not enough to stop him from straight up running towards a stranger he saw walking on the pavement after 15 minutes of wandering.

 

The boy looked his age. He had a pair of white headphones on, was wearing a denim jacket, color matched with his ripped jeans, and a plain white t-shirt underneath.

 

He stopped right in front of the anonymous boy, panting from his 40-meter long run. Maybehe should've attended those gym classes.

 

The stranger, who was in his own world until now, stopped too and looked at Zhangjing with amusement as he took his headphones off. well, he was tall. Zhangjing slightly regretted his decision of running to this stranger. (Not that he was not tall. He was...average)

"Um, can I help you?"

 

The stranger asked politely. Voice gentle and modulated.

 

"Yes, yes you can."

Zhangjing said, trying to stabilize his breathing. The stranger waited.

After several seconds, when Zhangjing could talk properly, he put on his confident smile and started:

"I need a fake boyfriend to prevent any kind of breaking the privacy of my love life from my parents. It's not like I'm asking you to act like an actual boyfriend for a long amount of time, I'm asking if you could _act_ like you're dating me probably only two or three times till the end of spring."

 

The boy stared at him, mouth agape in incredulity of what he just heard. After what felt like hours to Zhangjing, he closed his mouth, opened it again: "What?"

 

Zhangjin's smile dropped and a small frown took place.

 

"See I know this is a little weird-"

He sighed, just to be interrupted by the boy who seemed to be getting angry.

" _A little_??? This is literally the weirdest, most awkward things I've been asked in all my years of existence, what do you mean _a little_??"

He said, words screaming disbelief, maybe anger?

Zhangjing was growing impatient. Who was this guy to get angry at him anyway?

 

"Listen up, it's not like I'm asking you to do me a favor, I'm trying to make a deal. You're not doing this for free!"

 

Those words seemed to have some magical effect on the boy if the way his tensed shoulders relaxed and his angry, shocked expression was replaced with curiosity was anything to go by.

 

"Are you saying this is some sort of a job you are offering?"

He asked cautiously. A smirk slowly founded its way to Zhangjing's lips.

"Bingo!"

The stranger looked like he was deeply thinking about it, so Zhangjing added: "We can discuss this further on that cafe right on the other side of the street. You don’t have to agree if you don’t want to after hearing me out."

He pointed at the mentioned cafe. The boy nodded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it starts. I will do my best to update frequently, chapter 3 will be uploaded soon.  
> Feel free to point out any mistake.  
> And thank you so much for your comments and kudos :D


	3. The importance of an heir position

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic actually has subscribers now wow I'm so thankful guys.

"So, you are basically going to lie about your orientation in order to keep everyone away from your own love life."

The boy started. Zhangjing nodded.

"And you want me to act like your boyfriend in front of your parents so they actually believe you, and I have to do this till the exam is done, and you receive your grades."

 

He continued. Zhangjing made an affirmative noise. The stranger sighed, before asking: "I won't have to do this for too many times right? I should only be in reach when your parents want to see the evidence of their son dating a boy, right?"

"Right. It won't be too many times, I _hope_."

Zhangjing answered with a grin.

Yanjun nodded and started weighing the options in his head. After two minutes of silence, he suddenly asked: "You are truly not attracted to men right? Because I will not be responsible for any kind of heartbreak if you fall for me somewhere in the way."

 

"Oh God, what's with that egotistical manner? and don't worry, I'm completely straight."

Zhangjing scoffed, then continued "But you know, I hope you are too because I am not going to be responsible for-"

 

"Oh don't worry, I'm as straight as the lines on your textbooks you probably aren't going to study since you're getting a whole 20% privilege," the boy smirked.

 

"Wow who would've thought I'de be judged like this by a stranger whom I don't even know the _name_ of!"

Zhangjing said, rolling his eyes.

 

"Yanjun. Lin Yanjun."

The boy stated.

 

"Feels less painful being judged by someone whom I at least know the name of. You Zhangjing, by the way."

He said with a small smile.

 

"Nice to meet you, I suppose."

 

"You too. And oh, this is a secret. The fake marriage. Don't mention it to anyone."

 

"Why?"

Yanjun asked, confused.

 

"Search my name on search engines and you'll figure out."

Zhangjing grinned and got up.

"I have to go. I'll text you whenever I feel like there is a thing or two you need to know."

 

He waved goodbye and walked away before Yanjun could say a word. He frowned, thinking about what he said about the whole search engine thing.

 

He entered google while sipping his mocha, typing the words _You Zhangjing_.

 

He choked on his mocha, staring at his phone's screen with wide eyes, coughing.

"Dammit Yanjun, what did you just get yourself into.."

 

Fake-dating the only son and heir of the biggest chemicals and fertilizers company in the whole country. Yup. That was fine. _Totally_ fine.

Perhaps he should keep his mouth shut about literally _everything_ related to this boy.

_________________

 

Of course, he should've expected such a reaction. And of course, his parents were only open-minded about homosexuality, unless it was about their own son.

"Since when?? Since when did you..you.."

His mother asked, anxious, pacing around the living room.

"Since when did I what, mom?"

Zhangjing said flatly. This has been going on for half an hour and he was growing more and more frustrated.

His mother stopped and sent him a death glare while pointing a finger at him and angrily stating: "You know what I'm talking about! Since when did you figure out you like..you like..men?"

 

Seriously, why did she look this pained from saying that simple sentence?

 

"Ummmm, I don't know? I just figured out I like this boy and we started dating."

Zhangjing said, shrugging.

 

"Oh dear God!"

His mom whined.

 

"We are taking you to a therapist as soon as possible."

His father spoke for the first time in the last 30 minutes, and the furious outburst of his wife.

"You- what? Therapist??"

Zhangjing said in disbelief.

 

"Yes, yes! A therapist! Thy is a great idea honey!"

 

"Mom!"

 

"Be quiet Zhangjing!"

 

"You can't treat ones with a different sexuality than your own like _ill_ people!"

 

"I can if they actually are! Being attracted to the same gender isn't _normal_!"

 

"Then if something isn't normal based on your own standards, it's wrong??"

 

Zhangjing didn't want to believe the words his mother was saying and didn't want to believe that his father was actually nodding.

He wasn't being worked up because of himself, because he was not attracted to the same gender after all, but his best friend was. And his parents knew that, and now he had to hear his mother calling people like his own best friend _ill_.

 

He crossed his arms over his chest and huffed: "weren't you two always the ones saying homosexuality is okay if both of the people in the relationship are happy?"

 

At that, his parents started to get a bit uncomfortable. Of course, no parent wants to be considered a hypocrite by their own child.

He didn't wait for an answer, not that he really cared at the moment. He preferred letting them think about everything wrong with their irrational and seemingly _biased_ disagreement with homosexuality.

 

When he reached his room, the first thing he could think of doing was texting Zhengting.

 

**Zhangbrat** :

 

What happened to being all open-minded about being anything other than straight

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Shit

Things didn't go well?

 

**Zhangbrat** :

It was 35 minutes of one-sided anger and outburst from my mom

Feat my dad just nodding and announcing that I'm visiting a therapist asap

 

**Zhuzhu** :

That's

Okay that was unexpected

But

I don't think their problem is actually the fact that their son might be gay

like, being gay itself

I mean, if they had anything against gays they wouldn't let me be friends with you for like, 10 years

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Then what is the problem?

Oh shut up sometimes I feel like my mom likes you more than me, her own son

Her flesh and blood

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Yup that's my point

I mean, you are the only heir

An heir which is not going to marry a woman

and have grandchildren

continue the business through family

 

**Zhangbrat** :

What

oh

Oh

OH

 

**Zhuzhu** :

The more you know

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Shit dude I didn't think about this part

What should I do

I'm ruined if they find out I'm lying

They'll force me to actually marry that girl

I know them they'll do that

Zhengting what should I do

Oh my God I didn't think about this scenario

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Damn calm down

You go to the therapist

And pretend to be bi

Keep pretending till you two divorce

And then just tell your parents you broke up with your boyfriend

Figuring out you never felt something special towards him

Oh talking about your boyfriend

What was his name again?

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Oh my GOD

ZHENGTING WHAT WOULD I DO WITHOUT YOU

MY GENIUS BEST FRIEND

MY ONLY LIFELINE

THE ONE WITH ACTUALLY FUNCTIONING BRAIN CELLS

oh his name is Yanjun

Why

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Your sudden change of mood is always amusing to see

Hmmm

Do you have pics of him?

 

**Zhangbrat** :

No

Why

But I have his phone number wait

Oh wait Instagram found his acc

t e c h n o l o g y

Oh

 

**Zhuzhu** :

???

 

**Zhangbrat** :

He has 12k followers

So I don't like him

Anyways idk why you want to see him but here you go

****

**Zhuzhu** :

He is fake dating you, of course, I have the right to see how he looks like

Oh

OH

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Yes?

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Totally unrelated to our current conversation

but

Is he attracted to guys by any chance?

 

**Zhangbrat** :

ZHENGTING

 

**Zhuzhu** :

WHAT

 

**Zhangbrat** :

You are dating Xukun ffs

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Oh my God what kind of an EMOTIONLESS UNLOYAL STONE do you think I am

I'm just asking for a friend

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Yeah yeah

Tell that friend

He is straight

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Hmph one more handsome man gone

Sad

 

**Zhangbrat** :

Why did I even text you

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Because I am actually much better at handling your shit than you yourself

 

**Zhangbrat** :

I

Shut up

I'm going to sleep

Good night

Bitter dreams

 

**Zhuzhu** :

Salty

Goodnight brat

 

________________

 

Zhangjing had to admit, this was one of the most awkward silences he's ever experienced in his 23 years of not so productive life.

"You are straight."

The therapist said and raised an eyebrow.

 

"Umm, hahaha are you sure you heard all my answers right cause-"

Zhangjing started, clearly nervous.

 

"Yes. You are straight. Now tell me what is the reason you are lying to your parents about it."

The therapist, doctor Wu, demanded.

 

Zhangjing sighed. _Hopefully_ telling the truth would help him.

"Look I'm doing this to gain some power over my own relationships and social life. And I'm not going to drag it for too long. So it would be really, really nice if you just told them I'm bisexual."

 

Doctor Wu scanned his face for a few seconds before speaking.

"This is against my morals. And the law, you know that Mr. You."

 

"Yes, I do, and it'd be truly appreciated if you do me this favor. I'm not ready to hand in my whole love life to my parents yet. I need some privacy, and I need to draw a line between them and my relationships."

He explained, now more relaxed.

 

"And at the same time, you don't want to put your spot as an heir in danger, so you are choosing this method to always have a way to go back?"

Doctor Wu asked. Zhangjing nodded.

A sigh escaped doctor Wu's mouth.

"I hope you take responsibility for any consequences."

 

"Totally."

Zhangjing assured.

 

"Ask your parents to come in."

_________________

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Fact #1

I love food more than anything

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Umm, well hi

What am I supposed to do with that piece of information may I ask

 

**You Zhangjing** :

You are so formal it's boring

You need some basic knowledge abt me if you are pretending to date me

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Oh

Okay

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Anyways did you search my name

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Yes

And I'd like to ask how your parents reacted

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Not how I expected them to

But not that bad

I mean I just came back from a therapy session

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

I do not know your definition of bad

But that is actually a bad reaction

 

**You Zhangjing:**

idk they just

Aren't supportive of LGBT rights if it's about their own children

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

I see

 

**You Zhangjing** :

I reached an agreement with my doctor

That I'm Bi

And I may actually marry a woman one day

But it might take some time

Keep that in mind

 

**Lin Yaniun** :

Can't lose your position as the heir

 

**You Zhangjing** :

It's nice you get it

Anyways their behavior really softened after the doctor talked to them

And you might not have to show up anytime soon

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

That's a relief

 

**You Zhangjing** :

I don't know if I should take offense to that or not

Anyways you're welcome

 

Zhangjing stared at his phone like he was going to set it on fire with his gaze. It's been 7 minutes and..no reply.

 

He rolled his eyes angrily as he threw his phone under his pillow. Him, _You Zhangjing_ , being ignored by a _who-knows-what-his-family-background-is-like-or-what-he-does_? It was probably the first time someone has left him on read (other than Zhengting, who does that whenever he'a mad at him, and that's like, 5 times a week minimum) and seriously, it wasn't something pleasant to him.

 

Thinking that someone actually found replying to him less important than another thing to do, was enough to scratch his ego and leave him feeling _humiliated_ and _angry_. Because _no one_ ignores Zhangjing like that, even people who don't fully know him.

 

He decided at that moment, that he didn't like Yanjun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished watching Moonlight drawn by clouds and I'm so emotional rn, and the OST "My Person" isn't really doing me any favors by BEING THIS BEAUTIFUL AND SAD.


	4. The usage of emoticons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is longer than the previous ones.  
> I'd really like to know your opinions on this fic? I mean, it'd give me a more solid mindset for this, and probably the plot and how it's gonna develop.  
> I hope you enjoy :D

Zhangjing's grin didn't leave his face that morning. The reaction of the head of Economy department was hilarious when he saw the marriage certificate. Even more hilarious when Zhangjing talked about how this was a secret, he doesn't want anyone to know, and it'd be better if no one finds out. In other words, _you'll be in so much trouble if you let outsiders learn about this Mr. Xi._

 

He was welcomed by an unamused looking Zhengting and two cups of coffee when he left his last class and was on his way to the parking lot.

 

"Holy shit is that mocha??"

Zhangjing ran towards Zhengting, smiling widely. Zhengting rolled his eyes, despite cooing at his best friend's cuteness (obviously inside his head, he wouldn't let Zhangjing even _know_ he finds his sudden actions of happiness truly adorable.)

 

He watched as Zhangjing grimaced after sipping the coffee.

 

"Surprise. Espresso since you will not be going home anytime soon to get some beauty sleep."

Zhengting said, smirking.

"Why do you do this to me."

Zhangjing whined, following Zhengting to his own car, texting someone to get his own car and take it back to home.

 

"Should've thought about it when you made the offer to help me with my test."

Zhengting shrugged as he started up the engine.

 

"I'm not even good at algebra what was I thinking."

 

"Your best grades are your algebra grades you shit."

 

"Doesn't mean I don't struggle! And, it's better than all those probability things."

 

"Dude they're like, the most part of your major."

 

"Yeah, I know. Still, hate them. Where are we going by the way."

 

"A museum."

 

"What??"

 

"A library you moron. Where else???"

_______________

Yeah, libraries. Didn't really like those. They were boring, full of books, and struggling students with bags under their eyes, and a whole 10 Kg of books piled up next to them on their desks.

 

Zhangjing decided to be more than only an oxygen consumer in there and pulled out his The affluent society book and started to read it. He had the privilege, but he still had to study. He'd feel guilty if he didn't study and still get the permission to attend master's class, so he could at least review his books once till the exam, right?

 

Despite Zhengting's frustrated groans when he couldn't solve a question and then having to help him through the question until he could easily make the last steps, he was making a good progress. 10 pages in an hour, that was nice.

 

However, his peace of mind was blown away when he spotted a familiar face entering the library. He stared, obviously not so polite of him, but he _stared_. The said familiar face spotted him and waved at him with a small smile.

Zhangjing didn't wave back. But he still stared as Lin Yanjun walked to the librarian's desk, showed his card and made his way towards the bookshelves.

 

Zhangjing just rolled his eyes and tried to focus on his own book, and a rather suffering Zhengting right in front of him. He regained his concentration and continued reading with a satisfied sigh.

That didn't last long though, because Yanjun had just decided to plop down on the seat next to Zhengting.

He smiled at Zhangjing and voiced a quiet: "Hey!"

 

Zhangjing waved reluctantly and raised an eyebrow.

 

Zhengting, irritated, turned to see who dared to interrupt his deep, meaningful momentwith an equation that had just _too many_ letters in it.

His annoyed frown turned into a huge smile when he saw Yanjun.

 

Yanjun, now aware of Zhengting's existence, greeted him the same way.

Zhengting returned his greetings and started:

"Oh, by the way, I am Zhengting. Zhangjing's best friend."

He decided to ignore Zhangjing's scoff.

"I'm Yanjun, nice to meet you! I'm Zhangjing's uhhhh..."

He trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Oh I know the whole thing, I mean, I'm his best friend so.."

Zhengting said, showing his blinding smile once again. Yanjun, now obviously more relieved, nodded.

Zhengting turned around to face an unamused Zhangjing with crossed arms over his chest, shaking his head in disapproval.

 

"He seems angry."

 

Yanjun said in a low tone. Zhengting let out a dramatic sigh.

Zhangjing decided to finally speak since Yanjun's too friendly behavior was starting to irritate him. The boy pulled that shit last night and he had the nerves to actually act like he didn't _ignore_ Zhangjing's text? Unbelievable.

 

"This is a library. And you shouldn't be talking in a library, you know."

With that, Yanjun and Zhengting fell silent.

 

Zhangjing started to feel a small presence of guilt in the pit of his stomach. Not that he would ever admit, and not that he cared, but he treated Yanjun a bit harsh.

 

_He was the one who left you on read!_

 

_Well, he was also the one who acted all friendly but you decided to be a little shit and sulk and make him uncomfortable._

 

Uncomfortable. That is a word that could describe Yanjun at that moment. He was deeply into his book, but the way he slightly leaned his body to the left, farther from where Zhengting and Zhangjing were sharing a desk, was a sign of being uncomfortable, and the fact that he wasn't just simply leaving, showed that he really preferred being portrayed as a polite young man with actual etiquettes.

 

Sometimes, like right now, Zhangjing hated the fact that he was this good at reading people. Something he was taught since he was a high schooler because reading people is one of the most important parts of making deals with people and companies.

 

Deciding to end the small guilt he was feeling and spare his ears from having to hear Yanjun's chair squeaking under his continuous fidgeting, he took out his phone.

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Fact #2

Nothing bothers me more than being left on read

And it just came to my mind right now

If I don't say it now I'll forget to do it later

 

Zhangjing, hoping his excuse for suddenly sending that text was satisfying enough, watched as Yanjun grabbed his phone from the desk, opened the text, and how his eyes went wide and met with Zhangjing's. Zhangjing shrugged, feeling less guilty when a small smile appeared on Yanjun's lips.

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Is this why you looked like you wanted to murder me when I sat here?

You were angry that I didn't reply to your last text?

I didn't know it'd bother you that much

 

**You Zhangjing** :

I looked like I wanted to murder you with my eyes, which I think you are just exaggerating, cause I was angry at you for not replying? Irrelevant.

Am I a 5-year-old or what

I was slightly irritated since you might not know

But libraries aren't places to start greetings on

They are a place to study

In silence and peace

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Oh Okay I get it

I just jumped to a conclusion I suppose

But like

I don't reply when I feel like there isn't anything to say to the last message

I mean I'd randomly say something and start a new conversation but that's with my best friend

So

 

**You zhangjing** :

Just send an emoticon or something

Idk

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

You are

Strange

No offense

Okay I'll keep it in mind

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Good

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

^^

 

Zhangjing rolled his eyes at Yanjun's last text. All those emoticons and he chose this. Cringy.

Before returning to his book, he spotted Yanjun smiling a pleased, wide smile while putting his phone away.

______________

 

It took his mother one week to accept the existence of Zhangjing's (fake) boyfriend. She finally, finally asked about him one night at dinner.

 

"So, what's your umm, boyfriend's name, Zhangjing?"

 

She asked, slightly flinching at the boyfriend part. She has never even imagined asking about his son's _boyfriend_.

 

"Yanjun."

Zhangjing simply answered.

 

"Oh, okay."

 

Minutes of silence before she spoke again.

"So, umm, are things going..alright between you two? I, I mean, we don't even know anything about him and-"

His mother was obviously nervous if the way she was playing with her food was anything to go by.

Zhangjing sighed quietly, put his chopsticks down and smiled a reassuring smile at his mother. Although he was dying inside, since damn, even _he_ didn't know anything about Yanjun. One week and he hasn't asked anything about Yanjun from him, other than basic knowledge, that he was 23.

"Mom, don't worry about me. You had a long day at work today and you're tired, so we'll talk about him later."

He stated, still keeping his smile on his face. His mother nodded, seemed a bit calmer and actually started comfortably eating her food.

 

Going to his room, the first thing he did was to text Yanjun.

 

**You zhangjing** :

Hey

I just realized

That I know literally NOTHING about you

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Hello

What do you want to know?

I mean, I don't know that much about you either

And you never asked so...

 

**You Zhangjing** :

But you still know more about me

Than I know about you

I just need some information to tell my parents

My mom asked about you today and I had no idea how to reply

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Well I was born in 1995

And I’m so handsome

Well other things about me like my education and occupation

Aren't ones you can tell the truth about to your parents

 

**You Zhangjing** :

I’ll just ignore your second text

What do you mean

Why

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Uhhh well my social class is too different from you?

hahaha

I don't feel that comfortable talking about it

Just make up some stuff

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Fake boyfriend and fake information huh?

Okay then

I'll tell them you are studying French as your major

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

French?

Seriously?

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Why

It's prestigious

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

At least tell them something believable

Or like

Something I actually know about

I only know 2 french words

With the wrong pronunciation

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Why did you ask me to make up information about you if you were going to disagree with what I say?

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Dude chill

I'm just saying, French, as my major isn't that much of a good option

What about marketing?

 

**You Zhangjing** :

idk

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Marketing it is

 

**You Zhangjing** :

Whatever

But what are you actually studying now?

 

**Lin Yanjun** :

Oh my bad

My battery is at 1%

Look at this emoticon after your reply

(｡･o･｡)ﾉ

 

**You Zhangjing** :

You used...a kaomoji

And you didn't answer my question

But okay, bye

_______________

 

Yanjun frowned. Partly at himself, for lying, because his battery charge was certainly not 1%, and partly at Zhangjing, for unintentionally making him insecure about his education and social class.

Yanjun was always confident about his profession and position in society, but now that he was having small conversations with Zhangjing over text, and was doing a job offered by him, what he didn't want was the rich, well-educated boy to look down on him.

He sighed, putting his phone away and looking at his laptop. His boss' article displaying on the screen, ready for proof-reading (and correcting any wrong information, replacing them with right ones, since his boss was that amazing at _only_ using Wikipedia articles and changing the sentence structures.)

"The evolution of high heels hmph that's actually interesting for once."

He started reading.

 

"Wait there aren't any photos? They're gonna publish it like _this_??"

He scrolled through all the 3 pages, but not a single picture was found. Just a note at the end of the article, for Yanjun.

"Find some decent photos from the web and insert them here. And the article shouldn't be more than 4 pages."

He read the note, and scoffed:"at this point, you can just ask me to write the whole thing and then give me 0 credit for it huh."

 

He didn't really mind though. He was learning some stuff like the PA of the editor of a local weekly fashion magazine. He didn't receive the credit he deserved, but that wasn't really a problem when his salary was paid on time.

He sighed once again, stretched his hands and started.


	5. Broccoli and grammar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took so long, and this is such an awkward chapter I'm so unsatisfied with it but well.  
> next chapter will be up soon, since this one was uploaded so late.  
> (the chapter title and the beginning is the only good thing here tbh)

**You Zhangjing** :

Remember when I said I love food?

So here it is, an important one

Fact #3

I hate broccoli

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You WHAT?

 

 **You** **Zhangjing** :

What do you mean by what

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

How can you not like broccoli

Just

How??

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

What

You like them?

You like those weird-looking green creatures??

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

They are full of vitamins oh my God

And they are so cute

They look like small trees

I can't believe you

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You can't believe me?

I can't believe YOU

I don't trust people who like broccoli

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You are abnormal

well

The only people I don't trust are the ones who enjoy studying grammar

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

....

Why?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh my God

Don't say that you...

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

....

But why?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I am deeply scarred

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Okay look

You need grammar in order to talk and write properly

You need grammar to survive your daily life without looking like an idiot

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yeah keep trying to justify your abnormalities

You don't like broccoli

You like studying grammar

wow

 

 **You Zhangjin** :

You know what

This conversation is going nowhere

And I'm leaving

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You know you are wrong so you're running away

(︶︹︺)

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

First, I have a class to attend

Second, you use kaomoji??

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yes are you going to judge me ┐(︶▽︶)┌

Okay have fun in class

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

fUn

Thanks anyways

Bye

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Goodbye

______________

 

"I don't understand shit."

Dinghao groaned as he slammed his head against his desk.

 

"You say that every day."

Zhangjing said, not even looking up from his book.

 

"I _never_ understand shit."

Dinghao raised his head and glared.

 

"It's just that you sometimes try too hard. Take it easy, seriously. Half of us here don't have any idea what the professor said during that 90 minutes."

Zhangjing sighed and closed his book. His words seemed to calm Dinghao down a little bit.

"Gege how do you manage to stay sane and relaxed like this ugh I envy you!"

He said with a pout.

Zhangjing patted his head and said: "Well it's something I was born with, I suppose.”"

_And having a 20% privilege. But that's a secret._

 

His phone started ringing.

 

"Hello, Zhu Zhu."

 

"You know what, I called you to save your life but never mind. Bye."

 

"Yikes, how petty. What is it Zhengting?"

 

"...okay. So, I saw your mom at a convenience store today. And she started talking about Yanjun."

 

"I have a bad feeling."

 

"She was saying how she doesn't even know how he looks like."

 

"I have a really bad feeling about this."

 

"I may or may not have told her to just ask you for his picture..."

 

"You _what_???"

 

"Oh my God don't scream, okay? just send a picture!"

 

"Zhu Zhengting for the sake of everything good and holy in the universe, can't you shut your mouth sometimes???"

 

"Hey don't be mean! "

 

"I-"

 

He was cut out by the buzzing of his phone, announcing a text message.

 

"Hang in there, I have a message."

 

He checked the message without ending the call, and he really wanted to murder Zhengting at that moment.

 

"It's my mom and she wants a picture. A picture of us together..."

 

"Oh man, that-"

 

"Zhu Zhengting I swear to God-"

 

"Okay look I'm sorry but at least I prepared you?"

 

"Goddammit you provoked her curiosity and I hate you. I'm hanging up. Bye."

 

He finished the call before Zhengting could bring up more excuses.

 

So he had two choices.

One: tell his mother he cleared his phone’s storage and moved everything to his external disk yesterday and he has no pictures in his phone right now.

Consequences: first, literally everyone knew he never clears his storage and never moves his files to an external disk because he is _that_ lazy.

Second, his mom would ask him to show a picture from his external disk when he gets home.

 

He sighed. The second choice it was.

 

 **Son** **♡** :

Oh, we don't have a good pic together right now.

But we're going on a date today~

I'll take a selfie and send it to you

 

 

And right after sending it, he regretted his decision.

Why today why today why today-

 

 

 **Mom** :

Okay sweetie~

 

 

 

_Wow well done Zhangjing, you did great._

 

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Hey, can we meet up today?

It's um, work-related hahaha

 

He just typed the word hahaha, he just asked to meet up with Yanjun for the stupidest reason ever. To take a damn _selfie_ with him.

 

 **Zhangbrat** :

I hate you so fcking much

________________

 

Yanjun frowned at the text he has received _1 hour ago_. Why does he always keeps his phone on silent?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

When?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh wow you decided to answer

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Sorry, phone was on silent

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I would've asked you to come to campus but I already left

I'm uhhh near this shopping mall?

I'll send you the location

Hurry up

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Okay

I'm on my way

____________

 

"Really?"

Yanjun asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Zhangjing stopped playing with his fingers and whined: "Why?? This is important!"

 

"You asked me to hurry up for a selfie? A goddamn _selfie_ Zhangjing?"

 

"Stop nagging at me and let me concentrate on the filter that looks good."

 

Yanjun rolled his eyes. Finally, when Zhangjing was satisfied with the filter he chose, he started taking the selfie. And for a second or two, Yanjun thought this will be over soon and he can go home and enjoy his unfinished coffee and-

 

"Aah, I looked weird in this. One more time."

 

"Aaaaah my hair isn't right."

 

"Nooooo my nose looks big."

 

"Ugh no, why did I smile too much I look ugly."

At that, Yanjun finally broke his silence.

"Oh my God just take one picture and end this! By the way, you didn't look ugly in the last picture, stop saying things like that."

Zhangjing stopped whining to ask: "in which one?"

 

"The last picture you took. The one you said you smiled too much in it."

Yanjun answered. Zhangjing looked at the mentioned photo and grimaced.

"I look so terribly bad in this one."

He pouted, and Yanjun felt the sudden urge to pinch his chubby cheeks by instinct, cause when you are friends with people who have cute chubby cheeks (aka Quanzhe and Zhenghao) you just _can't_ resist pinching one when you see it.

 

He stopped himself right in time and snatched the phone away from Zhangjing's hand with a dramatic sigh.

"Learn from a professional."

He adjusted the angle of the phone and fixed the way their faces lightened up by turning the phone slowly to left and right, until finding the right angle.

He snapped _just_ one picture and handed the phone back to Zhangjing.

 

"Okay, this is acceptable. I'm sending it."

Zhangjing mumbled.

 

 **Son** **♡** :

We say hello~

[IMAGE]

 

 **Mom** :

Oh wow

Have fun hahahaha

<3

 

 

Zhangjing let out a relaxed breath.

"Mission completed."

 

"You're welcome. Did your mother say I'm handsome?"

Yanjun smiled hopefully.

 

"Well, not directly, I don’t know if her _oh wow_ was about you or the handsomeness of her own son."

Zhangjing said, looking at his phone. And he had to admit, Yanjun was good looking, not just good-looking, but his face was something really different and outstanding.

 

"Obviously not the latter."

Yanjun teased. Zhangjing sent him a death glare.

 

Yanjun gasped: "wow I leave my house in hurry and come take 100 selfies with you since you are never satisfied with one of them and I get treated like _this_? Unbelievable. I sacrificed half of my cup of coffee for this."

 

"Yeah yeah whatever, thank you."

Zhangjing said absentmindedly, typing something on his phone. Yanjun laughed quietly before walking out of the mall, leaving Zhangjing to deal with all his embarrassment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe that they have like, ONE selfie and they're both pouting in it like, WHY?? HOW?? so yes, I couldn't find a pic to put here.


	6. Ways a friendship can start

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Early Chapter like how I said. Okay but does anyone actually read this lol

For the next week, things went pretty smoothly for Zhangjing. His mother didn't ask for more pictures and actually left their _relationship_ to themselves.

The only thing (other than his once in 14 days therapy sessions) that was kind of new since he ran up to Yanjun in the street, was Yanjun himself.

 

He was a nice company, to be honest. He was fun to text, and Zhangjing wouldn’t mind having someone other than Zhengting to text sometimes.

 

Walking out of the campus gate, he suddenly bumped into someone.

He pulled back, rubbing his forehead, ready to send snarky comments if the person started accusing him of not paying attention while walking (which was true).

However, he was taken back when he spotted a familiar face.

 

"Oh! Zhangjing!"

Yanjun said, a big bright smile appearing on his lips. Zhangjing blinked and nodded.

 

"Um, Hi. What are you doing here?"

Zhangjing asked.

 

"I had to buy some stuff. Are you back from university?"

 

"Yup."

 

Yanjun and looked at the university's building. And Zhangjing could see something in his gaze, something like slight longing?

He shook his head. And then, he remembered something.

 

"Hey, are you free right now?"

He asked. Yanjun snapped out of his thoughts and looked at Zhangjing with confusion.

 

"Yes, why?"

 

"Well, you sacrificed _half a cup of coffee_ last time since I asked you to urgently come and take, uh, selfies. There is a good cafe nearby and.."

Zhangjing trailed off, embarrassed and started rubbing the back of his neck, avoiding eye contact. He then looked at Yanjun when he heard him start laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

He asked, squinting.

"Dude you don't have to! It's okay, really, I can make more instant coffees whenever I want."

Yanjun said, smiling, showing off his perfect rows of white teeth.

Zhangjing looked at the ground, wanting to jump off a cliff, and pulled at the strap of his backpack.

"I mean, I was going to get myself a coffee from there, so I thought..like..you would like-"

 

"Cute."

 

Zhangjing raised his head so fast his neck hurt.

"What?"

He asked in shock.

 

"Cute. Your actions are cute. Okay, I'll accept that."

Yanjun answered, shrugging.

"I'm not cute!"

He whined, and did the most stupid thing he could do at that moment to prove his point, he unintentionally hit his foot on the cement ground in a really childish manner. Nice job Zhangjing, nice job.

Yanjun who didn't fail to catch this action, smirked and said: "sure sure. Show me the way."

______________

 

Yanjun looked at his ultra caramel frappuccino with absolute love. And Zhangjing looked at his own simple iced coffee in, well, nothing. He didn't really like his drink. It had much less calories, right? So it was better, yeah, better.

 

Yanjun was too busy drinking his amazing sweet big ultra caramel frappuccino to pay attention to Zhangjing's sad stare at the said drink.

 

"Fact number 4, I love sweet things so much oh my God this drink is heaven!"

Yanjun wiped away his imaginary tears.

Zhangjing rolled his eyes. "Those facts are supposed to be about me you know, and over text."

 

Yanjun stared. "Who said that? The facts can be about me too. And.."

He grabbed his phone, typed something and smirked at Zhangjng.

Zhangjing heard his message notification, and again, rolled his eyes when he saw the text he received.

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Fact #4

I love sweet things

 

"Good now?"

Yanjun asked, his smirk still there.

"Can you stop smirking? it makes you look smug!"

Zhangjing groaned.

 

"No? It makes me so attractive, I mean.."

He trailed off, and directed his gaze towards a girl who was passing by their table. The girl immediately blushed and turned her face away and continued walking.

 

"See?"

Yanjun said, not dropping his smirk.

 

"Oh my God, you just scared her! The poor girl literally ran aw-"

Zhangjing was cut off by a paper being slide on their table, by the girl that supposedly ran away because Yanjun scared her by his behavior.

 

Yanjun took the paper, and offered a smile to the girl. She blushed and looked down, slowly walking away again.

 

"Scared, huh?"

Yanjun nearly burst out laughing, seeing Zhangjing's expression. The look in his face was absolute disbelief, and betrayal. Betrayal by a girl he didn't even know but just unintentionally made him look like a fool in front of Yanjun, not that he really cared, but Yanjun wasn’t that close to him for it to be okay.

 

"Dude close your mouth, it's not healthy for your jaw bones."

Zhangjing snapped out of his thoughts with Yanjun's voice, and realized his mouth was agape for too long now, probably looking like an idiot. And Yanjun was smiling at him too. Amazing.

 

"Amazed by my skills? I can teach you some of you want."

Yanjun said, sipping his drink with a straw.

 

"No thank you," Zhangjing huffed. "But I need you to be honest with me right now. Are you a playboy??"

 

Here it was, Yanjun was choking on his drink.

Zhangjing rolled his eyes and handed the younger a tissue.

"Tha-nk you."

Yanjun said between his coughs. Zhangjing nodded.

 

"But no, I am not. Oh my God, what do you think of me???"

Yanjun said after gathering enough oxygen for his lungs.

 

"I don't know, you seem like one."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"Wow Thank you!"

Yanjun said, sarcasm visible in his voice.

"I mean, I sometimes text some of them that give me their phone numbers? That doesn't happen often though. And by that, I've managed to find some actually good friends. So..."

Yanjun shrugged. Zhangjing looked at him with raised eyebrows, and a look that had a slight feeling of admiration in it.

 

"You seem really...sociable."

He mumbled. Yanjun smiled. "Yes, I can be called that. I have a really big friends circle. You should try that method too. It'll actually work."

 

Zhangjing smiled a watery smile and shrugged. "Not sure."

 

"Why?" Yanjun tilted his head and asked.

And that was the question Zhangjing never thought he'd ask. And a question he really didn't want to answer. But the way Yanjun was looking at him with expectant eyes and pure curiosity, it'd feel rude not to give him at least a small answer.

So he grabbed his phone.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Fact #5

I'm not good at socializing

 

He wanted to say  _communicating with people_ but he'd sound too petty, so he worded it like that.

He watched as Yanjun's eyes grew wide at the text, and as he raised his head, looked into Zhangjing's eyes, and for a moment, Zhangjing felt like he could see right through him, and he didn't like that feeling. He felt too exposed and he hated himself for spilling that information about himself and what if Yanjun wanted to ask more about this and-

 

"I'm not the one to judge but your iced coffee will taste so shitty if you don't drink it soon."

 

Zhangjing let out a breath he was holding and drank his iced coffee as Yanjun said.

______________

 

"Dad you seem so tired today."

Zhi Rou said at dinner. Their father indeed looked very tired.

"Too much work in the company."

He smiled and shrugged it off.

Zhi Rou nodded, not quietly believing it. Their mother seemed really concerned, but they could all say she was doing her best not to show it.

 

Being the older child of the family, and the heir, Zhangjing could actually guess what was wrong. Too much work never made his father this exhausted, he knew how much his dad loves his job, so it should be something else. The most he knew, was that another chemicals company wanted to make a deal with them. He couldn't see the problem with that, since every day, lots of deals were made between companies and their company wasn't an exception. But he decided not to ask further questions, he didn't want to pressure his father.

 

Checking his text messages was the thing he did every night before going to bed. It was a routine now. But since meeting Yanjun, it was more of a strict rule to check his texts before sleeping. The fact that the person he could talk to wasn't only Zhengting now, made up a huge amount of reasons why he checked his phone more often. He did have other people to talk to, of course, but they weren't even a little close to him. And he didn't just randomly text someone for the sake of spending his free time. But talking to Yanjun (and Zhengting) was comfortable. He didn't know since when, but somewhere in the past month of knowing Yanjun, he started to feel less stressed while texting him, although Yanjun's position in Zhangjing's life was now not-a-stranger-anymore-but-also-not-actually-a-friend.

 

He smiled when he saw a text from both Yanjun and Zhengting.

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Hey

How's life

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Same old

Wby?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Meh

Babysitting my cousin

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Aw you have a baby cousin???

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yeah

He's 16 and is literally as tall as me

But yeah

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Plot twist

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Seriously

His parents wanted to go to a party so here He is

And here I am

Suffering

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Can't you just leave him with your parents and like, go do something you want

Or go out

Idk

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I live alone

So, unfortunately, no

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh I didn't know that

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I never mentioned it

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yeah

So

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yup

Uh

Oh my God that little shit

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Your cousin?

What'd he do

Yanjun

Hey you still there?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yes sorry

Had to save one f my hats from him

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Stingy

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I'm just a very clean person and I don't like someone else's head touch my hat

Bacterias exist

And they can kill you

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Bacterias that live in your hair can't kill you

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Who knows?

They can make their way into your veins

Into your blood

And they can take over all your body

And eventually tear you up from inside

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Ummm

Are you okay?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yeah

I've just watched too many medical dramas

GODDAMMIT JUSTIN

Hey will you help me hide a body?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Help you WHAT?

Wait he’s not chinese?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

He's testing my patience istg

He just started screaming Lion King's theme song at the top of his lungs

(He’s chinese and his actual name is Minghao but he wants to be called Justin. Teens.)

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

What

Don't you sometimes do that too?

Like, suddenly start singing AAAH ZIMENYA TOORIRI MIVA HA

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Dude wth

Not you too

Why am I surrounded by these people

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

idk you don't have to

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yeah true

But I want to

So

 

It took a good minute for Zhangjing to process the text he received. Him, being him, made a rash decision based on his sensitivities, and Yanjun answered like this. Like...this.

And it finally sinked. Yanjun wasn't replying to him and starting small conversations because he was forced to, since he was doing a job for Zhangjing, but he did those because he wanted to.

He wanted to talk to Zhangjing, he wanted to share small details of his daily life with Zhangjing, he...he wanted to be Zhangjing's _friend_.

Zhangjing laughed at the thought. How childish. But he couldn't help but smile widely, he couldn't help but feel warm inside, a feeling he hadn't felt after becoming close with Zhengting.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Thanks

I guess

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

No need to thank me

You are naturally likable tbh

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I

What?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You have a good aura

One that doesn't scare people off

Or make them feel uncomfortable

At least not me

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I don't know what to say to that

I'm not that likable tho

At least that's what I know from experience

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Trust me you are

I mean, why would I lie?

It's not like you asked me about this in the first place

Maybe your social class and family background intimidates people

But as a person, you are pretty decent to talk to

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I don't know

This is so nice and all

But I can't really agree

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Well look at me

I'm so damn intimidating in the first glance

No one would literally dare ask me an address if they see me on the street

But Now see

I'm the awesomest person in existence

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

And you had to ruin it like that

So how do you have that "big circle of friends" you mentioned last week?

Well other than the ones you won over by flirting

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Smiling is NOT flirting

But

I approach them first

They freak out for like, the first 10 seconds and then we are friends

Easy

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Easy...

I see

That's amusing

You didn't really seem like this

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Seem like what?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Well

This

You know

Warm and friendly

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

But I am

You seem to be the opposite tho

Taking too long to warm up to someone, despite having a friendly nature

Am I right?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

How

How do you know this much?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Reading psychological books is one of my hobbies

 

And once again, he felt too exposed. He felt like Yanjun could read him like an open book.

The sweet and warm feeling soon became mixed with a tint of discomfort and stress.

He didn't like it. He didn't like it when people could see how he feels, when they could see his insecurities, his inner struggles. He didn't like it.

 

So he had to stop it.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

That's interesting

It's too late

I have to sleep now

Goodnight

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Okay

Sweet dreams

~ヾ(＾∇＾)

 

This wouldn't continue, Yanjun was just a somewhat friend that he offered a job to.

This wouldn't last long, right?


	7. If you are the anxious type about exams, then don't be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I took ages to upload when I had this chapter ready for like, two weeks lol.  
> And finally Justin officially made his way into this story by this chapter. He will appear in the future chapters too, but obviously not that much since he is a side character.  
> Enjoy!

As he has said before, he hates libraries. But then again, Zhengting could concentrate and be more relaxed in a library. And Zhengting was freaking out over a test he had in 2 days. So here was Zhangjing, sitting in front of a stressed Zhengting who was 2 seconds away from a breakdown.

"Enough!"

He snatched the book away from Zhengting, earning a screech from the younger. And dirty looks from other people in there, trying to focus on their own tasks.

"Give that back!"

Zhengting whined, volume low.

 

"Enough is enough Zhengting. You won't even make it to the exam if you keep pushing yourself this much."

Zhangjing said, concerned.

 

"No I don't know anything, I'll fail my test so give me my book!"

He was close to actually crying and Zhangjing wasn't having that.

 

"What is Lycopene's chemical formula?"

 

"C40H56, why?"

 

"See, you idiot! You know everything now get up. We're going out and I'm buying you food."

___________

 

Taking Zhengting to a good restaurant was a great idea, Zhangjing praised himself. The latter's mood had a delightful change when he sat on one of the cushions and started flipping the menu. He still looked pretty stressed nevertheless.

 

"Do you want me to call Xukun and ask him to come over?"

Zhangjing asked, scanning the menu.

 

Zhengting's eyes grew wide and he shook his head violently.

"No! No, I'm supposed to be the older, the wiser and the one to do all the comforting in this relationship! I can't let him see me like this."

 

"Oh, Zhuzhu we all know you are anything but wise and comforting when it comes to problems and relationships."

 

"How dare you! I'm dying from stress and you're roasting me??"

 

"My bad. Anyways I thought it'd make you feel better if there were other people here. Guess not."

 

"Call Yanjun."

 

Zhangjing's eyes grew wide and he stared at Zhengting. He couldn't find a laugh in his facial expression or any signs of joking.

 

"Why Yanjun?"

He asked hesitantly.

 

Zhengting shrugged. "He has this carefree and relaxed vibe and I think that'd be a lot of help."

 

That was a valid argument, and Zhangjing would honestly do anything to prevent a breakdown happening to Zhengting, because they were really hard to deal with, and he didn't want his best friend to go through that.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Hi

Are you busy?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Hey

Not at all

Why?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Uhh

So Zhengting and I are going to eat in this restaurant

And he asked me to invite you

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

He asked you?

Or forced you?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Just asked

Gee, I don't hate you why do you act like I do

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Jk

I'd love to come

But the overgrown baby is here again

And I can't leave him alone

 

 **You Zhangjng** :

Overgrown baby?

Oh

Justin?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yup

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You can bring him you know

It's totally fine

I mean, if you want to come

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You sure?

You really really sure?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Um yes?

I don't see a problem with your cousin eating dinner with us

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

He read this over my shoulder

And we're getting ready to head out

I hope you don't regret this

Send the location

_____________

 

Perhaps insisting on Yanjun coming here wasn't the best idea ever. Perhaps Zhangjing did regret it but seeing how less tensed and more relaxed Zhengting seemed, maybe he regretted it a bit less.

 

Justin was loud. _So_ loud. And he was tall. Nearly as tall as Yanjun and it made Zhangjing even more annoyed since _the boy was 16 for heaven's sake what was he so tall for at that age??_

 

Despite his loud personality, he had a cute round face that screamed innocence and shyness. But well, Justin apparently wasn't that shy when meeting strangers.

 

"You know, exams don't mean shit. Stressing yourself over one is useless. The teacher wants a certain answer they have in mind and no matter how much you study, if you don't write that exact answer, even if you're right, they won't give you the score for that question."

Justin exclaimed, shoving a piece of crispy chicken in his mouth, and Zhengting looked horrified.

 

"What he means is," Yanjun started, slapping Justin's neck and earning a dramatic _ouch_ from the younger. "Exams aren't worth your mental health. Seriously, you won't fail. Zhangjing just said you've been studying since 7 in the morning.

 

Justin looked at his wristwatch, eyes going wide.

"Damn, that's more than 12 hours, if you arrived here at like, 8 or something."

 

Zhengting nodded, reluctantly eying some of his salad.

"But don't worry. You see me? I don't study, like at all, but I'm still acing my exams."

Justin said cheerfully.

"That isn't possible unless you're a genius or something."

Zhengting stated, squinting.

 

"He's right. He doesn't really study that much but gets good grades. And I can assure you he isn't a genius."

Yanjun smiled.

 

"I don't stress over things and I get good results. That's all. You seem like the anxious type though."

 

"He is."

Zhangjing confirmed.

 

"Then don't be."

Justin dead-panned, narrowing his eyes. At that, Zhengting burst out laughing, and Zhangjing felt like a weigh was removed from his shoulders cause _wow finally!_

 

"Yanjun your cousin is so cute oh my God!"

Zhengting said in between his fits of laughter.

 

"Oh no please don't flatter him-"

 

"Hey, I'm not cute! I'm a _handsome_ man."

Justin huffed.

 

"You are 16 Justin. You are a little boy. A cute one."

Zhangjing smiled.

 

"I'm still taller than you."

 

"Justin!"

Yanjun hissed, now extremely worried about Zhangjing's reaction He didn't know if he was sensitive about his height or-

 

"That doesn't change the fact that I am the eldest on this table, child."

Zhangjing said, a proud smirk on his face. Justin opened his mouth, closed it again, And decided to munch on his food instead of talking.

 

When it was time to leave, Yanjun smiled at Zhengting and said: "Don't worry, you'll do great."

Justin nodded. "Good luck! I know it must be different from my high school exams experience, but I feel you. It's not like either Yanjun or I can truly understand since Yanjun too hasn-"

He was cut off by a sharp kick to his shin.

"What he is trying to say is,"

Yanjun started, faking a smile as Justin painfully rubbed his leg that was kicked by Yanjun's stone hard shoe.

"You'll do great and you don't have to worry."

 

_Please don't notice please don't notice please don't-_

 

"Thank you, both of you. It really means a lot. I'll try my best."

Zhengting said happily, a bright smile on his lips.

 

"Then we'll get going."

Yanjun said and turned to Zhangjing who was looking at him with an unreadable expression.

_Has he realized?_

Yanjun's worry was washed away when Zhangjing smiled a small smile.

"Thank you for coming, Yanjun and Justin."

 

Justin waved happily at the both of them as they walked away.

_______________

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Hey

How did Zhengting's test go

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

He did well

I think

He's eating ice cream and patting a stray cat

Oh my God he just sat on the pavement

Why is he like this

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Maybe he didn't do that well tho...

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh trust me he did

I heard him checking his answers with his classmates

And they were nearly all correct

This is what happens when he goes 3 days without seeing Xukun

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Xukun?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

His boyfriend

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

CUTE

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

True

Xukun's visuals are no jokes

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I meant their relationship

But okay lol

Zhengting is good looking too

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Just good-looking?

When they are walking down the street together, everyone literally stops to watch them for a while

I gotta say I'm proud of my handsome children

But don't tell him that I said that

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Aw you're such a nice best friend, aren't you?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I

No

I didn't say anything

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Sure sure

I mean my own best friends always make sure to tell me I look like an ice cube

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

What

Lies

You're gorgeous

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I

Oh

Thank you

They joke around lol

But seriously, thanks

That means a lot

 

Zhangjing let out a loud shriek that made Zhengting stop his dramatic speeches and stare at him in shock.

 

"I just told Yanjun that he's gorgeous what the hell!!"

He whined. Zhenhting stayed still for a second and burst out laughing.

 

"Don't laugh at me you chopstick!"

 

"I can't say which is funnier; your choose of insults or the situation you created for yourself."

 

"Shut up!"

 

"I mean, where's the lie. The man is a whole Adonis."

 

"Please stop talking and let me mourn in peace."

 

"It's okay Zhangjing, people do randomly call their friends gorgeous. No big deal."

 

"Really??"

 

"Not really but hey! You can be the first one doing that!"

 

Zhangjing groaned and buried his head on his hands.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Hahaha no problem

I hope that wasn't weird?

Like, I just stated my opinion

That I'd do for any other of my friends

Hahahaha

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

It wasn't weird

Don't worry lol

 

"You made it even more awkward you moron."

Zhengting shook his head in disapproval.

"Why are you reading my texts over my shoulder?? Where did my privacy go??"

Zhangjing nearly screamed and started running away.

"The same place your sanity went. What the hell dude."

 

Sometimes, just  _sometimes_ , Zhangjing wondered if there were still functioning brain cells inside his brain...


	8. Halloween shopping

It was October. October meant Halloween. Especially when it was halfway through the month, Zhangjing and his sister couldn't wait to go and buy Halloween goods to decorate their house.

 

The day finally came, and there they were, delightfully walking around the streets, window shopping until they found a big store.

 

The Halloween vibe was so strong, and Zhangjing couldn't help but smile widely. The store was packed with fall-scented candles, fake spider webs, window decals, craved pumpkins, witch cauldrons and so much more.

 

He divided the list he and his sister wrote beforehand and gave half of it to her. Zhi Rou disappeared between the dolls section to find a decent black cat plushie.

 

And finally, Zhangjing's favorite part, and a difficult one: choosing scented candles.

They all looked great and the descriptions were all pretty nice and he has been standing there staring at them for literally 5 minutes and-

 

"I personally recommend Autumn Wreath."

A voice said from beside him. He quickly turned around and was faced with a smiling Yanjun, wearing a french hat over his dark auburn hair.

 

"Oh! You're here too."

 

"Yup. Shopping for the best holiday of the year."

 

Zhangjing grabbed the candle Yanjun mentioned.

"Apple and cinnamon. Hmmm, I think my mom will like that."

 

Yanjun started checking out another candle before putting it in his basket.

 

"Pumpkin Chai ones are good too. Make sure to buy one."

 

Zhangjing nodded and searched for the candle.

 

"I'm done with my shopping, so I'll get going."

Yanjun said. Zhangjing, slightly upset since shopping alone wasn't that fun after all, nodded and waved him goodbye.

 

After 30 minutes or so, he gathered all his stuff and went to the cashier. His sister was already there. It was a busy day, and the cashier seemed kind of worn out.

 

"No, that bag isn't ours."

Zhi Rou said as the cashier was about to scan the items in a plastic bag nearby.

 

"Oh, sorry."

She apologized.

 

"They seem to be forgotten by the person that have bought them."

Zhu Rou said, looking at the bag.

 

"That always happens when they buy so many things."

The cashier stated.

Zhangjing looked at the things inside the bag, and he could see about 5 scented candles, a pumpkin chai one on the top of them.

Something crossed his mind.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Hey did you buy a pumpkin chai candle?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yes

Why?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Do you have it now

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Wait lemme find the bag

Shit

WHERE IS THE BAG

I BOUGHT TWO BAGS OF THINGS WHY IS THERE ONLY ONE

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yeah

You left one of your bags here

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Dammit

Ummmm

Can you bring it to me?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Uh

Can't you come and take it yourself?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

I just finished showering...

I will catch a cold

I shouldn't catch a cold

I can't be sick during Halloween

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Umm okay

Send me your address

I suppose

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Thank you o(≧∇≦o)

You are a hero Zhangjing

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yeah yeah

Whatever

I'll be there in 15 mins

 

"Ma'am I asked my friend and he says this bag belongs to him and-"

 

"Yeah take it it's not like we have enough space for this. Card or cash?"

 

"Umm, card, but you shouldn't really-"

 

The cashier was too busy to notice Zhangjing's attempts at informing her that she shouldn't be giving a bag full of Halloween goods to someone who claims that _he knows the actual owner of them._

 

So he just paid for their stuff, and grabbed the big plastic bag, gave their own bag to his sister and said: "I have to go somewhere, you go back home with the driver."

 

"Where are you going?"

 

"To my friend's. These are the stuff that he forgot to take with himself."

_____________

 

Okay, he had to admit, this was weird. He should've just sent a driver to deliver the plastic bag. But he was standing in front of door number 08, on the 2nd floor of a rather old 4-floor apartment, located in a quiet alley leading to a busy street in one of the average areas of the town.

 

He took a deep breath and knocked. It was at the second knock when the door was opened, and he was faced with Yanjun, hair damp and a towel around his neck, drying his hair with that towel. He smiled at Zhangjing and said: "Wow you really came all the way here!"

Zhangjing shrugged and handed the bag to him.

"I agreed to bring it and I did."

 

Yanjun took the bag and stepped away from the door.

"Come in."

 

Zhangjing's eyes grew wide.

"Thank you but I don't see a reason for you to invite me in."

 

"You spent 15 precious minutes to bring this to me. I can't just let you go home."

 

"You don't have to-"

 

"Hey don't be like this. My home is neat I swear."

 

"It's not wha-"

 

"I want to show you the decorations I bought!"

Yanjun said and boy was he good at pulling off a puppy face. Zhangjing nodded, fighting a smile, and slowly walked in.

 

Yanjun's house was actually neat. So neat. It wasn't big, but every furniture was just in the right place, making the living room look more spacious. Walls were covered by wallpapers of warm autumn colors; light reddish-brown, caramel, and dark orange.

 

There was a simple copper chandelier hanging from the roof, and string lights decorating the walls.

Light brown sofas surrounding a small rectangle wooden desk, covered with books and magazines.

 

There was a Persian rug lying on the floor, filling the space between the sofas and table.

 

Zhangjing felt like a sudden gentle wave of peace and warmth hit him and covered him. He could now smell the cool scent of fresh mint, probably because Yanjun walked up to him and was standing right beside him now. He couldn't stop looking at the small, beautiful house.

 

He was pulled out of his small delightful moment of pure peace when Yanjun dropped two big plastics bags on the floor, next to Zhangjing's feet.

 

"Okay, this is all the things I bought."

He said happily as he took out a packet of fake spider webs and handed it to Zhangjing.

 

Small pumpkin shaped orange and purple lights, ghost stickers, cauldrons, neon window decals, small plastic tombstones and so much more.

 

"That's...a lot of stuff."

Zhangjing said, genuinely surprised by the amount of Halloween goods Yanjun have bought.

 

"I know right? I can't wait to start decorating the whole place."

He said cheerfully, eyes shining. Zhangjing couldn't help but smile. The younger was just so happy about the things he bought and the thought of decorating his house, and Zhangjing couldn't not smile at that.

 

"Oh hey!" Yanjun nearly shouted. Zhangjing jumped up.

"Do you want to decorate together?"

Yanjun's sudden enthusiasm slowly faltered when he saw Zhangjing's unsure and confused look.

" I- I mean if you are free and you-"

He continued, clearly nervous.

"I have nothing better to do, to be honest."

Zhangjing shrugged and watched as Yanjun's eyes shined in happiness once again.

He got up from where he was sitting on the floor and put the bags on the sofa.

 

Zhangjing got up too, pulling out a 5 piece packet of fake spider webs out of the first bag.

"Okay, Let's start with these."

Zhangjing walked towards the TV to put one on the space between the TV and the wall.

"Okay~"

_________________

Zhangjing left after finishing the decoration of Yanjun's living room, that took them about an hour, considering how much of a perfectionist Yanjun was when it came to Halloween decorations.

 

And finally, an hour before midnight, he finished his own room's decorations and lay on his bed, now covered in black and orange sheets.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I did it

I finally decorated my room

Since I promised, here's the best part of it

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh my GOD

This is SO PRETTY

You're so great at decorating

 

 **You Zhangjng** :

Thank you

I'm going to add some rilakkuma plushies too

But I have to find the Halloween themed ones from last year first

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Rilakkuma??

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yes

Judge me if you want

But

Fact #6

I love plushies

I've had a collection since I was 4

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh God

That's so precious

I threw all my plushies away when I moved to this house :/

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You monster

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Hey I had my reasons

Like

They consumed so much space

My house is small

My room is even smaller

I can barely fit in there :/

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Okay I accept that

I'll take a picture of my collection and send it to you later

I'm really dozing off now

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Okay ^^

It's nearly midnight

Go to sleep

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yeah I think I'll do that

Goodnight

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Night

Sweet dreams (/^ω^)/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to update this chapter like, a week ago, wow.   
> Don't blame me for ignoring my duty of re-reading and editing this chapter earlier, blame SM for releasing DMUMT teasers wHEN I WASN'T READY  
> (Is the picture there btw? can you see the picture Zhangjing sent at the end?)


	9. Unfortunate things that can happen in a Halloween party

"Zhengting this is so basic."

 

"Shut up."

 

"Literally all couples out there will try Harley Quinn and Joker costumes."

 

Zhengting stopped his careful task of drawing his eyeliner and turned to Zhangjing.

 

"This ain't no ordinary Harley and Joker costume. It's the gay version."

He turned back to his makeup, Zhangjing rolling his eyes.

 

"Could've tried Cosmo and Wanda at least."

 

"Oh God, you're annoying."

 

"What? You look like Wanda!"

 

"You Zhangjing get out of my room."

 

"Rude."

Zhangjing threw himself on Zhengting's bed, sighing. He didn't have much to do since his costume was only a fluffy grey bear ear, an oversized grey sweater and ice blue ripped jeans.

He did love Halloween, and he didn't hate Halloween parties, but he couldn't find them that worthwhile. He was still going to Chengcheng's party though.

 

"I'm done!"

Zhengting announced cheerfully.

 

"Finally!!"

Zhangjing breathed out. Zhengting made a face.

His make up was pretty good. He really did a good job in forming that curved smile on his face, and it looked too real. Well, it should be looking like that since Zhangjing and Zhengting both spent nearly _half an hour_ on forming it.

 

Zhangjing carefully put his bear ears on his head, adjusting his fringes. He smiled sweetly at his reflection in the mirror.

"Oh God, cute!"

Zhengting screeched and pinched his cheeks. Zhangjing rolled his eyes and pulled away, heading to the door.

"Let's go before we meet rush hour."

_______________

Fan family's mansion was probably the biggest and one of the most expensive ones in Shanghai.

"Just how many people are invited oh my God!"

Zhangjing said as he stepped out of the car with Zhengting.

"I bet 70 percent of these cars belong to Chengcheng's friends, the other 30 percent is for people his parents invited."

Zhangjing said absentmindedly, searching for Xukun with his eyes in the parking lot as they walked towards the entrance of the mansion.

 

"Zhengtiiiiiiiiiing!!!!"

Came a loud shout and in a millisecond, a mass of weight jumped on Zhengting.

Zhengting, nearly losing his balance, hugged back the said mass of weight tightly and laughed.

When they broke apart, Zhangjing was in awe, not as much as Zhengting though.

Yup, they already won the best couple custom title.

Xukun looked amazing in his Harley Quinn custom. Eyes heavily shadowed with red and blue eyeshadow, face pale and his blonde hair ending with red and blue ombre.

 

"Zhangjing hello!"

Xukun said cheerfully and smiled at Zhangjing.

 

"Hey, and you look so good."

 

"Told you it was a good idea."

Zhengting said proudly as Xukun held his arm.

 

"Cosmo and Wanda would still be a good idea, I stand my ground."

Zhangjing grinned.

 

"Oh God shut up!"

Zhengting tried to kick him but he dodged, laughing.

 

The three of them walked inside together, past the luxurious gates of the main hall.

And as soon as they stepped in, lots of faces were turned to them, eyes full of admiration.

Well, for Zhengting and Xukun actually. _Not the awkward small guy walking next to them._

Zhangjing was stuck between wanting to walk away and avoid attention or stay with them and avoid awkward conversations that occurred when he was standing alone in a corner. He chose the latter.

 

"And the holy couple arrived!"

Came a loud voice near them.

Chengcheng was grinning from ear to ear, looking even younger than his age in his Batman costume.

"Hello, Zhangjing it's been a while!!"

He said cheerfully as he greeted him.

Zhangjing smiled and returned his greeting politely.

 

Things went pretty smoothly afterward. Zhengting and Xukun keeping Zhangjing close to them because they both knew how awkward it was for him to be in parties.

 

It was in the middle of their 8th conversation with a total stranger, at least to Zhangjing, since Zhengting knew literally a quarter of Shanghai's population, when Chengcheng shouted out a name in a not so manly voice and another voice screamed back Chengcheng's name in a high-pitched call.

 

People around them turned around, so did Zhangjing.

 

"You jerk you were supposed to wear Superman!"

 

"What!!! I was the one who was supposed to wear Batman!"

 

"Justin I swear to God-"

 

_Wait, Justin?_

Zhangjing squinted, and the boy that pulled away from his hug with Chengcheng was totally Justin. Justin, Yanjun's cousin, in a Batman costume, radiating happiness.

 

And behind him was...Yanjun?

Zhangjing gasped, without looking more, he quickly scooted close to Zhengting.

_Please don't notice us please don't notice us please don't-_

 

"Oh! Zhengting-ge!"

_Well shit._

"Justin!"

_Seriously, shit._

Justin walked towards the three of them, Yanjun behind him since he was having a small conversation with Chengcheng beforehand.

 

"I wasn't expecting to see you guys here!"

Zhengting said, amused.

"Oh please, I'm Chengcheng's bestest friend."

Justin said with a fake hurt expression.

"Anyways good to see you again Zhengting-ge, and Zhangjing-ge. And.."

He tilted his head and curiously looked at Xukun.

Despite his confident looks, Xukun was just as awkward as Zhangjing when someone he didn't know suddenly started talking to him.

 

"He's Xukun, my boyfriend."

Zhangting said, smiling and holding Xukun's hand. Justin looked at them for a second or two, before smiling again and saying: "Nice to meet you Xukun! I'm Justin, Yanjun's cousin who is Zhangjing-ge's friend. And your costume is so amazing."

 

"Thank you."

Xukun laughed.

 

"I heard someone saying my name- oh Zhangjing! Zhengting!"

Yanjun said, arriving just then.

 

"So many familiar faces today!"

Zhengting said happily.

"I know right? I was kinda worried about not knowing anyone here but seems like it's alright now. Nice costume."

Yanjun smiled, and then his eyes widened.

"Are you Xukun? Zhengting's boyfriend?"

He asked, facing Xukun. Xukun, turning a bright shade of pink, nodded and smiled shyly before wording out a quiet but still audible _yes, Nice to meet you._

 

"I see that Zhangjing talks to you about me a lot, huh?"

Zhengting said, smirking at Zhangjing who was now standing behind his tall figure.

 

"He sure does. He wasn't wrong when he said you two were a visual cou-"

 

"Hi, Yanjun what a coincident!"

Zhangjing jumped right next to Zhengting, interrupting Yanjun and faking a smile.

 

_Okay, maybe he should've stayed behind Zhengting._

He was an honest man, when someone looked good, he would tell himself, yeah this person looks good. Whether it was a girl or boy, because the definition of beauty doesn't really change based on gender.

 

He was an honest man, so he had to admit that Yanjun looked great. No, that wasn't the word, he looked _mesmerizing_. Yanjun, in general, was a good-looking man, and Zhangjing never denied that. But Yanjun in his full vampire makeup and black cloak was just something else.

Pale skin, golden eyes, and fangs. It took so much energy from Zhangjing to stop staring and actually make some connection with what was happening around him and what Yanjun was talking to about.

 

"Your costume is in so much contrast with Xukun and Zhengting's, it's really amusing to watch the three of y'all standing together."

Yanjun said. Zhengting and Xukun burst out laughing.

"Don't."

Zhangjing stared.

"It's so-"

 

Yanjun started.

"Don't say it."

 

"Cute."

 

"Goddammit."

Zhangjing groaned.

_Damn his lazy nature and damn his lack of creativity when it came to Halloween costumes._

 

It was embarrassing enough that Yanjun saw him in such a cute and fluffy outfit, but those two pieces of trash that he called friends, decided to leave him and Yanjun to go get drinks. Probably dance, and not come back to save Zhangjing.

 

"Ahhhh, Justin disappeared."

Zhangjing said, scratching his neck.

 

"He'll be okay. His parents are here too so I'm not really responsible if he decides to get lost somewhere or fall down from the stairs or something."

Yanjun shrugged, leaning against a wall.

 

"What an amazing older cousin you are."

 

"I know, I'm fabulous."

 

Another awkward silence. But this time, it was broken by someone else.

"Oh, Zhangjing! Long time no see!"

Of course, Meihua would appear right now from all times. Yanjun quickly straightened up, much to Zhangjing's surprise. He was about to say something when-

 

"Oh my God Yanjun is that you?"

Meihua gasped. Zhangjing frowned. _Did they know each other?_

 

"Meihua? Xi Meihua?"

_Okay, they definitely knew each other._

 

"You guys have met before?"

Zhangjing asked, raising an eyebrow.

Meihua nodded, smiling at Yanjun.

 

"Of course! We went to the same art class back in middle school. Oh God Yanjun you've become so handsome!"

 

"And you've grown to be a beautiful lady, I'd like to say I'm shocked but I can't, this was to be expected."

Meihua covered her mouth and giggled shyly. That could be considered some whole new level of flirting and Zhangjing was really speechless. And amused. Both.

 

_This is the best time to draw the line between yourself and Meihua._

_She seems pretty interested in Yanjun, though. Not you._

_Still gotta draw the line._

 

Before thinking much further, Zhangjing moved closer to Yanjun and held his arm. He felt Yanjun stiffen under his sudden act.

 

Zhangjing smiled a fake but sweet smile at Meihua's confused faced.

"Such a coincidence! Yanjun's my boyfriend."

 

Meihua's eyes widened, and Yanjun's arm was suddenly pulled back but back to its previous position when Zhangjing gave it a painful pressure.

 

"Your...boyfriend?"

Meihua repeated.

 

"Uh-huh."

Zhangjing nodded, still smiling. He quickly looked at Yanjun, who had an unreadable expression on his face.

 

"Oh, that..that was...I didn't really expect that."

Meihua laughed nervously.

 

"Yeah, not many people know it, but I suppose you have the right to do, you know.."

 

"Yeah, that..that's so thoughtful of you. I'm happy for both of you!"

That was so so so awkward and Zhangjing just wanted this conversation to be over and-

 

"My friend's waiting for me, I'll get going. It was nice seeing you two!"

Meihua stated, smiling.

When she was out of eyesight, Zhangjing quickly darted away from Yanjun, and without even looking at him, he quickly walked away to another side of the hall, hoping to disappear and stop existing somehow.

 

Yes, his awkward sudden action would be forgotten if he ran away.

Well, not when phones and text messages exist. And he received one in 30 minutes.

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

What was that

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

What was what

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Don't play dumb

You know what I'm talking about

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh

Did you feel uncomfortable?

I should've asked before holding your arm, right?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Not that

Why did you Lie to Meihua about dating me?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I didn't lie

I mean, we reached an agreement about this?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

No

We reached an agreement about fake dating in front of your parents

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I don't see where's the problem

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Did I ever agree with you shouting out that I'm your boyfriend to everyone?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Okay you're making no sense now

I didn't shout it out

And it wasn't to everyone

It was just to Meihua

 **Lin Yanjun** :

You should ask me before you say things like that you know

And don't act like it was just Meihua

Like it's no big deal

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

It was the best opportunity to tell her that

And honestly, I don't understand why you're this worked up

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh, the best opportunity?

Well here's a new fact that it's the best damn opportunity for it to be told

Fact #7

I had the biggest crush on Meihua in middle school

And now that I finally had a chance

To finally try and impress her

You do this hit

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh...

I

I didn't know

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh you sure did not

That's why you should ask first

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I

It's so unfortunate that things turned out this way

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

That's all you can say??

Not even a sorry???

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

This was inevitable

It would happen sooner or later

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

What the hell

What do you mean?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Fact #8

Meihua is the girl I did the fake-marriage thing with

By law, she's

She's my wife

Yanjun?

Yanjun are you still there?

Yanjun...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally decided to update WOW.  
> So I've been kinda busy with EXO's comeback during the week, but since SM gave them like 0 activities, I finally found enough time to proof-read this chapter. I'll try to post chapter 10 tomorrow.  
> also, watch this masterpiece to bless both your eyes and ears:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwd8N6K-sLk  
> (gotta promote my faves since their company doesn't lol)


	10. Threats

This wasn't what he expected. And this wasn't how his plans of fake-dating Yanjun and fake-marrying Meihua were supposed to turn out.

Yanjun wasn't replying to his texts and he was feeling so guilty, but when he looked up from his phone, he was faced with Yanjun, standing less than a meter away from him, sharp gaze literally piercing into Zhangjing's eyes.

He slightly tilted his head to the right, motioning to a door.

Zhangjing hesitantly followed him out of the living room, to the courtyard.

Yanjun spotted an empty spot, away from the crowd that was hanging out there.

He leaned against a pillar and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Explain everything thoroughly."

 

Zhangjing looked into his eyes for a moment, and there was no way he could actually circumvent it.

 

"I needed a 20% privilege for my exams so I decided to fake a marriage for it. Despite it being fake, my parents and I preferred finding someone in the same social class, someone trustable.

So from the families we knew and have at least met once, I searched and found out that Meihua is preparing for the same exam as me. We have met before on a birthday party, so I DMed her and talked to her about this situation. She agreed and we signed a marriage contract."

Zhangjing finished, looking down at his shoes, unable to look at Yanjun.

Yanjun stayed silent.

 

"We almost haven't even talked once since we signed the contract. And I really had no idea she could be your crush, if I knew, I would never ask you to do this for me. And if you want, you can actually break the _kinda contract_ between us and-"

 

"It's okay."

 

Zhangjing snapped his head and looked at Yanjun, not sure if he had heard him right.

 

"It's not like you did this intentionally, and that I ever asked you who your fake-wife was."

Yanjun shrugged, kicking dust with his shoes.

 

"And it was just a crush from years ago, she isn't my first love or something. I think I overreacted a bit. I mean, would've been nice, having a chance with her since it could _actually_ work out, but I'm not that persistence on dating her."

Yanjun continued, a small smile forming on his lips.

 

"I'm sorry, I overreacted and made you feel bad."

 

At that, Zhangjing was truly speechless. Y _anjun shouldn't be the one apologizing_ but yet, he was apologizing to Zhangjing.

 

"You, you don't have to apologize. You did nothing wrong it was me wh-"

 

"But, you have to keep me company till the end of this party. Cause someone just blew away my chance to spend some time with someone I knew."

Yanjun said, a grin on his face.

 

"Hey! you said you felt sorry for making me feel bad! Why are you making me feel bad again??"

Zhangjing whined. Yanjun laughed and put an arm around his neck.

"Because it's fun."

 

Zhangjing made an unnoticeable flinch under the sudden weight on his shoulder and the fact that Yanjun was now walking a bit closer to him than normal, for a friend who wasn't Zhengting. He didn't move away, but slightly picked up his pace to the main hall, leaving Yanjun half a step behind, arm now loosely around his neck.

 

He smiled to himself. Maybe he could spend some time with someone other than Zhengting and actually eventually enjoy it.

__________________

 

"You've put minimum effort into your costume, just saying."

 

"I never even wanted to attend this party so stop roasting me about this, just saying."

Zhangjing sighed, handing Yanjun a small sandwich from the table.

 

"That's not really an acceptable excuse but whatever."

Yanjun shrugged, then continued: "say, what was the name of this dude we talked to?"

 

"Be more specific. We literally talked to 14 people since you want to get to know as many human species as possible."

Zhangjing said, shoving a spoon of jelly in his mouth.

 

"You know, the last guy. Tall, handsome, model-like."

 

"Oh, that's Ziyang."

 

"Oh yeah, Ziyang. He looks kind of intimidating but is pretty easy to talk to. I was surprised."

 

"I can say he was equally surprised. You look just as intimidating. Your costume isn't really helping that either."

 

"And then again everyone was like oh my God look at this cute smol guy with bear ears let's make friends with him and then they started talking to you and you were just like _no_."

 

"Excuse me, did you just call me cute smol guy?"

Zhangjing glared.

 

"What? Aren’t you?"

Yanjun laughed when Zhangjing sent him a death glare, throwing his head back. It was the first time seeing him laugh out loud, and it was truly... _nice_? His laughter had a beautiful sound to it and it was neither too loud to be annoying, or too quiet to be considered a laugh. Whatever it was, it made Zhangjing automatically smile.

 

"No but seriously, everyone seems pretty kind and friendly, why don't you want to make friends with them?"

Yanjun asked, still smiling.

 

"It's not like we don't communicate at all. I mean, we talked to them. And I know all of them. It's just that I don't consider them my friends or something like that. They are people that I know and if I'm in an unfamiliar environment and they are There as well, I can feel less awkward and stressed by knowing them and that they exist there."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

Before Yanjun could respond to that, Zhangjing's phone buzzed. He checked it, expecting a text from Zhengting, asking them to meet up at the entrance to leave soon, since it was nearly 1 AM.

What he saw was not what he expected.

 

_He should be more careful about his decisions._

 

Zhangjing frowned, reading the text from an unknown number over and over again.

"Hey are you okay?"

He heard Yanjun's concerned voice, somehow so far away.

 

He tried to ignore it and label the text as a spam or prank message. And he succeeded to some point, but flashbacks of the past and his noticeably fast heartbeat told him otherwise.

"I'm fine."

He answered absentmindedly.

 

"I'm going to look for Zhengting. It's getting late."

______________

 

He safely landed in his bed half past 2 in the morning. After a short shower, wearing his baggy comfortable Pajamas, and enjoying the sweet scent of the scented candle, apple and cinnamon, that filled his nose. At that moment, he has completely forgotten about the concerning text he received two hours ago. He has deleted the text soon after he read it.

 

Before turning his phone off, it buzzed.

A small smile spread on his lips.

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Hey

Did you get home safe?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I'm getting ready to sleep now

What about you?

Are you home?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Yup

Wrapped in my comfy blankets and ready to sleep~

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Good

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Uhhh

Thank you

For keeping me company during the party

It would've been so awkward if you weren't there

I mean

Justin is useless

We been knew

He abandoned me so he could spend all his time with his own bff

So thank you

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You don't really need to thank me for that

But you're welcome

It was

Fun?

Idk I don't usually enjoy parties if Zhengting isn't around but this one was cool

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Aw I'm flattered :")

I filled the empty place of Zhengting tonight

I'm proud of me :")

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh God why did I even tell you that

Didn't you want to sleep?

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

Oh yes right

Goodnight Zhangjing~

Sweet dreams

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Night

 

 **Lin Yanjun** :

( ･ω･)ﾉ

 

Do you want to change the contact name from **Lin Yanjun** to **Yanjun**?

Yes       No

_________________

 

Halloween might've been over, but the atmosphere never left just as fast, or maybe it was because they were still eating the huge pumpkin pie his mother baked for Halloween even after 3 days. But that was just a probability.

 

So that morning, Zhangjing woke up, preparing himself for another Pumpkin pie as breakfast. What he didn't prepare for was a text from another unknown number.

He frowned and opened it.

 

_Change his mind or he will be forced to do so._

 

He felt his knees going weak. He didn't know the number, but he was sure, dead sure, that this was the same person who texted him a mysterious message at the Halloween party.

The message was sent 6 hours ago, around midnight when he was sleeping.

"It's not important, it's not important"

He told himself and took deep breaths.

No. It was important. There was an unsettling feeling in his stomach and he was feeling sick, because of how familiar everything seemed at that moment.

__________________

 

It was the best time. During the breakfast, he asked casually: "Dad, is everything going alright at work?"

 

There was a pause, and then his father answered: "of course, why?"

 

"I saw Secretary Han yesterday, and he looked stressed."

Zhangjing shrugged, stuffing some pumpkin pie in his mouth.

 

"Well, there have been lots of works to do recently. We are in the middle of making plenty if deals with different companies, so he has way more job to do than he usually does."

His father answered absentmindedly.

 

Of course, his father wouldn't give further information. He has been always against discussing work t house, something Zhangjing always admired.

So he decided to let it go and act like he never received a message, once again.

_______________

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Fact #9

I trully hate pumpkin pie

 

 **Yanjun** :

whaT

WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Save me

I've been eating pumpkin pies for 5 days now

I can't do this anymore

Why did my mom just bake one more yesterday???

I DON'T UNDERSTAND

 

 **Yanjun** :

You've disappointed me

You disrespected pumpkin pies

That's sad Zhangjing, that's sad

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

My family (except mom) will gladly give you half of this pie

 

 **Yanjun** :

Aaaaaaw that's so nice

Wait does your mother not like me? :(

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

No not that

She just thinks my father, my sister and I are ungrateful people that don't understand the amazing taste of her pies

Which we do

But not for a whole W E E K

I think my skin is slowly turning orange

 

 **Yanjun** :

You're so dramatic smh

 

 **You Zhanghing** :

Guess what

I just told my mom you'd love to taste that pie and now she's just so happy

 

 **Yanjun** :

Asdfghjkl I thought you were JOKING about that

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I don't make jokes

Oh well

Why do I talk

Why can't I just shut up

 

 **Yanjun** :

What happened?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

She wants to bring you the pie

She wants to bring it herself

 

 **Yanjun** :

Oh...

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

She is so persistence oh my GOD

Wait a min I'll try to convince her not to do that

 

 **Yanjun** :

I believe in you

Waiting

Still waiting

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

So

Are you free today?

 

 **Yanjun** :

Dammit

Do I have any other choice?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Do either of us have one tbh

 

 **Yanjun** :

Send me the time and location then

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nine Percent actually debuted they actually released songs aaaAAAAH I'M PROUD WE'VE WAITED FOR SO LONG :(((


	11. Pumpkin Pies

"Tell me why we brought Zhi Rou once again mom, please."

 

"Zhangjing sweetie don't be grumpy. Why can't your sister also meet your...boyfriend? It's totally okay."

 

"Mom this is not a family meeting! it's embarrassing!"

 

"Oh shut up Zhanghing you're the only embarrassing person here."

 

"Zhi Rou I swear to God-"

 

"Good evening! And I'm genuinely sorry that I'm late.

 

Zhangjing and Zhi Rou's bickering was interrupted with Yanjun's voice, arriving right then.

 

They all got up from their seats, Zhangjing looking at both his mother and Yanjun with stress.

Yanjun politely bowed to Zhangjing's mother and sister.

 

"Hello. I'm Lin Yanjun. Zhangjing's boyfriend."

He said with a genuine smile. Zhangjing felt awkward. Yanjun has never called him _that_ and well, even though it was a lie, it still made Zhangjing feel...awkward.

 

"Nice to meet you, Zhangjing. I'm Yanjun's mother and-"

 

"And I'm Zhangjing's sister, I'm two years younger and my name is Zhi Rou. Nice to meet you, can I call you gege?"

Zhi Ruo interrupted.

"Zhi Ruo be polite!"

Their mom said in shock, ready to lecture her on how she shouldn't interrupt others and ask if she can call her brother's boyfriend gege when she just met her.

 

Zhangjing stiffened and he nervously looked at Yanjun, expecting a startled look, he saw that Yanjun was still smiling, and that sure was not a fake smile.

 

"Sure! Nice to meet you Zhi Ruo, Zhangjing's sister."

 

Everything went better that Zhangjig expected. His mother kept her promise about not asking for information about Yanjun's personal life, family and education since they were _just dating_ _and_ _they weren't getting married for God's sake._

 

Everything was good until his phone buzzed in his pocket. He froze for a moment but soon pulled himself together. _Not in front of everyone._ He decided not to check his phone, he didn't need some extra stress right now and-

 _Damn it._ He was going to check his phone.

And he regretted it. He knew this would happen, yet he did it. Pulled his phone out of his pocket while everyone was talking about some new trend on fashion, turned the screen on and opened the text.

 

_You don't have much time left. Do something._

 

He could swear his heart fell down to his stomach. His whole body turned cold and he knew he was probably pale by now, so he quickly sipped his coffee, trying to generate the composure.

 

He started taking deep breaths, making sure they are not too deep to attract attention. This was nothing. This was just a sick prank. He would report the number to the police and it'd be over.

The problem was, he has figured out the number is never the same. Whoever this person was, was smart enough to use different numbers every time.

 

He shivered slightly when Yanjun's hand brushed against his, reaching for a packet of sugar.

 

It was okay, no one could hurt him. He was here, in a cafe, a public place, sitting next to Yanjun, and in front of his mother and sister. _No one could hurt him right now, right?_

Just for...now.

 

He froze for the second time that day when a hand lightly held his on the table. He stared at Yanjun's hand, enveloping his own smaller hands. And then at Yanjun, who had his usual smile on his lips, listening to whatever Zhi Ruo was talking about. And then his mother, who was looking at their intertwined hands on the table, smiling an almost invisible smile. She then looked at Zhangjing and nodded.

 

He seriously had no idea what was going on. His mother and Sister just met Yanjun and obviously, they did enjoy talking to him, he received another threatening text about three minutes ago and now Yanjun was _holding his hand._

 

As much as he wanted to jerk his hand away, he did not. Because one, they were supposed to be dating so such a bold action would lead to his mother suspecting the whole situation.

And two, _which wasn't even 10% of the reason he wasn't pulling away, not at all_ , was that Yanjun's hand was warm. His own hand was so cold. And it was even shivering slightly before Yanjun took it. He wouldn't admit, but he felt considerably more relaxed now. Yanjun was _(probably)_ just doing this for them to actually look like couples. Still, Zhangjing felt warm and calmer. So he did not pull his hand out of the twist, instead, he slightly pressed his thumb against The back of Yanjun's hand.

 

After a hesitation, what he received was a thumb caressing his hand.

 

He would ask Yanjun about all this later. Now, he didn't want the peace he felt to be gone.

________________

 

"It was really nice meeting you Yanjun!"

Zhangjing's mother said, smiling genuinely.

Yanjun bowed politely.

"So, we'll leave you two alone. And I hope you like the pie."

She continued.

 

"I know I'm gonna love it just by the amazing smell!"

Zhangjing internally rolled his eyes. (Khodshirin).

 

"Mom I can come home with you tw-"

Zhangjing tried but was interrupted.

 

"Have your own lovely date, we'll get going."

 

"Mom-"

 

"Goodbye!"

 

In absolute disbelief, he watched as his mother and sister walked out of the café. And Yanjun calmly sat on his chair again, opening the paper bag full of pumpkin pie.

 

"Oh my God is this heaven??"

 

Zhangjing rolled his eyes and plopped down on his seat next to Yanjun, who was looking at the pie lovingly.

 

"It's not appropriate to eat your own food in a cafe you know."

Zhangjing said, resting his head on his hand and pointing at the pie with his other hand.

"Who cares. I'm getting a vanilla tea to drink with this."

Yanjun shrugged.

Zhangjing sighed, and he just stared at the table while Yanjun ordered his tea, waited for his tea, and got his tea. All that time, he was thinking about what happened earlier. What Yaniun did earlier.

 

"Why did you do that?"

He asked out of the blue, receiving a confused look from Yanjun.

 

"By that, I mean holding my hand in front of my family."

Zhangjing sighed. He clearly saw Yanjun gulp.

 

"Isn't that what couples are supposed to do? Like, doing cute stuff?"

He said, stirring his tea.

 

"I never said you have to such things to prove anything to my parents."

 

"Oh really? Well hahaha, I wanted to make it more believable."

 

Yanjun was avoiding his eyes.

"Are you sure?"

Zhangjing asked, voice calm and steady.

Yanjun's gaze met his, and he closed his eyes tightly and sighed.

 

"Okay okay! That was just a part of the reason. Your hands were cold and..and..I don't know I just felt like you needed that at that moment."

 

Zhangjing was in absolute shock. For moments, he just looked at Yanjun who was now staring at his cup of tea. And then, he felt a small pleasing feeling of warmth in his chest.

 

"Wh-why did you feel that I needed to hold someone's hand at that moment?"

Zhangjing asked, trying to sound totally calm when he wasn't.

 

Yanjun looked up, and when he saw Zhangjing looking, he quickly went back to being impressed in his cup of coffee.

 

"I..I don't know. Your hands were ice cold, and when Justin is stressed, his hands become like that. So his mom holds his hands whenever he's like that, to calm him down. And it usually works. So..I thought you were stressed too, and yeah..I did that..."

He trailed off. Zhangjing nodded. Trying to ignore how hearing Yanun's words made him feel so light and happy. He truly cared, and to Zhangjing, that was amazing.

 

Suddenly, Yanjun's eyes grew wide.

"Oh my God are you mad that I touched you without your consent? I'm so sorry I didn't know you were sensitive about thi-"

 

Zhangjing cut him off, knowing that the latter was literally freaking out.

 

"No Yanjun I am not mad. I was just a bit taken back, but I'm not mad at you. Also yes I am not really a fan of skin-ship but this was just holding hands, so it's no big deal."

 

At that, Yanjun let out a breath he was holding for a long time, and when silence filled the space between them, he started eating his pie and drinking his tea.

Letting him eat at least a quarter of his dessert, Zhangjing said: "thank you."

 

Yanjun sent him a questioning look.

 

"I..I actually needed that. I've been a bit..stressed recently. I don't know how I would've behaved out of the blue if the stress I felt at that moment wasn't decreased by you."

He avoided Yanjun's eyes. He quietly cursed himself. This was so so so embarrassing, it has sounded less embarrassing in his mind, but no, he just said all those to Yanjun and he could almost see his smile right now, even though he wasn't looking.

Another minute passed, and this time, Yanjun was the one to break the silence.

 

"You know you can always sue people for cyberbullying and thing like that."

 

Zhangjing froze. _How did he.._

 

"You went pale after checking your texts, I was uhh, looking at you then. I probably wanted to ask for something."

 

Oh, so that's how he knows. Zhangjing smiled, this time, able to look at Yanjun.

 

"I know, thanks for caring. But this isn't something I can bring to the police."

 

Yanjun's eyes were filled with worry and suspicion at this point.

 

"You don't have to handle it on your own, you know. You have a lot of trustable people around you. I know we have known each other for only 2 months but, I'm also here if you need any help."

He said, smiling reassuringly.

 

"I know."

Zhangjing smiled.

Yanjun nodded.

 

"Finish your pie soon, we've occupied this table for more than 2 hours and they're probably gonna kick us out."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! If you haven't checked Wanna one's new album yet, I'd really recommend that. The whole album and the MV are amazing ;____;  
> I'll try to update the next chapter a bit sooner. Thank you for your comments btw :D


	12. Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I took so long to update this. I kinda lack motivation now but I'm trying to get this done. Hope you enjoy!

Two days after receiving the last threatening text, Zhangjing finally directly asked his father whether there was a problem in their business or not.

 

"Not something out of the ordinary, why?"

His father has answered, and of course, Zhangjing wasn't going to tell him about the texts, because he still labeled them as empty threats.

 

"Just... I could say something wasn't right when you shrugged it off as too much work last month."

 

"You pay so much attention, I'm impressed."

 

"Thank you. So, what was the problem?"

 

His father hesitated before answering, deciding if he should tell Zhangjing or if it really wasn't that important.

 

"Another chemical company that is going bankrupt wanted to sign a contract with us. Naturally, they were planning to cling to us in order to survive and save their company, so we refused their offer."

Zhangjing listened carefully, something twisting in his stomach, a warning.

 

"If they can survive thanks to our help, wouldn't it benefit us as well? I mean, we won't be at a disadvantage."

He said, trying not to sound nervous. His father shook his head.

"But the benefit won't be worth it, and what if they go bankrupt? It will stain our reputation."

 

"But they can't bring us down, we're not a small company."

 

"Still, it's really illogical to do such a thing. In business, you shouldn't take these risks. It's a 50-50 situation, and I do not participate in deals that are not 100% success."

 

"But another company is going bankrupt dad. We can help them."

 

"Zhangjing.."

His father said, trying to keep his voice down since Zhangjing's illogical observations were starting to bother him. Zhangjing closed his mouth, sensing the sudden tension.

 

"Do you think our company would be this big if I involved feelings like pity and sympathy in my job?"

Zhangjing looked at his father, slightly shocked.

 

"No. I did not and I won't. I've already decided on this concern."

 

With that, their conversation was over. Zhangjing knew persisting would be no use, so he just left his father's room and went to his own.

He checked the texts once again, feeling the familiar twist in his stomach. He was now nearly sure that this had to do something with what his father said, and he could do nothing. He felt helpless.

_Just how petty you have to be to try mooching off money from a company by scaring the heir of them?_

At the same time, he felt an angry feeling rising inside of him because when was the last time he talked about his worries with either of his family members? Zhi Rou never was a help, his mother always overreacted and he didn't want to worry his father since he was managing a big wheel of an industry.

He trusted Zhengting with his life, but there was still stuff he couldn't tell him. There was still a thin wall that he kept there in order to keep the latter away from his personal problems and stresses. Zhengting had enough worries himself, he didn't need an extra weight.

 

 **Brat** :

If we don't hurt anyone

Why would they want to hurt us

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Ummm

Zhengting are you okay?

 

 **Brat** :

No seriously

Don't they say every action has a reaction?

Then why do we get a bad reaction when we've done a good action

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Okay I'm starting to get worried

Should I come over?

 

 **Brat** :

I'm fine

I was just wondering

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Did something happen?

Did you fight with someone?

 

 **Brat** :

You know I'd never do that

Sorry if I freaked you out

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You bet you did

Like

whO DARED TO DISRESPECT MY SMOL BEST-FRIEND

IMMA FIGHT

 

 **Brat** :

Smol???

S m o l

I hate you

Ugh

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Awww it's okay I'll protect you

 

 **Brat** :

shut up

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

( ˘o˘)♥

 

 **Brat** :

Not you too

No kaomoji

 

 **Zhuhu** :

What

You know someone else who uses kaomoji??

 

 **Brat** :

First

I know a lot of people thank you so much

Second

Wtf you never use kaomojis

Used*

Till two seconds ago

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Pffffft as if you are not the most socially awkward person out there

But

They're cute

And don't change the subject

Who is the person who uses kaomoji for you

 

 **Brat** :

How do you know it's for me

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Answer my question

 

 **Brat** :

Idk why you're so curious

It's Yanjun

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

I see

You two seem to be pretty close

 

 **Brat** :

We're not

What makes you think like that?

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You don't send kaomojis to everyone

 

 **Brat** :

I don't understand

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Look

I send kaomojis to you

And Xukun

But do I send kaomojis to Ziyi?

Or Ruibin?

No

Because I'm not close with them as much as I am with you two idiots

Got it?

 

 **Brat** :

But why?

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

They'll judge me

 

 **Brat** :

True

I do too

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Shut up

But in general

Or at least for me

Kaomojis are meant for people whom I'm comfortable with

 

 **Brat** :

So you mean...

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Yanjun feels comfortable with you

 

 **Brat** :

Uhhhh

I don't know how to react to this new information

What if he's like this with everyone?

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

I explained everything like two seconds ago

Are you a fish or sth

 

 **Brat** :

Idk

I don't wanna get upset later

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Oooooooh

You'll get upset if he's like that with someone other than you?

 

 **Brat** :

I never said that

I said

Everyone

Like, his classmates, his not so close friends

That's what I said

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Zhangjing

He let you in his house

He asked you to help him with decorations

YOU DON'T ASK EVERYONE TO DO THAT OKAY

HE COUNTS YOU AS A CLOSE FRIEND

 

 **Brat** :

WHY ARE YOU SHOUTING AT ME YOU NOODLE

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

BECAUSE YOU'RE AN IDIOT

AND I'M DONE WITH YOU BEING LIKE THAT

 

 **Brat** :

LIKE WHAT

LIKE WHAT YOU TRASH

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

LIKE THIS

FORCING YOURSELF TO SEE EVERY ACT OF KINDNESS AND ATTENTION AS NORMAL OR UNIMPORTANT

 

 **Brat** :

What???

When did I ever???

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You always do

 

 **Brat** :

...

Okay okay

But you know the reason

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

I do

And I understand

But not everyone is bad

Not everyone is untrustworthy

 

 **Brat** :

I know

It's just hard for me

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Zhangjing

It's been 7 years...

Give people and yourself a chance

 

 **Brat** :

I still can't

I need more time

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

How much

 

 **Brat** :

What?

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

How much more time do you need

You can't be like this forever

 

 **Brat** :

I

I don't wanna talk about this right now

I'm going out for a walk

Talk to you later

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Then I'll stop

But from my point of view

Yanjun can change lots of things for you

His presence is an opportunity

Don't let it go without taking it

Think everything through

But don't overthink, okay?

Bye

 

When he said he was going out for a walk, he really meant it. No matter what he tried to do, from studying to playing video games, his conversation with Zhengting has disturbed him so much. Perhaps going out for a walk was a good idea to clear his mind.

 

He grabbed his hoodie and left the house. It was nearly sunset, and the weather was cold. He regretted not picking up a warmer hoodie.

 

He walked. Walked without really having a destination. He walked until the golden sky was painted scarlet, and then the scarlet faded away in darkness, and the glowing sun was replaced by the silver moon.

 

He didn't like talking about what happened 7 years ago. Zhengting didn't either. No one did. There was an unwritten agreement in their household: No one talks about what happened 7 years ago, Just like how it was in 2011. No one talked enough about it until it was too late, and the scars were already engraved.

 

He has reached an alley. It was scarcely lightened up by one lamp. He slowed down and looked around, trying to figure out where he was.

He sighed, blaming himself internally for walking without paying any attention to his surroundings.

 

Naturally, his ears and eyes started observing everything in a more sensitive manner, since he was in an unfamiliar neighborhood.

 

And that was when he heard it.

 

He heard _whispers_. Whispers coming from a darker place of the alley behind him. He stopped walking.

 

He shouldn't have.

 

Footsteps. He could hear footsteps. One person, now two.

He started walking, trying to shrug it off as people trying to go to their houses.

But the footsteps were coming closer, so he walked faster.

They started walking faster.

 

His heart sank.

 

_Run._

 


	13. The escape

Destination unknown, Zhangjing started running with all his power, and now, he knew they were chasing him. Why, he didn't know, but it was clear that he should run away as fast as he could.

 

_Go to the light._

 

He spotted a narrow street on his left, leading to a bigger one. They wouldn't keep chasing him if he entered a more public area.

 

He sped up, hearing the footsteps a bit farther than the last time.

He entered the narrow street, and it was painfully quiet.

 

"Dammit!"

 

He ran faster, ignoring his rapid and short breaths.

 

He got to the bigger street, and where the hell where all the crowd that should've been on streets?

He realized what location he was in now, and he cursed for the second time. This was one of the quietest streets of Shanghai.

 

Something sparked in his mind.

If he turned right and then entered the first alley, it'd lead to another street which was in contrast to this one, one of the most crowded streets in the city.

 

The idea fueled his energy, so he kept on running as fast as he could, but not able to ignore the slight burning in his legs now.

 

_How are they not giving up yet?_

 

He prayed. Prayed for them to stop chasing him, prayed to survive. But his body wasn't responding well. He was never good at sports, he was the worst at running. Entering the alley, he felt like his legs were going to combust. He could fall down at any moment. Tears were blurring his vision as a result of running, pain and stress.

 

_Yanjun..._

 

Yanjun's house was in this alley. It was close. He was near Yanjun's house.

He gathered the last bits of energy, looked once at the direction and ran the fastest he could.

He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Yanjun's number.

 

"Hello, Zhangjing!"

 

"Are you home?"

Zhangjing said, out of breath. The footsteps were coming closer and closer.

 

"I am. Why are you panting? Are you o-"

 

"Open the door!"

Zhangjing nearly shouted. He close to the entrance door.

 

"What-"

 

"Open the door Yanjun. NOW!"

He screamed as he grabbed the doorknob.

Yanjun did as told.

With all the little power he had left in his limbs, he opened the door and ran inside the parking space. He thought he was safe so he was considering slowing down. Then he remembered. He didn't hear the door being shut.

 

"Shit.."

Footsteps once again.

He reached the elevator, they were so close...too close...

_Please let me survive this._

It felt like years but the elevator doors finally started closing, and he saw them, right before the door being shut.

 

Two middle-aged men, wearing all black, and masks that were pulled down to ease breathing while running. He didn't have enough time to scan their faces, and he didn't have the energy to do so.

 

He clutched his chest, hearing his loud and fast breaths, trying to calm down, but it was too hard when he was struggling to save his life.

He was in too much pain to notice his phone ringing and vibrating in his hand repeatedly.

 

His head was spinning, his vision was blurry and he felt like his whole body was burning, it felt all too real and he was scared.

 

He allowed his weak limbs to choose his fate. He pressed number 2 when he finally reached the 4th floor. He let his tears fall down silently and his lungs to desperately gasp for air, but he didn't have enough time to breathe.

 

He bolted out the elevator before the door was completely open. He ran towards the end of the hall, hearing his pulse in his ears, and he could hear the footsteps as well.

It was always faster to run down the stairs.

 

Once he reached the end of the hall, he saw Yanjun in front of the door.

Yanjun's eyes grew wide when he saw Zhangjing, running out of breath and tears running down his eyes.

 

"Zhangjing what-"

He stopped in the middle of that sentence, grabbed Zhangjing's sweater sleeve, and pulled him inside the house, shutting the door behind them.

Soon after, the fast footsteps were heard again. Yanjun quickly turned the lights off and sat Zhangjing down.

Zhangjing covered his mouth, still unable to breathe, but unwilling to be caught.

 

"We lost him..dammit!"

A voice said.

"Chairman will be mad."

Another voice stated.

"Should we wait here?"

"No! I think we've already done enough, we can't be caught."

"That little shit runs so fast!"

"I know! My legs are giving up. Their whole family is annoying. Nuisances."

 

They eventually left.

 

Zhangjing let out a muffled sob, not removing his hands from his mouth. In the dark, he could see the utter shock in Yanjun's eyes.

He couldn't comprehend his surroundings, but he felt gentle hands pulling his palms away from his mouth.

He gasped for air. He coughed, clenched his chest, and coughed again.

Yanjun watched as he struggled to find a place to breathe between his silent sobs. He put his hands on the older's shoulders.

 

"Breathe. Don't think about what just happened. Please Zhangjing, breathe!"

 

Zhangjing looked into his eyes, and Yanjun felt a pain in his heart. He has never seen so much anxiety, so much fear, and so much pain in someone's teary eyes.

 

He couldn't breathe, he was trying but he still couldn't catch enough air, and his sobs were trapped in his throat. His exhales were cut short with rapid and deep inhales, followed by too short and weak exhales after. His chest was hurting so bad.

 

His alarming condition led Yanjun to do literally anything at the moment to help him.

He leaned forward and pulled Zhangjing in his arms. Zhangjing's body stiffened, but he didn't have the energy to pull away.

Yanjun patted his back and gently said: "sync your breaths with mine, okay?"

Zhangjing weakly nodded against his shoulder.

Yanjun started taking deep breaths, drawing circles on Zhangjing's back to calm him down.

 

He has never felt so worried by seeing someone suffering like this. Maybe because he has never seen someone nearly getting kidnapped.

 

It took some time for Zhangjing to slow down his breaths and give his lungs a break. Yanjun sighed in relief, as he was about to pull away to check on Zhangjing, whom tears were clogging his throat, he burst out crying. Yanjun froze in place as Zhangjing sobbed against his shoulders and weakly gripped his T-shirt in powerless fists, holding him in the spot.

 

"Shhhh it's okay. They're gone. You're safe."

Yanjun whispered, absentmindedly stroking Zhangjing's hair. His T-shirt soon was soaked with tears.

He stayed there until Zhangjing's loud cries quieted down and he could breathe.

 

He gently pushed Zhangjing away and looked into his eyes, shining with tears under the dim light coming from the window. Zhangjing looked down and sniffled.

 

"Are you feeling better now?"

Yanjun asked, hands still on Zhangjing's shoulders. Zhangjing nodded, still avoiding Yanjun's eyes. A drop of tear fell down from his lashes. Again, Yanjun felt a pain in his chest, this time, more distinct. He wanted to wipe that tear away, but before he had the chance, Zhangjing lightly distanced himself from him.

 

"I-I'm...I'm sorry f-for coming here like this..I-I probably put you in danger and n-now they know your l-location oh m-my God Yanjun I-"

The same horror that was there came back to his eyes, he was panicking.

Yanjun shook his head repeatedly.

"No! No, don't Apologize! I'm not in danger. This floor has 4 apartments, they won't know which one is mine, okay? Calm down."

 

"But s-still-"

 

"Hush...you don't need to worry about that now. Can you get up?"

 

Zhangjing nodded. Yanjun got up, bended down to help Zhangjing up too, but the latter lightly shrugged him off and got up himself, walked to one of the couches and sat there. Yanjun sat in front of him, looking at him with concern.

After minutes of silence, Yanjun broke it.

"Do you know who they were?"

 

Zhangjing shook his head.

"I couldn't recognize their faces, but I might know who or what group they were related to."

 

Yanjun raised his eyebrow. Zhangjing's eyes grew wide as he went pale.

"Oh my God Zhi Ruo!"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the late updates. I've been so busy this week, will be even busier in the exam month that starts in a week, but I'll try to update faster. Thank you for your support! <3


	14. Safety & Discomfort

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter of 2018! Thank you for supporting this story (despite slow updates). I hope all of you have an amazing new year♡

For the three seconds it took his mother to answer, his heart raced three million miles.

"Hello, Zhangjing. Where did you suddenl-"

 

"Mom! Where is Zhi Ruo??"

Zhangjing asked, voice shivering.

"She's here right now. Zhangjing are you okay? What's wrong?"

 

"Mom...Mom, I was getting kidnapped..."

 

"What?? Where are you right now? Oh my God, are you okay??"

 

"I-I'm at Yanjun's place. But they know I'm in this building. Mom, what should I do?"

His voice broke. He hated looking this weak. He hated worrying his mother. He heard his father's voice from the other side of the line, followed by rapid explanations by his mother.

"Zhangjing! Are you okay? Did you know them? Did you see their faces?"

His father has taken the phone from his mom.

"I-I couldn't see their faces exactly, but they-they were talking about me and-and our f-family so I think-"

 

"Did they see which door you walked in?"

 

"I don't think so."

 

"Stay there for now. I'll take care of everything. Don't leave his house until I contact you."

 

"What? Dad I-I can't-"

 

"Zhangjing do as I said. Stay there. Lock the doors and close all the windows. I'll make sure they don't bother you for the time being."

 

"I can't-"

 

"Don't argue with me. You will stay there tonight. He's your boyfriend, I don't think it bothers him."

 

Zhangjing looked at Yanjun who was looking back in confusion. He closed his eyes and sighed.

"Okay. Okay, I'll...I'll do that."

He said, defeated.

"I'll fix everything, okay? And Zhi Ruo is safe too. Don't worry."

 

"Thank you."

 

"Don't think about anything and get some rest."

 

"I'll try."

 

"I'll hang up now. Bye."

And that was the end of their conversation. Zhangjing wanted to disappear at that moment. But no, he _had to_ ask Yanjun if he could stay there tonight... First, he burst into his house like that, and now he wanted to stay there too.

 

"Yanjun, I...uh...I was wondering if..."

Yanjun waited, tilting his head a little.

Zhangjing gulped.

"Can I stay here till tomorrow?"

It came out of his mouth before he could consider the way he wanted to say it. Before Yanjun could fully understand Zhangjing's words, he continued: "If you're uncomfortable I will not. I mean my dad insisted on me staying here in the first place, but I don't really see why it's necessary for me to stay here and if you-"

 

His rambling was cut off by Yanjun's laugh. This time, he was the confused one.

"Oh God Zhangjing of course you can stay. Why would I feel uncomfortable? You can stay for as long as you want."

Yanjun smiled, showing his dimples.

 

_running that much really does changes the regular beating of your heart, right?_

 

Zhangjing cleared his throat and looked at his hands.

"Thank you. I'm causing so much trouble for you."

He said, voice small. He was never like this, and the whole situation was extremely humiliating.

 

Yanjun shook his head, still smiling.

"You aren't. This is what friends do for each other, right?"

Zhangjing stared at Yanjun for a second but quickly broke eye contact.

"Right..."

___________________

"I put clean clothes on the bed. The hair dryer is in the third drawer on the left side. Tell me if you need anything else, okay?"

Yanjun said loudly behind the bathroom's door.

"Okay. Thank you."

Zhangjing said, covering his face with a towel he had on his head in embarrassment. Why did Yanjun force him to take a shower for relaxation? this was _humiliating_.

However, it was an amazing idea indeed and really helped his muscles to loosen up after the pressure they were under for running too much.

Zhangjing left the bathroom in Yanjun's room and looked at the said clothes.

The white T-shirt was a bit..oversized for him.

 

After blow-drying his hair and wearing Yanjun's shirt (it was so comfortable unlike the whole situation), he walked in the living room, where Yanjun was watching TV.

Yanjun turned his head to see him, and he let out a soft chuckle.

"I know it doesn't look good on me but don't laugh at me, okay??"

Zhangjing frowned.

 

"What do you mean by not looking good? It fits y- oh wait no it doesn't."

With that, Yanjun burst out laughing. Zhanhjing's eyes grew wide at the ridiculousness of that joke.

 

"Okay okay, it wasn't that bad don't frown at me!"

Yanjun said, recovering from his fit of laughter.

"And you look so small and cute in it."

 

Zhangjing's brain couldn't take this amount of surprising happenings all at once.

"I look what??"

He asked, astounded.

"Small and cute."

Yanjun repeated.

 

"I know I'm your guest and I should be grateful for the fact that you're letting me stay here, but I will murder you if you call me cute and small one more time."

He said as he glared.

"You can do that? You can murder me?"

Yanjun laughed.

 

"Lin Yanjun!"

 

"Ooooh you're angry. You're still cute though. And small."

 

"Okay, that's it!"

Zhangjing ran towards the couch. Yanjun jumped up and started running away, laughing.

 

"Goddammit, you run so well for someone who has been running for his life like, an hour ago."

 

"I'll kill you Yanjun I will!!"

 

"Try."

Yanjun ran to his room, Zhangjing following behind. Suddenly, he stopped running and turned around.

Zhangjing, a bit late at catching the action, kept running and his face painfully met Yanjun's chest.

"Ow!"

He took a step back and started rubbing his head.

"Why did you-"

 

"You aren't going to sleep with jeans, are you?"

Yanjun asked, looking at Zhangjing's jeans.

 

"Uhhh, yes I am."

 

"Hey, I promise the clothes I gave you are clean!"

Yanjun said. Zhangjing looked down, feeling guilty and uncomfortable.

 

"I know. It's not because of that. I'm not comfortable with wearing someone else's clothes. I uhh, prefer to have my own jeans on."

 

After a moment of silence, Yanjun said: "That's reasonable."

 

Zhangjing nodded. _Well, this was awkward._

"Are you going to sleep now?"

Yanjun asked, breaking the silence.

"I don't know. Probably."

Zhangjing nodded. Yanjun looked into his eyes, not saying anything, but it felt like he was considering if he should say something or not.

"Shoot."

Zhangjing said, sitting at the edge of the bed.

Yanjun, confused, asked: "what?"

 

"You want to say something. Say it."

Yanjun opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.

"W-who were they? I mean, I don't want to- Like- if you're okay you can- who-"

"Take a deep breath and use your words Lin Yanjun."

Zhangjing stated calmly. However, he was nowhere close to being calm at that moment.

Yanjun stared for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"Who were they? What happened back then? Why were they chasing you?"

 

Zhangjing closed his eyes, searching for an answer.

"I don't know who they were. And I'm not sure what really happened."

He said, looking down at the tidy white bed sheet.

 

"Uhh, Zhangjing how can you not know what-"

 

"I had a long day, and I need some rest. We'll talk about this later, okay?"

Zhangjing interrupted. He didn't dare to look up, but he could feel Yanjun's gaze on him.

"Okay. Okay, we'll talk later."

Yanjun said, still standing there. Zhangjing nodded.

"Umm, tell me if you need anything. I'll probably not wake up but well...ummm, goodnight."

 

"I will. Goodnight."

That put an end to their conversation. Yanjun left and closed the door behind him.

 

Zhangjing sighed. He felt a bit guilty for shrugging off Yanjun like that. But he wasn't in a condition to talk about what happened earlier, and he still didn't trust Yanjun enough to spill information.

He would think about dealing with this later. He was about to turn the bedlight off when his phone buzzed. Something in his stomach twisted. He reached for his phone, hands slightly shivering. But it was all gone when he saw a text from Yanjun.

 

 **Yanjun** :

Fact #10

I snore

Sleep tight

ヾ(^ω^*)

 

Zhangjing frowned. The door was closed. _How bad could it-_

He could hear it. It was muffled but he could hear it.

 

"Damn you Lin Yanjun!"

Zhangjing groaned and buried his face in the pillows.

_______________

"Mom! Mom why why why why??"

"Zhangjing sweetie we were worried, okay?"

"That doesn't mean you can show up in someone else's apartment out of the blue!"

Zhangjing wanted to cry. He really did. Staying at Yanjun's place for the night was bad enough, and both his parents, both of them, had to suddenly knock on the door and come in. Maybe he should've asked driver Li to keep Yanjun's address a secret.

 

"It's really okay."

Yanjun said, smiling sweetly at Zhangjing.

"See? I don't understand why you're making such a fuss."

 

"Mom-"

 

"Zhangjing stop talking back and let us speak!"

His dad sighed. Zhangjing frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay go on."

There was a pause, and in a brief moment, Zhangjing's father made eye contact with Yanjun, but quickly looked away. Yanjun cleared his throat.

"If you'll excuse me, I have to take care of some projects on my laptop, so I'll leave."

Yanjun announced.

"Oh is it a project for your university?"

Mrs. You asked cheerfully.

"Ahahaha yes, yes it is."

Yanjun laughed nervously. He bowed and quickly left the living room. Zhangjing watched him leave, slightly surprised.

His father cleared his throat and said: "We found out the people behind what happened last night."

Zhangjing looked at him with curiosity.

"Before that, I have to ask you some questions. When you insisted on giving that company we decided not to sign contracts with a chance, did you know something?"

 

His hands went cold. What was he supposed to do? Lie? About something regarding his and his family's safety?

 

"I...I've been receiving threats via text message."

His mom gasped.

"Since when?"

His father asked, after taking in the information he just received, trying to stay calm.

"Since Halloween."

 

"Zhangjing!"

His mom said with panic.

 

"Why didn't you tell us?"

Mr. You asked.

 

"I don't know."

 

"You don't know??"

 

"I don't know! You've been busy and stressed with company's management, mom too. I didn't want to worry you."

 

"Zhangjing this is not right. You should've told us. What'd happen if they really caught you?"

 

"They would ask for money. You would give them money. everything would be over."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"Zhangjing stop being immature!"

His dad said, voice rising.

A rush of adrenaline ran into Zhangjing's veins, anger rising up in his stomach.

 

"Am I wrong? Then correct me if I'm wrong!"

 

"Sweetie you should talk to us about everything so we can help you."

Mrs. You said, eyes sad.

 

"Talk? Why? Why would I talk?"

 

"Zhangjing!"

His father warned. In the span of five minutes since Yanjun left the room and they started this conversation, the waves of anger, fear and sadness he has struggled with since last night, and for an even longer time started hitting him.

 

"Why would I talk when I know I'll be asked to shut up!!"

He nearly shouted. The room fell silent. He felt his mom's gaze on him, he knew she was close to tears and he hated himself for it. His father was taken aback, not saying a word.

It felt like years until his father spoke again.

"I've contacted the company and confronted them about the problem. We are reaching an agreement. Everything will go back to normal, but before it's settled, it'd be best for you to stay in your own apartment, away from us, in order to avoid any kind of stalkings or attacks."

Mr. You said calmly.

 

"And what if I don't want to live there?"

 

"We have packed your essentials. Driver Li will take you there."

 

Zhangjing snorted. Of course, he wasn't even allowed to decide on where he'd be staying.

 

With that, his father walked towards the door, leaving. Zhangjing stared at the wall, burning up in anger and desperation. His mother walked closer to him, hesitantly giving his arm a squeeze.

 

The door was shut close.


	15. Younger Siblings

Zhangjing refused to stay for breakfast, unable to tolerate the heavy atmosphere in Yanjun's house. The younger didn't mention a thing about earlier that morning, but his pressuring gaze on Zhangjing was suffocating him.

 

After leaving the apartment, wearing a mask and having his hoodie's hood covering half of his face, driver Li took him to his apartment as planned.

 

Well, his parents called it Zhangjing's spare apartment to use whenever it's necessary, but it was actually a penthouse in Yangpu district.

He tried to see the advantages of this change. First, It took him nearly 20 minutes to go to university from their home in Pudong, but now it'd take him about 5 minutes since SUFE is located in Yangpu.

Second, he had the whole penthouse to himself. No one to annoy him or boss him around, just him.

Well, that was all. And that was enough reasons to be happy about moving there. Maybe he could actually enjoy this.

_______________

There was no way to enjoy it. At least not right then.

He started coughing right when he entered the house. Putting down his breakfast that he bought on the way there, he took his phone out to call his mom, but he soon remembered what happened in Yanjun's house, so he decided not to call her.

 

He sighed, looking at the huge penthouse covered in dust, white fabric covering the furniture. Three months since they've bought it and it was never cleaned...

 

And perhaps his parents didn't miss one piece of necessary luxurious furniture, but they have forgotten about a vacuum cleaner.

 

"Wow, these two days have been amazing luck for me!"

Zhangjing nagged into the phone, dropped down on the floor, ignoring the dust.

"You mean to tell me you searched the whole place and there wasn't even a broom?"

Zhengting asked from the other end of the line.

 

"Nope. Just these small things that are used in the kitchen. Like, tiny broom looking things."

 

"Those are called hand brooms. Your vast vocabulary knowledge gives me a headache."

 

"Don't make fun of me I'm really sad and exhausted right now. I just searched a whole 300 square meters three times."

 

"Poor thing. What are you going to do now?"

 

"I'll just drink the rest of my coffee and hope to choke."

 

"You're so dramatic."

 

"I've been pretty emotional since last night, to be honest."

 

"...I'm buying a train ticket and coming back."

 

Zgangjing rolled his eyes and smiled.

"Who's the dramatic one now?"

 

"You think I'm joking? I'm actually heading out."

 

"Zhengting no!"

 

"I'm not staying here when my best friend nearly got kidnapped last night and is now going to be choked by dust and microbes."

 

"I'm okay, really."

 

"Are you sure? I know you're not emotionally okay now. But are you physically unwell too?"

 

"I'm physically okay, other than the pain that is still in my chest due to running for too long."

 

"You have to visit a doctor then. Should I ask my mom what good doctors she knows? Should I-"

 

"Zhu Zhengting you sound like my mom!"

 

"I'm just worried okay??"

Zhengting whined.

 

"I'm fine I really am. And it's really no problem that you're not here. I mean, it'd be great if you were but talking to you is equally effective."

 

There was a pause, and right before Zhangjing could take that back, Zhengting spoke again.

 

"Can you do me and yourself a favor?"

 

"What is it?"

 

"Can you ask Yanjun to come over?"

 

Zhangjing nearly spat out the coffee.

 

"W-what? Why??"

 

"It...it'd be better to have company since I'm out of the town and useless."

 

Zhangjing blinked.

"No, I can't. I've already become too much of a nuisance to him. I can't ask him to come here just because I don't want to be left on my own in a pile of dust."

 

"Don't be like this. He's your friend."

 

"He is but it's humiliating to ask for so many favors from him."

 

"What do you mean by humiliating? Throw that stupid mindset away You Zhangjing. It's okay to ask people for favors."

 

"Not this much. I don't like doing this. I can't understand why you're insisting this much."

 

"Because I hate the idea of you being alone right now..."

 

Now it was Zhangjing's turn to stay silent for a while. He sighed.

"I...I'll call you again later if I need someone to talk to, okay? Calling you is just as helpful. I don't think I can ask Yanjun to come here now."

Zhengting sighed.

"You're a stubborn brat aren't you?"

 

"You've known me the longest."

 

"Okay then. However, I still think you-"

 

"Shut up mom."

 

"Wow, do you treat your actual mom like this too?"

 

"I wouldn't dare."

 

"Fine. I'll hang up now. Call me whenever you want."

 

"I will. Bye Zhuzhu."

 

"Bye."

 

He really wanted to take off the white fabric from his bedroom's bed and lie there for 24 hours, but before he could consider doing that in all those dust, his phone rang again. Expecting Zhengting, he picked up right away without looking at the caller ID.

 

"Hey! Are you home safe?"

 

He was surprised by hearing Yanjun's voice. Moreover, he was amazed at how concerned he sounded.

 

"Uhhh, yeah. I arrived like, 3 hours ago."

 

Silence.

 

"....oh. You know, I wanted to call earlier but then I thought that'd be weird so...yeah..."

 

So Yanjun was worried about him. _Interesting_.

 

"Uh-huh."

 

Awkward silence again.

 

"So...is the house good? Do water supplies and electricity work?"

A warm feeling spread in his chest. Without knowing it, he was starting to really enjoy Yanjun's sincere concerns.

 

"They do. Someone has fixed them before I get here."

 

"That's...good. Uhh, so...I think I'll just go now."

Before Yanjun could hang up, Zhangjing stopped him.

 

"Yanjun."

 

"Yes?"

Yanjun immediately answered.

 

"....Do you have a vacuum cleaner?"

_______________

 

"Wow just...wow!"

Yanjun said, walking in the living room, mouth agape.

"It's not a big deal okay? Well, the amount of dust here is, if I'm going to be honest."

Zhangjing said, taking the vacuum cleaner near the power strip.

 

"Not a big deal?? This is the best view of Shanghai oh my God!"

Yanjun stated, now standing in front of the window wall, watching the city from the 20th floor.

 

"I should've brought my camera! ugh, I could've got some great shots! I always miss my chances.."

He nagged under his breath.

 

Zhangjing plugged in the vacuum cleaner.

"Bring it next time then."

Yanjun quickly turned around to face him.

"Next time?"

He asked, eyes wide.

"What? You're never gonna drop by again or something?"

 

"I..I don't know. I mean..I-if you invite me I will.."

Yanjun replied nervously. Zhangjing felt the familiar warmth in his chest once again, and he smiled at the embarrassed Yanjun in front of him.

He turned the vacuum on, soon he realized vacuuming was so much more difficult than what he expected.

"I can't. I can't do this anymore I can't!!"

He turned off the vacuum cleaner and clung to the wand.

Yanjun, taking pictures of the city's view, turned around and shook his head.

"You've only cleaned like, half of the living room."

 

"It's easy for you to say it when you're just taking pictures and having fun."

 

"Yup. Taking pictures is fun."

It took more than 2 seconds for Zhangjing to process the fact that Yanjun was pointing his phone at him, and then the sound of a picture being taken.

 

"No don't take a picture of me in this state!"

He screamed, running towards Yanjun. Yanjun chuckled and raised his phone above his head.

 

"Delete that!"

 

"Never."

 

"Give me that damned phone Lin Yanjun!"

 

"You heard me You Zhangjing."

 

"You literal child give me the phone or I'll throw you out of this window!!"

 

"Then try to get the phone!"

 

Zhangjing tiptoed, struggling to reach The cellphone in Yanjun's palms.

Unintentionally leaning closer to him, he put a hand on one of his shoulders and pulled himself higher, fingers reaching Yanjun's hand.

 

And right when he was about to snatch the phone out of his hand, he froze in place, feeling a warm breath on his cheek. He turned his head, and found his face only centimeters away from Yanjun, looking into his eyes which have already been gazing.

 

Whatever invisible power it was, in contrast to his will, held him right in place, hands still fixed on Yanjun's shoulders and the other hand wrapped around the phone and Yanjun's hand. He stared into his eyes, and the only thing he could think about was

Beautiful.

Those eyes were beautiful. He could look at them for so much longer than this 5 seconds.

 

He figured out, _the eye contact_ was the power holding him in place, so he broke it. He quickly scooted away from Yanjun, not looking at him.

 

"Hahaha..the picture stays then!"

Yanjun laughed nervously.

 

Zhangjing cursed himself internally. Many times. He hated physical contact, he really did. And one like this? Wow, he now even hated himself. And what was making it worse, was his increased heartbeat, probably because of jumping up and down to snatch away the cellphone.

 

Zhangjing pushed the vacuum cleaner to Yanjun, rolling his eyes.

"Whatever. You finish vacuuming the living room."

 

Yanjun, now broken free from his nervous state, looked at the vacuum cleaner in shock.

"Me??"

 

"Yes, you."

 

"I can't believe you're forcing me to clean this huge space!"

 

"Huge space! But it's only half of the living room, isn't it?"

 

"Are you using my own words against me? I didn't know you were such a person oh my God!"

Yanjun gasped dramatically.

 

Zhangjing rolled his eyes again but smiled.

"Well then surprise! I am such a person. Now do something beneficial and clean this place."

He said, uncovering the sofas.

 

"This is slavery..."

Yanjun nagged, starting vacuuming.

 

"I can hear you!"

 

"Yeah, that actually was my intention!!"

 

Zhangjing chuckled, knowing Yanjun won't hear him over the loud noises of the vacuum cleaner. It was a good decision to ask Yanjun to come over.

______________

Yanjun dropped down to the floor, sighing in relief.

"It's finally done!"

Zhangjing, draped over the couch said: "It was so difficult I feel bad for our cleaning lady."

 

"I always do the cleaning myself but there is a huge difference between cleaning a small house and cleaning this house!"

Yanjun whined.

 

"What'd you do if you had to clean my family's house then?"

Zhangjing stated.

Yanjun quickly turned around, eyes wide.

"Is it even bigger than here???"

 

"It's a duplex so, like, kinda two of this house."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"Now even I feel bad for that poor cleaning lady."

Zhangjing chuckled at that. Yanjun watched him with a smile. It was rare, seeing Zhangjing actually do more than smiling. He never knew why he didn't laugh much. But he knew that he really wanted to hear it, a louder and more heartfelt laugh. Maybe later.

 

"Do you want pizza?"

Zhangjing asked out of the blue, scrolling through his phone.

"What?"

 

"Pizza. For dinner. It's nearly 7."

 

"No no no I'll go home now."

Yanjun said, getting up from the floor. He hasn't realized how long he has been staying there.

"What do you mean you'll go home now? You can't go while you're starving."

Zhangjing said, not even changing his position on the couch.

 

"I'm not hungry."

Yanjun said, but right when he said it, his stomach generated some sort of a dying whale sound. Zhangjing raised an eyebrow and smirked.

"Sit down and choose what kind of pizza you want."

Zhangjing got up, throwing the menu he had beside him at Yanjun.

__________________

They were eating their dinner in silence when Yanjun brought up what has been bothering him since morning.

 

"Ummm, I was wondering, why did you leave all of a sudden this morning? You didn't even eat breakfast."

 

Zhangjing's hand carrying a slice of pizza to his mouth stopped mid-air, but soon he concentrated again.

"Well, it was an awkward situation and I avoid awkward situations."

 

"Awkward? Why was it awkward?"

Yanjun asked, confused.

 

"I mean, my parents suddenly showed up at your apartment early in the morning. That was embarrassing."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"Well not gonna say it wasn't awkward, but in my opinion, it wasn't embarrassing. Your parents seem so nice."

Yanjun said, smiling.

 

"Thank you...I suppose."

Zhangjing smiled back nervously. He wanted to ask whether he has heard their small bickering, which was more than that to him, but decided to skip it.

 

"You've never really talked to me about your parents. Do they live in Shanghai?"

Zhangjing asked, pouring sauce on his pizza.

Yanjun nearly choked on his cola because of that sudden question, coughing repeatedly.

 

"You're okay? Should I bring you water?"

Zhangjing asked worriedly, on the edge of his seat to get up and check on Yanjun. Yanjun raised his hand and shook his head. Zhangjing leaned back again.

 

"Uuuuuh, Yeah I don't really talk about them."

Yanjun said, rubbing the back of his neck.

 

"Oh...it's okay if you don't want to. I just thought it'd be nice to know your family a little more, but seriously, you don't have to-"

Zhangjing started, feeling guilty and nervous.

Yanjun cut him off with a short laugh.

"It's okay. I've even met your family so I think it'd be unfair if you don't know anything about mine."

 

He then scrolled through his phone, finding something. Then, he showed a picture to Zhangjing.

"That's my family. They live in Beijing now."

Zhangjing took the phone and looked at the picture. A middle-aged couple, a teenager boy and a younger girl sitting in front of them.

 

"Oh my God, you look exactly like your mother!"

Zhangjing said, excited and smiling at the phone.

 

"Yeah everyone says that. I have her eyes and nose, but my face's shape is like my father's."

Yanjun said proudly.

 

"Is that your sister?"

 

"Yes. She's younger than me. She's in high school now."

Zhangjing handed the phone back to Yanjun, still smiling.

"The picture seems old though. When was it taken?"

Zhangjing's eyes might've fooled him, but for a second, he saw Yanjun's smile falter. However, he decided he was mistaken when Yanjun wore his usual lazy smile again.

 

"Yeah. It was taken when I was in high school."

 

Zhangjing nodded, then said: "At least now I have someone who knows how annoying younger sisters are."

 

Yanjun laughed.

"They're not annoying. Well, not that much."

 

"Mine is so annoying. I don't know about yours."

 

"You're just a grumpy older brother."

 

"Oh shut up you yourself seem like the overprotective annoying kind!"

 

"Hey, that's not true! Why are you judging me??"

 

Zhangjing shrugged and stuck his tongue out.

"But on a serious note, having a younger sister is really nice in my opinion. Like, getting to watch them grow up, being there for them during difficulties, and just the bond you have with them is so precious and beautiful. Especially when they're going through their last years of being a teenager. This might sound cringing but when Zhi Ruo comes to me and nags about her problems, I may tease her, but it really makes me feel helpful and special. I think this part of having a sibling is adorable."

Zhangjing said, smiling at the table. He expected Yanjun to tease him and say that he didn't know he had this soft side to him, but he was surprised when the only thing he heard was silence. He shifted his eyes and looked at Yanjun, who was already looking at him.

His eyes were unreadable, but the vague smile that adorned his face was so bittersweet...

 

"Yes. Yes, that's really adorable."

He whispered, more to himself. Zhangjing wanted to ask him if he was okay, or why he suddenly looked so down, but before he could think of a proper question, Yanjun got up, faking a smile and said: "I'll clean up the table. You can take a rest."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so soRRY FOR UPDATING THIS LATE  
> BUT  
> my exams are over and I'm less stressed so that's good news, I can write better and post without a whole 20 dAyS wOw  
> btw I have a twitter acc so feel free to DM me and talk to me :D  
> Twitter: @Chogimonster


	16. Living alone is not cool

Living alone was harder than he expected. 70 hours (yes, he counted them) of being alone in that big house and he was feeling too lonely. His parents have told him not to leave the house for at least three days.

 

"Hell. Hell is how I can describe my situation right now."

Zhangjing groaned, staring out the window.

Yanjun laughed on the other side of the line, voice ringing delightfully in Zhangjing's ear. He could almost see him throwing his head back laughing.

 

"You really can't leave the house? Like, is it that bad? The whole thing about those kidnappers?"

Yanjun asked.

 

"I don't know. Probably not that easy, but bot this difficult that my dad's dragging it on. Could've been fixed that same day."

 

"Wait I'm lost. Then why wasn't it fixed?"

 

"Maybe because my father cares about the company's profit way too much that locking his children in their homes doesn't seem that bad."

 

There was a short silence.

_Wow. I just overshared._

 

"That...I'm sure he has his reasons."

Yanjun said, softly.

 

"Yeah yeah probably. Enough about me. How've you been these three days?"

Zhangjing asked, changing the subject to something more comfortable for him.

 

"Nothing much. I finally found a good service company to paint my house."

 

"Paint your house?? Already getting ready for Christmas?"

 

"Nah, The walls and their paint are a bit damaged too so I'm doing a repair. And the whole apartment has to get it's water supplies and electricity system checked and repaired. So I'm doing it all in one go."

 

"But that means you won't be able to go home for some time!"

 

"True. That's why I'm sitting here packing my precious belongings and thinking of any relatives I have in Beijing so I can stay over for a week or something."

 

The first thought in Zhangjing's mind was to invite Yanjun to stay with him. His second thought was shutting up for now.

 

"Any results yet?"

 

"Yeah. Other than the Huangs who are out of the town now, my eldest cousin, and my young uncle."

 

Zhangjing couldn't help but feel upset. Maybe, just maybe he kinda wanted Yanjun to stay at his place.

 

"So I'll probably go to a motel. Cause fact number 11, if I'm not wrong, I hate my eldest cousin and my young uncle."

 

Zhangjing nearly jumped up.

"You know, you can stay here too."

He said it before he could actually think twice about what he was saying.

 

"W-what?"

Yanjun asked, surprised.

 

Zhangjing slapped his forehead, shutting his eyes closed so maybe he could feel less embarrassed.

 

"I mean, why'd you go to a motel while you can just come here? I would feel bad if you do that."

 

"But...uh...I mean...I don't know about this..."

 

"It's your own choice after all but what I'm saying is, it's totally okay for you to stay at my place while your own house is being repaired."

 

"That's really nice of you...I don't know if it's fine to accept such a big offer, Zhangjing."

 

"That's the least I can do to repay you for what you did for me that night."

 

There was a silence, which was continuing for way too long. Zhanghing was about to say something when Yanjun started talking again.

 

"Fair enough."

 

"So...you're coming?"

 

"Is it really okay?"

 

"Totally."

 

"...So, I'll see you in three days if that's okay."

 

"Then see you in 3 days!"

_______________

 

For some unknown reasons, Zhangjing was feeling so light since his phone call with Yanjun. His mother was truly shocked when she called him to announce he can come back home in two days, but he said he wants to stay here for more time.

 

He was still considering if telling Zhengting would be a good idea. He'd be upset if he missed out on something like this, Yanjun staying at Zhangjing's place, but at the same time, Zhangjing knew he would make a big deal out of it. What was so surprising about Zhangjing making new friends?

 

 **Brat** :

Yanjun's staying at my place for a week while his house is being repaired

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Hello to you too

What????

Yanjundid wh

He

What are you saying??

 

 **Brat** :

Take a deep breath

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Shut

No

What

did you two get that close???

 

 **Brat** :

Idk

He's a good guy

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

That's

That's nice Zhangjing

It truly is

I'm happy you're finally trusting someone

 

 **Brat** :

I never said that

 

 **Zhuhu** :

You Zhangjing

 

 **Brat** :

He may be living here for a week but that doesn't mean he'll be allowed to know everything abt me and my life

End

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You're trash

 

 **Brat** :

Thank you

 

Zhuzhu:

You'll have to hold a sleepover tho

With the three of us

Maybe Justin too

Oh can I bring Xukun?

 

 **Brat** :

You just planned a sleepover at my house

And now you're even inviting guests

Can you like, not?

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

I'll visit you two anyways

Can't let my best friend be all alone with a handsome guy for a whole w e e k

 

 **Brat** :

Zhengting please

We both like girls

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

That doesn't prove something

Did I always know I was gay?

Yes but that doesn't mean anything

 

 **Brat** :

Sigh

I'm so done with you

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

What I'm saying is

Anyone could turn gay for Yanjun

Like

Have you seen his face?!?!?!

 

 **Brat** :

A screenshot was taken

And will be sent to Xukun if you don't shut up right now

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You thought you did sth there huh

Xukun agrees with me

 

 **Brat** :

What

Do you two gawk at people as a couple or what

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

First

We don't gawk at people

We just...appreciate beauty with its details

Second

Honesty is the key to a peaceful and healthy relationship

 

 **Brat** :

Whatever

That's creepy

I expected such a thing from you

But Xukun?

That was unexpected

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Excuse me

Are you trying to say that I'm a creep

 

 **Brat** :

Yes

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Well then

Are you trying to say that you've never stared at Yanjun's face?

 

 **Brat** :

...

Goodbye

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

hAH!

Goodbye You Zhangjing

I'll be visiting anyways

So be prepared

Keep me updated btw

______________

 

Living with a friend he's known for two months was rather strange to him despite being sociable and carefree. But what made this even stranger, was the fact that he'd be living with Zhangjing, that he has let him in his house, in his life. It excited him and made him feel special, knowing that he'll get to know the elder boy more.

 

When Zhangjing opened the door, he couldn't help but smile widely, even wider when the latter smiled at him right then.

 

He didn't have much stuff with him. Only a backpack for his laptop, tablet and camera, a suitcase or his clothes and a box filled with magazines and books he needed for writing articles.

 

After moving everything in the living room, Zhangjing said: "none of the rooms other than mine have beds. So uh, you can either use my room or-"

 

"I'll sleep on the couch."

Yanjun stated, smiling warmly. He could see that Zhangjing was feeling a bit uneasy.

 

"Since no one was supposed to live here at this moment, we didn't bother furnishing every single room."

Zhangjing said, shuffling awkwardly.

 

"It's really fine. I actually enjoy sleeping on couches. And these look so comfortable."

 

Zhangjing nodded in response, obviously more relieved.

 

"So uh, can I put my stuff here? Is it okay with you?"

Yanjun asked, pointing at his box and suitcase.

 

"Sure. I'm not a neat freak."

 

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"Tell me when you're ready for a house tour. I will not have you asking me where the restroom is at 2 AM."

 

"Do I really seem like that kind of a person??"

Yanjun, putting down his backpack gasped dramatically.

 

"Yes. Yes, you do."

Zhangjing said firmly. However, his little smile that was fighting its way to appear on his face wasn't helping him look fierce.

 

"Cause I actually am. We'll start this tour right now, to avoid me trying to find my way to the restroom at 2 AM, probably ending up in the pool."

Yanjun deadpanned.

 

Zhangjing sighed and started walking.

"You talk way too much."

There was a hint of a laugh in his voice.

 

The house was so big, even bigger than what Yanjun has seen the last time. The bedrooms were parted from the living room by a hallway leading to a smaller hall, where 5 identical doors were located, each opening to one bedroom.

 

"My room is this one."

Zhangjing pointed at one of the white doors. Yanjun nodded.

 

There were 3 restrooms in total. However, Zhangjing made sure to mention only one of them is going to be used and he has locked the other two.

 

Yanjun's favorite part of the house wasn't it's a vast living room or clean shining kitchen, it was the terrace. There was a pool in there, a small area with artificial grass, a swing, and a round table with four chairs around it.

 

He could already see how amazing living in such a house would be. Honestly speaking, he was starting to feel a little bit jealous. He loved his own small and cozy house, but who wouldn't love to live in such a big and luxurious penthouse? Also, Zhangjing had mentioned that his family's house is even bigger than this one. But deep inside, he knew this wasn't the main reason for his slight jealousy.

 

A sigh escaped his mouth before he could stop it. Zhangjing didn't fail to notice that, and asked: "is everything okay? Are you already tired?"

 

Yanjun laughed and ruffled his hair playfully, which earned him an accusing _Hey!_ From the elder.

 

"Yeah. This house is huge."

He said, smiling.

"Well good news, the tour just ended. Now you can go an do whatever you want."

Zhangjing shrugged, lazily turning around to head to his room.

 

Yanjun spent the rest of the day working on articles he had to get done for the week on his laptop and reading the latest fashion magazines. When he looked at the clock, it was already past 8 at night.

He hadn't really talked to Zhangjing, but he saw him walking to the fridge to grab some snacks while holding a book which seemed too boring and was probably economy related. He didn't fully understand why he'd have to study that much while he had a good privilege, and he asked that question when Zhangjing finally stepped out of his room in the last 3 hours, stretching and rubbing his neck.

 

"Because it's 20%, not 100%, and I'd feel bad if I don't study at all and still get a good grade because of that privilege."

He answered.

"Hmmm, but how doesn't the whole fake marriage for easier good grade doesn't make you feel bad?"

 

Zhangjing stared at him for a good while. Yanjun started to worry. Maybe he had said something wrong.

"It does. But isolating myself and my family for the sake of studying makes me feel even worse."

He said, voice flat. Yanjun gulped and nodded. He felt like he shouldn't continue talking about this matter, so he dropped it.

"What are we eating for dinner?"

He asked, changing the subject. The tense atmosphere disappeared as fast as it started.

"Takeout, obviously."

___________________

They ate dinner in front of the TV, watching "Scarlet Heart Ryeo: Moon Lovers"

 

"I've never watched the Chinese version which is the original one. Why are we watching the Korean version now?"

Zhangjing nagged, taking a bite from his Kung Pao chicken.

"Hush I've been waiting for the day the first marathon for like, a week. Concentrate."

 

"What should I concentrate on? 6 grown up shirtless men on the royal bathroom?"

 

"It's not even a bathroom and ummm, yes? Do you see them abs?"

 

"I don't want to."

 

"Hushhhhh let me appreciate the third prince's strong aura and tenth prince's cuteness"

 

Zhangjing shook his head and sighed. He never thought Yanjun would be the type to get all excited and hyped up for K-dramas. He didn't really like historical dramas anyways, but he had to admit that the 10th prince was cute and the 3rd prince indeed had a strong aura.

 

He thought he'd become bored and leave the living room eventually, but he was kinda being drawn into the drama, and Yanjun's expressive comments about every single thing that happened played a noticeable role.

 

"The 8th prince is pretty good-looking but you know, his jaw is too sharp, and he looks like he's about to fall asleep at any moment."

Yanjun said midway through episode 2, sipping a cola can.

 

"Do you even pay attention to the plot? Or like, the female lead? She's literally the main character, pay some attention."

Zhangjing said and chuckled when Yanjun's eyes grew wide.

 

"Of course I do! She's so pretty! And she's an independent nice girl. But well there are 8 of those princes, I need to pay more attention. Plus, they're all so handsome. Well, not the 2nd and 9th one, but still."

 

"It's interesting to know how much you appreciate beauty...in men."

 

Yanjun narrowed his eyes.

"Are you judging me?"

 

Zhangjing shrugged and turned his attention back to the TV. Watching a drama, sitting comfortably on the couch and discussing opinions about the drama (mostly the characters and their choice of outfit, sometimes the plot) was heartwarming in a mysterious way. Hearing Yanjun's airy laugh time to time, feeling the soft cushions surrounding them, even the mere touch between their shoulders when one of them made a sudden move due to a surprising, funny or stupid thing being said in the drama, all of it was pleasant in a confusing way.

 

That night, Zhangjing went to bed with a light heart, but a busy mind that was trying to figure out the source of those heartwarming feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi thank you for all the support, I really appreciate it. I just wanted to say that I'm never leaving this pic unfinished and that I've already written till chapter 21. Updates may be slow but they won't come to an end before this fic does :))))  
> (Also Moon lovers is one of the best K-dramas I've ever seen. 100% recommended.)


	17. Small Lies, Big Secrets

Zhangjing woke up to the sweet aroma of pancakes and coffee. In the kitchen, he saw Yanjun, preparing breakfast. Having heard his footsteps, Yanjun turned around and faced him, a smile brightening up his face.

"Morning!"

He waved. Zhangjing waved back.

 

"You look like a zombie."

Yanjun stated, returning to his task.

 

"Wow, thanks!"

Zhangjing yawned.

 

"This will be done till you get ready to head out. Hurry! I'm hungry."

 

After washing up and wearing his clothes, ready to head out to the university, they both sat behind the counter.

It was a quiet breakfast. Both simply enjoying the delicious pancakes Yanjun has made for both of them. Zhangjing couldn't really remember the last time he had a breakfast like this. Sure he got to eat with his family on weekends, but during weekdays, especially when he had morning classes, eating a peaceful, actual breakfast that wasn't just coffee and cookies was rare. He really appreciated the fact that Yanjun has gotten up early to prepare all of this. _Maybe I should do the same for him once while he's here,_ Zhangjing thought to himself.

 

"Which days do you have morning classes?"

He asked, sipping on his coffee. There was a pause, and for a second, Yanjun looked uncertain.

"Most of my classes are in the afternoon. So, never actually."

 

That was weird. _How can a university student not have any morning classes?_ Zhangjing wanted to ask but it was getting late, so he decided to do it some other time. Without saying much, he thanked Yanjun for the breakfast, gave him a spare key and left for university.

 

Never has he been this energetic and happy when going to morning classes. Maybe it was for breakfast, maybe the coffee was stronger than what he usually drank, or maybe it was because of the fact that he had someone next to him during the past hours.

Whatever it was, he had a pleasant feeling. But with every pleasant feeling of having a friend beside him, came a glint of anxiety and uncertainty. He hoped, really hoped that this glint wouldn't ruin the light that was slowly shining upon his life.

______________

It was a long day at university. 5 classes and Zhangjing was ready to go off about his torturous professors and stupid classmates once he got home. However, he was surprised for the second time when he entered the house. _Food_.

 

The smell was amazing. It was probably Noodles.

"Hey! How was university?"

Yanjun walked out of the kitchen, holding two huge bowls.

"Oh my God is that Dandan Noodles??"

Zhangjing nearly screeched, which earned a laugh from Yanjun.

"Yeah. Also, I want to eat on the terrace, so wear something warm, I suppose."

 

Zhangjing looked lovingly at his bowl, sitting down and holding his sweater close to him. All his dead energy came back to his body all of a sudden.

 

"So the professor sets a date for an exam of a subject he hasn't even finished teaching! Like, sir, first off, this isn't middle school, what is even this exam for? Making sure our parents know we're flopping? And second, if I could understand the whole book by just reading it myself, why would I even be in this goddamn university??"

 

Yanjun laughed. The laugh which he threw his head back and closed his eyes, the one Zhangjing has kind of grown fond of lately.

After making all of his snarky comments about his day and finishing his dinner, he smiled at Yanjun and said: "that was so delicious. You really know how to cook!"

 

"Yeah. Been doing that for a while now."

Yanjun responded, still eating.

"Right, you need to know how to cook if you live alone. However, this is some expert level.

 

"I've lived alone long enough for that."

Yanjun shrugged.

"Oh..."

 

"5 years."

 

Zhangjing nearly spat out his drink.

"5 years??"

Doing basic maths told him that Yanjun has been living alone since he was 18.

Yanjun nodded and smiled vaguely, staring at his bowl. There was something wrong with this sudden change of mood, and Zhangjing didn't like it. Yanjun was uneasy and he didn't want that. Clearing his throat, he said: "Anyways thank you for saving me from eating take-outs every day."

Yanjun looked up, any sign of uneasiness gone now.

"You're welcome. Gotta keep you alive till the end of your finals."

 

Something dropped in Zhangjing's stomach. Finals. Not the finals themselves, but the fact that their settlement would come to its end when he finished his final, that they wouldn't have any reasons to spend time together again.

He slowly shook his head, trying to divert his attention from that matter.

 

They finished dinner in silence, sitting there and staring at the night sky. It was a strange feeling, a strange but good feeling. Having Yanjun around has made him feel so much more relieved and content.

 

"I need to tell you something."

Yanjun's voice pulled Zhangjing out of his thoughts. He looked at Yanjun and nodded.

 

"I..I lied about my classes this morning."

He said, looking down.

"What do you mean?"

Zhangjing asked, confused.

"I didn't want to but I kinda...I don't know I just..."

Yanjun sighed, closing his eyes.

"I feel bad for hiding this from you and lying about it this morning. I don't go to university."

Yanjun still wasn't looking at him.

"Umm, so have you already graduated or..."

 

"I'm a high school dropout."

 

It took a few seconds for Zhangjing to digest what exactly Yanjun said, and when he did, a wave of guilt hit him, not knowing the reason himself.

"It's okay that you didn't want me to know, I understand."

Zhangjing smiled. Yanjun raised his head, looking at him in surprise.

"You're not angry?"

 

"Why should I be?"

 

"I..I lied to you. I told you I have afternoon classes and such. Aren't you angry about that?"

 

"I don't mind at all. I mean, it wasn't a big thing so lying about it isn't that bad, right? What I'm curious about is why you felt the necessity to act as a university student in front of me."

 

Yanjun didn't answer immediately. Playing with his fingers, he finally responded: "I didn't want to seem like an incompetent person to you."

 

Zhangjing stared at him with wide eyes. Where did the confident Yanjun go? This insecure and unsure boy sitting in front of him, unable to look at him in the eyes and pulling on his nail cuticles was so foreign to him.

He reached out a hand and held one of Yanjun's hands in place, stopping him from unintentionally hurting his own fingers by skinning them. Yanjun raised his head, surprised once again.

 

"Don't say that ever again. Education doesn't present your value. I don't know why you feel like this, or who made you feel like this, but a high school dropout or a professor, the human values can be just the same based on how they live, how they treat others and how they affect their surroundings."

 

Yanjun stayed silent, not once breaking the eye contact. Slowly, a small smile appeared on his lips.

Zhangjing sighed, relieved. He lifted his hand, leaning against his chair and crossing his arms over his chest.

 

"Okay, but who made you think like that? I need to tell them a thing or two, fight them if necessary."

 

Yanjun's smile stayed there, but something changed in his eyes.

"It's not nice of you to fight my parents if I'm being honest."

 

Zhangjing just stared. He might've heard his words wrong, but then why did Yanjun look so sad, so pained and so vulnerable? It didn't make any sense.

He put the pieces together, completing a puzzle.

Gathering enough courage, he asked: "The reason you started living alone..."

 

Yanjun nodded.

"They didn't appreciate my decision of following fashion and working in the industry as a journalist. They didn't even like the idea of studying journalism in university. So yeah, I left to follow my own dreams and they stopped my financial support to bring me back to my senses."

 

Zhangjing felt so cold, even after eating a warm dinner, even wearing a warm cloth, he suddenly felt so cold. This was wrong. _Yanjun shouldn't have gone through something like that._

 

"But I never changed my mind. I studied so much about the thing I loved, and I got a job to put what I know to use. I think that's good enough."

Yanjun's smile was a bit hopeful now, giving Zhangjing enough courage to talk.

"Have you seen your family since..."

He trailed off, understanding how far he might be going and how he might be crossing the line.

"Not really."

Yanjun answered, now avoiding eye contact.

"I've seen my parents twice or three times by accident and had a coffee with them, told them how my life was going. I talk to them on special occasions or holidays too. My sister..I haven't seen her even once in five years."

He paused, taking a deep breath.

"They say I'm a bad influence, so she shouldn't be in contact with me. They want her to become a doctor or a lawyer. But she texts me sometimes, telling me everything that happened to her during the time we lost contact."

 

Zhangjing didn't say a word. Eventually, Yanjun got up, about to gather their plates and head back to the kitchen. Zhangjing got up too, and hesitantly took a step towards him. Yanjun smiled, his usual dimply smile but it seemed a bit forced. Zhangjing decided to block his mind and sense of self-control for a few seconds. If it meant Yanjun could feel a bit happier, a bit warmer on this cold breeze, then his own little rules and boundaries didn't really matter.

 

He took another step, embracing the younger in a hug. Yanjun tensed up, but soon he relaxed in Zhangjing's warmth, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his cheek on his shoulder. Zhangjing smiled at the reaction he received. Tapping gently on his back, he softly said: "If it ever gets too difficult, just remember that I'm here and I will hear you out."

Yanjun nodded against his shoulder.

"It'll be so much nagging. Are you okay with that?"

Yanjun's muffled voice had a hint of a laugh in it, relieving Zhangjing.

"Years of being friends with Zhengting really made me immune to that."

Yanjun laughed at his response. Zhangjing's smile widened and he gently pulled away.

 

And here came the embarrassment. Just how easy it was to be all nice and supportive while holding him but right after breaking the contact, he wanted to melt and go under the ground. Somewhere deep, deep down where no human being could find him.

His eyes met Yanjun's, so he quickly gathered the plates.

"I-I'll wash these. Thank you for the dinner."

He gathered the courage to look at Yanjun once again and nod before leaving the terrace in the fastest speed possible.

__________

Yanjun spent a long time thinking about how everything felt like after he spilled his biggest secret to Zhangjing. It felt comforting at some points. Not many people other than the Huangs and some really close relatives knew about his damaged relationship with his parents. He hasn't talked to his close friends except Ziyang about the matter either. He has been spending so much time with Zhangjing recently and hiding something like that just felt wrong. He couldn't define the actual reason for his guilt and want of being totally honest with Zhangjing. However, a small part of him knew the reason. The thing that happened to Zhangjing that night, how traumatized he seemed after the kidnappers were gone, and his small fight with his parents at Yanjun's apartment. There was a deeper story behind it all, he could feel it. But he already knew too much, sharing his life's biggest secret would make up for it.

 

He rolled over in his cocoon on the couch, hugging his blankets and smiling. He couldn't help but feel all smiley thinking about how Zhangjing hesitantly walked up to him and hugged him. He wasn't expecting such an act of affection, but it was soothing in an odd way. It was a hug, but it didn't feel as calming and warm when someone else did it.

 

 _Zhangjing is definitely a friend I want to keep close to myself_ is what Yanjun concluded at 2 AM before falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So about two days ago I was like hmmm it hasn't been a week since last update right? AND THEN I SAW THE DATE AND HONESTLY I'M SO SHOCKED. IS TIME PASSING THIS FAST FOR EVERYONE OR IS IT JUST LIKE THIS FOR ME??   
> also this chapter was originally longer but I decided to save the angst for later. Yes, there is a plenty of angst on the way.


	18. Selfishness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been waiting for this chapter since the day I started writing this fic. yeet.

Zhangjing didn't have any classes the next day, but Yanjun woke up earlier to make breakfast anyways.

Zhangjing walked into the living room with the same messy hair and pale face as yesterday morning. Yanjun smiled brightly at him: "Morning!"

An incoherent groan was Zhangjing's answer. Yanjun laughed as the older stumbled towards the bathroom.

It was silent at the table, both simply enjoying their waffles and fruits.

Zhangjing quickly headed back to his room after the breakfast, saying he had to study.

It was boring. _So boring_. It wasn't like this when Zhangjing was at the university. Yanjun sat on the couch, doing some research on the internet. He lay on the couch, switching between TV channels. It was still boring. Right before lunch, he finally knocked on Zhangjing's door.

"Yes?"

Zhangjing asked.

"Zhangjing!"

Yanjun whined.

"Aren't you tired of staying in that room??"

 

"Umm, no?"

 

"Zhangjing I'm bored!"

It was silent for a few moments. Yanjun mentally cursed at himself. He just had to go and act all childish and desperate in front of Zhangjing and annoy him-

 

The door was opened, and Zhangjing was looking at Yanjun, sighing.

"Do you want to watch a movie? Or whatever, I really don't know."

"Can we go out for lunch?"

Yanjun asked enthusiastically. Zhangjing hesitated but then nodded.

"Then get prepared quickly. I'm hungry."

__________

 

They walked in a park after their lunch, huddled under their coats and scarfs. It was too cold for November.

It was a silent walk until Yanjun finally broke the silence.

"Were you studying all morning?"

Zhangjing nodded.

"Kinda. Why?"

 

"Was just curious."

Yanjun shrugged.

"You seem pretty determined about getting your degree."

He continued.

"I am. I worked so hard for being here, I might as well finish the road I've been walking for past years in a good manner."

 

"That's nice."

It was silent again. This time, Zhangjing continued the conversation: "Do you do all your work from home?"

It took the latter a few seconds to figure out what he was saying.

"Um, kinda. I have to visit the office sometimes but it's mostly done from home. It's a nice job, kinda."

 

Zhangjing nodded in response.

Yanjun went on: "I'm trying to gather a good résumé so I can apply for jobs in better and more famous magazines. This one doesn't sound that appealing anymore."

 

They reached a bench, sitting down to take a rest.

"What about you? What are you planning to do with your degree once you graduate?"

Yanjun asked, facing Zhangjing. He simply shrugged.

"Uh, what does that mean?"

Yanjun asked, confused.

"It means I don't know. Never really thought about that, and really do not care either."

Something in his expression said that he was lying, and Yanjun could understand that. But something else in his voice said that he didn't want to continue that conversation, and Yanjun could see that perfectly. Zhangjing quickly averted his eyes when he made eye contact with Yanjun, leaving him confused.

 

Zhangjing kept many secrets to himself and he was not willing to let Yanjun know more than a few of them. It was totally okay, Yanjun knew that. However, Yanjun didn't know the reason for the frustration in his heart when every day that fact hit him in the face.

__________

It was the fourth day of his stay in Zhangjing's place when Yanjun finally decided that he wasn't happy with the lack of interactions between them. It's been the same for the past two days: Good morning, breakfast, lunch (if Zhangjing wasn't on class), short chat about how the day went which was literally Zhangjing just shrugging and saying everything was okay, dinner, goodnight.

It was strange, how Zhangjing was simply ignoring him. Yanjun figured out, things have changed a bit after he told Zhangjing about his parents and his life. That caused fear to spread in his whole mind, was Zhangjing looking down on him? Did he no longer want to be friends with him?

All that led him to finally asking Zhangjing about it that evening.

Zhangjing was sitting on a couch, scrolling on his phone. Yanjun hesitantly sat on the couch in front of him.

"Ummm, Zhangjing?"

Zhangjing stopped, now looking at Yanjun.

"Hmm?"

He mumbled, surprised by Yanjun suddenly appearing there.

Yanjun sighed.

"Did I do something to irritate you?"

Now Zhangjing looked shocked.

"What? No, why?"

He asked, confused.

 

Yanjun shrugged and looked at his interwind hands on his laps.

"It's just that I feel like you've been avoiding me for a while."

 

There was a silence that lasted for mere seconds.

"I did?"

Zhangjing asked, more from himself.

Yanjun didn't say anything.

"I didn't realize. I've been kinda busy studying so uh, I didn't really pay attention I guess? But no, you didn't do anything wrong."

 

That calmed Yanjun's rising stress. He smiled and nodded, looking at his face with concentration.

He couldn't find a trace of anger, but he could see a slight touch of unease reflecting in his brown eyes. Right when he saw it, Zhangjing directed his gaze to his phone.

"I'm free tonight. So, do you want to go outside or something? we've been staying indoors a lot recently."

Zhangjing asked, still looking at his phone.

Yanjun smiled widely, all the negative emotions from the past few minutes washed away.

"Sure! Where should we go?"

_____________

Cloth shopping with a fashion journalist could be both a blessing and a curse. To Zhangjing, Yanjun wasn't sure which one he was. He just knew that Zhangjing had zero fashion information.

"Excuse me I'm extremely up-to-date on fashion trends!"

Zhangjing frowned, checking out winter coats.

"Okay, maybe not zero. I'll give you a 2."

Yanjun smirked.

"And I'll give you an option: Shut up."

 

"Rude."

 

"I told you, I'm not wearing an orange sweater."

 

"Oh my God, you didn't even try the outfit I suggested you just said the colors will look shitty together!"

 

"Cause they do. Who wears orange with blue."

 

"It's dark blue, there is a difference. And literally everyone with some fashion sense!"

 

"I will not try a damn orange sweater."

Yanjun rolled his eyes, walking towards the place where the said sweater was. He grabbed a Large sized one, a dark blue coat, and dark blue jeans from other parts of the store.

 

He threw all of them at Zhangjing.

"You'll wear them all."

 

Zhangjing grimaced at the sweater.

"No."

 

"At least try them on!"

Yanjun groaned.

 

Zhangjing sent him a death glare.

"Please?"

Yanjun asked, showing off his best innocent face.

Zhangjing sighed.

"Fine. But I won't buy them, and you can't change my mind"

____________

Zhangjing bought all of them, and they had dinner at a Korean restaurant. He was so calm and energetic, just like before. Yanjun wondered why he ever doubted him. He smiled softly at the delicate boy sitting in front of him, busy with his bulgogi.

He wanted them to be like this for a long time. _Longer than the end of Zhangjing's spring semester..._

_____________

"Zhangjing are you sure you're okay?"

 

Zhangjing closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

"I am."

 

"You've been there for half an hour."

Yanjun's voice was genuinely concerned.

 

Zhangjing wanted to bang his head against the wall. Could Yanjun at least leave one thing unnoticed?

He sprayed air-freshener one more time and washed his face with cold water again.

He has run to the bathroom, living his dinner unfinished and Yanjun worried. He could easily hide his stress and anxiety, but he couldn't hide vomiting without ruining a part of his house.

 

"Zhangj-"

 

"Goddammit Wait for a second!"

He growled, shutting Yanjun up.

"Okay.."

He immediately felt guilty.

He took a deep breath, counted to three and opened the door.

Yanjun snapped his head up at hearing the door being opened.

"Oh my God I thought you were dying or someth- Wait why are you so pale?"

He moved quickly towards Zhangjing, scanning his face with worry.

Zhangjing took a step back.

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

He tried to avoid eye contact.

It was silent for a moment.

"Did you throw up?"

Yanjun asked softly. Zhangjing kept looking away.

"Is it because of the food? Are you allergic to shrimp?"

The guilt was back. _Could Yanjun stop blaming himself for literally everything?_

"No. I'm not allergic to shrimp. The food was amazing."

Zhangjing said quietly, looking at the ground and not raising his head up.

Another silence. Zhangjing didn't want to look at Yanjun. He knew his eyes would give everything away if he did. He could feel Yanjun's precise gaze on him, the one that could pierce his eyes and see everything in his soul. The gaze that made him uncomfortable.

But then the hands that gently started patting his shoulder were so comfortable.

"I'll wash the dishes tonight. Try to sleep. Do you want me to bring you any medicine?"

Zhangjing snapped his head up. Yanjun's subtle expression...he felt a familiar yet strange feeling in his chest. It was warm. So warm and calming.

He nodded and said: "Just...an Advil pill."

Yanjun nodded and smiled.

He walked to his room. His migraine attack wasn't helping his messed up condition. It wasn't easy. Coping with the constant fear of being attacked was slowly affecting his physical health too. He didn't know what to do.

Time will solve it. _It'll get better eventually, right?_

 

A knock on his door and Yanjun walked in, holding a plate with a glass of water and a pill on it.

Zhangjing moved to the edge of his bed, taking the glass and pill from Yanjun. Yanjun stood there, patient.

When he was done, he gave the glass to Yanjun.

"Make sure to sleep. Okay?"

Yanjun smiled. Zhangjing looked him in the eyes this time. That feeling once again. What he needed the most was comfort. Yanjun was the only one around at the moment. He was about to leave when Zhangjing let his heart take control. He grabbed Yanjun by the end of his sleeve, stopping him.

Yanjun turned around, surprised.

He was so, so close to pouring his heart out. He was so ready to give in and ask for help.

_How can you trust him?_

He felt his heart drop to his stomach.

_How can I trust him?_

The voices were so vivid, leaving him bewildered and disturbed.

Maybe later.

"Would you please turn off the lights before leaving and close the door?"

He heard his own voice, and he saw the confusion on Yanjun's face.

"Sure."

 

Zhangjing let go of his sleeve and lied on the bed, hugging his blankets.

Click.

It was dark and quiet once again.

The pain killer was kicking in and a single tear dropped from his eye before falling asleep.

_______________

He didn't eat breakfast in an attempt to avoid nausea. Yanjun didn't insist on it either. However, he made sure Zhangjing knew skipping meals would only cause more nausea at some point.

He studied, listened to music, doodled, he did lots of things. Still, the unease in his stomach and his faster than normal heartbeat wouldn't go away.

 

Zhangjing refused to eat lunch too, but Yanjun forced him to sit down and at least have some salad.

 

"It's not nice of you to refuse the last meals I'm making for you."

Yanjun said, faking a hurt expression.

 

Zhangjing stared.

"Last meals?"

 

"Yeah. My home's all prepared now. I can move back tomorrow."

Yanjun said cheerfully. Zhangjing nodded, suddenly feeling so much worse. Could he live alone? He wasn't used to being alone... But he could go back to his parents' house since it was technically where he lived in the first place. How on earth did one week pass? Wasn't it yesterday when Yanjun awkwardly showed up on in his house with a suitcase and a box? Why did his heart suddenly felt so heavy?

 

"Zhangjing.."

Zhangjing snapped his head up, finding Yanjun looking at him.

"Why are you so absent-minded lately? Are you okay?"

He asked.

 

"I'm fine."

Zhangjing said, trying not to avoid eye-contact so visibly.

Yanjun started playing with his food.

"You haven't smiled at all since two days ago that we went shopping. You're making me worried."

He pouted, looking at his food.

The look on his face made Zhangjing want to cringe and coo at the same time.

So he did none and smiled softly when Yanjun looked at him. He literally beamed at seeing him smile.

"See? It makes you and I happier. Now smile wider."

Yanjun said with a huge smile.

"No wide smiles."

Zhangjing shook his head.

Yanjun's face dropped.

"Why?"

 

"Because if I smile any wider than this, it'll be ugly and weird."

Yanjun stared at him for a moment, then frowned.

"No, it won't be. Why do you think like that?"

 

"It's all gums and teeth. It's ugly."

 

"Excuse me what else is supposed to be there? Do other people have an eye or a hand in their mouth when they smile widely?"

Yanjun dead-panned.

That made Zhangjing laugh, forgetting how he didn't like it when his mouth got in the shape of a wide smile.

 

They finished launch and Zhangjing washed the dishes. While doing so, he announced: "I'm heading out in the evening to take a book from the library."

 

Yanjun, working on his laptop, mumbled something that might've been a "yeah".

Zhangjing sighed, putting the dishes aside, going back to his room.

_______________

On the subway, heading back home after visiting several bookstores and libraries to find the book he wanted. It was nearly sunset. There was an invisible line between where the blue sky turned golden, and another invisible line between the golden sky and the scarlet horizon.

He was tired. Mentally, not physically. He didn't have the strength to check his phone when he heard the sound of SMS notification.

 

Zhangjing didn't say more than a "Hello" to Yanjun when he came back home at 7 PM. He rushed to his room, taking deep breaths. The fear was still there, yet he had to tolerate it and get his outdoor tasks done by himself.

 

He didn't want to, but when Yanjun called his name and told him that he has to eat dinner, he had to leave his room.

 

Yanjun was standing next to a sofa, waiting for Zhangjing.

"You'll sit here and you'll eat the whole plate."

Yanjun has decided to eat dinner in the living room instead of the kitchen. In front of the sofa, on the table, was a plate full of fried rice. Zhangjing quietly went over and sat down, not once looking at Yanjun.

 

They ate in silence. Zhangjing was about to go back to his room when Yanjun stopped him.

"Would you please not lock yourself up in that room? At least sit in the living room for a while."

Yanjun said. Zhangjing looked at him, his eyes were showing worry and plead. He didn't get up from his place and just stared at the empty dishes in front of him.

"Are you really okay?"

Yanjun asked suddenly. Zhangjing froze. Yanjun was looking at him like that again. Like he was trying to look right into his soul. It was pressuring. _It was so pressuring_. All he wanted was to be alone at that moment. He didn't know why but everything became much more difficult to endure at nights.

 

Zhangjing nodded, about to look away when Yanjun said: "But you don't seem to be..."

 

That was it. That was enough to break him and his willpower.

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Zhangjing snapped, feeling all the anger and stress in him slowly rising. _He shouldn't be doing this._

 

"Like what?"

Yanjun asked, startled.

 

"Like you can see through me. Like you can see everything I'm trying my best to hide from everyone. Like all my weaknesses and secrets are spilled right in front of you!"

Zhangjing raised his voice.

Yanjun didn't respond, too surprised by Zhangjing's sudden outburst.

 

"Just let me be! Stop asking me if I'm okay every day!"

 

At that, Yanjun said: "Why is it so bad to ask if you're okay? Am I supposed to see you being down and blue and just ignore it?"

 

Zhangjing got up.

"Why do you even care so much?"

He nearly shouted.

Yanjun got up too, anger slowly rising on his face.

 

"Because you're not okay but you're trying to hide it and it's eating you up from within!"

 

"I asked why the hell do you care so much??"

 

"Because I care for you! Gosh is that a crime??"

Yanjun said, clearly irritated.

 

"Then don't! Please don't! This is putting me under so much pressure so please stop!"

Zhangjing said, voice loud, heart beating fast as words escaped his mouth.

 

"Why should it always be about how you feel??"

Yanjun said, frowning. What?

 

"Why can't it ever be about how I feel? You pull me in one second and then push me so far away the next one. Why can't it be about how you confuse me so much and then put the blame on me??"

Yanjun shouted. Zhangjing just stood there, astounded. He stared at Yanjun who was exploding with anger and frustration.

"I'm just trying my best to make things easier for you. I know that you haven't been the same since that incident, and I'm just trying to get you to stop carrying the weight of it alone. Why do you make everything so hard for yourself and for me??"

Yanjun took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Meanwhile, Zhangjing just stared, unable to say a word. Different emotions overflowing but he kept all of them in control at the moment.

 

"But no. No, you just can't seem to understand. It's hurting you emotionally and physically, yet you try so hard to push me away and deal with it on your own. You just can't trust me and for one second, for one damn second talk about how you feel. It can make everything hurt so much less but you just don't want to!"

 

"I never expected you to trust me with your whole heart, and I knew you wouldn't tell me about the thing that happened that night. But I was there and I saw it all, yet you try to act like it never happened."

 

"Stop..."

Zhangjing murmured, but Yanjun couldn't hear.

 

"It's frustrating. It's really frustrating that no matter how much I try, you don't trust me one bit to lessen your pain and anxiety. I asked you directly several times, I waited for you to feel less on the edge so you could talk about it, I even told you my biggest secret in life, so that you don't feel too exposed for letting out your fear and stress, I-"

 

"I never asked you to!"

Zhangjing screamed. Yanjun stopped mid-sentence.

"I never asked you to care about me. I never asked you to share the burden that is mine with me. I never asked you to get this involved with my personal life. I never asked you to tell me about the biggest secret in your life. I never asked you to do any of this!!!"

 

He was breathless, his throat was starting to hurt. His vision was blurry, but he could still see the speechless expression on Yanjun's face past the tears.

It was a bit too late when he realized what he had just said. There was hurt in Yanjun's eyes. Hurt and disbelief.

 

"I'll wash the dishes..."

Yanjun said quietly. And without another word, he rushed past Zhangjing.

 

They didn't talk for the rest of the night.


	19. Cold feelings, Rain and Coffee

It was cold. It was cold and suffocating. He wanted to get up but he couldn't. He was stuck in a dream in which he was alone. So alone.

He woke up in cold sweat. Clutching his chest, he looked at the clock on his nightstand. 6:48 in the morning. He took a deep breath. He was getting used to seeing nightmares of himself burning in an invisible fire in his legs while running, but this...this was different. Why did he feel so cold, scared and lonely..?

 

It hit him. Last night's fight with Yanjun... He covered his face with his hands, sighing. He shouldn't have said the things he said. Yanjun was angry, and he had the right to be. Zhangjing was furious, and he emptied all of it on Yanjun. He shouldn't have.

 

But he could make it up to him, right? He got up.

I'll make breakfast and the tension will ease up a bit. Then we can talk and I can say that I was wrong.

He lightly smiled at the idea and slowly walked out of his room, trying to be quiet as possible.

His smile was wiped off when he found the living room empty.

It looked like as if no one ever slept there at nights, worked there in the evenings and basically lived there for a week. All of Yanjun's belongings were gone and his blanket was folded neatly on the couch next to his pillow.

Zhangjing felt a cold rush dropping right from his heart to his stomach.

 

He slowly walked back to his room, where he fell on his bed and disappeared in a heap of blankets, trying to get rid of the cold feeling he felt inside of him with sleep.

___________

He woke up again at 8 O'clock. This time, the bitter and uncomfortable feeling came back right after two seconds of opening his eyes. He sat on the bed and grabbed his phone. Yanjun wouldn't leave without a word, would he?

But he hasn't received any text notifications during the night. His heart stopped at seeing Yanjun's name on his SMS lists. He opened his text, quickly disappointed since it was from yesterday evening.

 

**Yanjun** :

Fact #13

You have the most adorable smile

Don't you dare say it's ugly

Smile more often, okay?

It really suits you :)))

 

Zhangjing stared at the text for a long time. Long enough to read every word ten times, to take in the meaning of every sentence, and with every word, he hated himself more and more.

 

_What have I done?_

____________

It's been five days and he had received no call or text from Yanjun.

Going through that day was unbelievably difficult, especially when he had 4 classes in just one day. Therefore when he arrived at the library and sat down in front of Zhengting, he just placed his head on the cold wooden desk and sighed.

"Well hello!"

Zhengting said sarcastically. Zhangjing just groaned in response.

Zhengting frowned.

"Hey, are you okay?"

Zhangjing nodded against the table, but quickly changed it to a "no" by shaking his head.

He was forcefully pulled up by a great power. He looked at Zhengting with shock, who was now dragging him out of the library.

He stopped when they were far enough to be able to talk normally.

"Now tell me what happened."

Zhengting asked, still frowning.

Zhangjing tried his hardest to look confused.

Zhengting rolled his eyes.

"Don't give me that face and just tell me why you've been acting weird these days."

 

"Acting like what?"

 

"Are you testing my patience You Zhangjing?"

 

Zhangjing sighed, of course, he could never defeat Zhengting.

 

"I got in a fight with Yanjun."

He said, looking at the tiles on the floor.

 

"Huh? That's it?"

Zhangjing looked up, finding his best friend totally confused.

"What do you mean by that's it? What should it be?"

Zhangjing asked, annoyed.

"Oh.." Zhengting scratched his head.

"Then how bad was it?"

 

Zhangjing sighed. "He was supposed to leave and go back to his house the next day. He left sometime in midnight or early morning."

 

"Oh God..."

Zhengting covered his mouth, surprised.

"But you never fight? I mean, you always nag and grumble but you rarely lose your patience and fight. What happened? Did he say or do something wrong?"

 

Zhangjing shook his head, now staring at his shoes.

"I mean, he did say things that got on my nerves, but the fact that I've been a bit stressed recently and it has made my responses a bit...harsh."

He felt hands holding his shoulders. He looked up. Zhengting was looking at him with concern.

"Hey. It's okay, tell me what happened. I won't judge."

 

Zhangjing sighed. Of course, he couldn't say everything, but he could at least make things hurt a bit less by talking to Zhengting. He omitted plenty of the story. He didn't talk about Yanjun's secret, or how much he was still deeply stressed after being nearly kidnapped.

 

Zhengting didn't say anything the whole time and listened carefully. When Zhangjing was done, he took some seconds to think about it.

"I think you should apologize."

He finally said. Before Zhangjing could protest, he continued: "of course this wasn't 100% your fault, but I think you hurt his feelings more than what can be healed by itself."

 

Zhangjing nodded. "I know, but I...I don't know...I can't do it.."

 

"Why? He might be angry with you right now but he's not the kind of guy to stay that mad even after you apologize. I mean, he doesn't seem to be."

He knew. Zhangjing truly knew all of these, yet he just couldn't bring himself to apologize. It wasn't like he could explain it to Zhengting, he couldn't even totally understand it himself, so he just nodded. They silently headed back to the library, carrying on with their assignments.

_You don't always lose people by trusting them with your whole heart, sometimes you lose them by not trusting them at all._

Zhengting had said before Zhangjing stepped out of the library at dusk to go home.

And Zhangjing didn't want to lose Yanjun.

_________________

"I did say home was boring without you but you know what? Can you just go back to your own house?"

Zhi Ruo dead-panned, looking at a motionless Zhangjing sprawled all over the biggest sofa in the living room.

"Oh my God at least answer me so that I know you're still alive."

 

"Don't you have exams or something?

Zhangjing groaned.

"No, because It's near Christmas. We have assignments and I have done all of them because I'm an amazing student unlike you."

Zhangjing threw a cushion at her which she took by hand.

"Anyhow, how's your relationship going with Yanjun?"

Zhangjing froze.

"Uhhh, not bad. Why?"

Zhi Ruo shrugged. "You don't talk about him that much. Did you two fight?"

 

Honestly, Zhangjing wanted to punch himself.

"No, and I don't know why you're so interested in our relationship."

Our relationship...were they even friends now? Yanjun was ignoring his existence for a week now.

"You know what really amazes me? Yanjun-ge has the face of a 100% hetero, yet here he is. Dating you. You out of all those guys out there."

 

"Excuse me?"

Zhangjing raised an eyebrow.

"He'd look great with someone like Zhengting. Or Mubo-ge. Whoa, imagine the power that couple would hold!"

Zhangjing stared at her in awe. Zhengting? Mubo? Seriously?

 

"I wasn't here for barely two weeks, what has happened to you?"

Zhi Ruo shrugged again.

"Nothing. Just saying that they'd look cute together."

 

"Well, unfortunately, Yanjun is my boyfriend, not Mubo's or Zhengting's, whether we look cute together or not."

He got up quickly and stomped off to his room. He closed the door and sat on his bed, crossing his arms over his chest. What? Wasn't he handsome enough to be dating Yanjun? He had a cute face he had to admit, it couldn't be considered handsome or whatever, but he didn't look bad, right?

Wait why was he even thinking about that? And why was he truly acting as if Yanjun was _his_ boyfriend? What was this warm and pleasant feeling in his chest when he said _"Yanjun is my boyfriend"_ to his sister out loud?

"Oh my God I'm losing my mind, aren't I?"

 

_Why can't it ever be about how I feel? You pull me in one second and then push me so far away the next one. Why can't it be about how you confuse me so much and then put the blame on me?_

 

He could still hear every word clearly, as if it was being said to him exactly at that moment.

Did he really do that? Did he really push Yanjun away right after pulling him in? Did he...did he confuse him by doing that? But now he was the confused one. It was never about how Yanjun felt...and Zhangjing was realizing it a bit too late. There were millions of questions going around in his head, ones he should've asked before exploding and attacking Yanjun with his hurtful words.

 

His heart felt so heavy at remembering that night again, the warm feeling from a minute ago banishing as if it never existed.

He buried his head in his pillows.

"Why do you make me feel like this..."

______________

 

It was a nice, beautiful Friday evening when Zhangjing finally decided that he really couldn't handle the emotional pressure he felt. The guilt was breaking him inside and he was sick of it. At this point, he didn't really bother thinking about the source of all these overwhelming emotions, he just wanted to somehow fix everything, but he didn't know how to. In other words, he was _scared_ to try and talk to Yanjun.

 

He needed some fresh air to make up his mind and take a step. Aimlessly driving in the streets of the town always brought him more peace, so that's what he decided to do.

 

He drove. Drove from street to street, windows rolled down despite the freezing breeze. Sun was slowly disappearing in the horizon and under the rain clouds. Rain wouldn't really do his gloomy mood any good.

 

"I should probably go home before it gets any worse."

The first raindrops fell down from the sky, small and slow.

From afar, he saw a small coffee takeaway. Coffee seemed like a good idea.

He parked the car in front of the bar right next to the coffee takeaway. The rain was getting heavier, so he rushed to the pavement, trying to order his coffee as fast as possible and go back to his warm car.

Walking back to the car, he stopped in his tracks when he saw a familiar face leaving the bar, only to freeze for a second at seeing the heavy rain.

 

Yanjunclosed his eyes and huffed, tucking his hands in his black coat's pockets.

 

Zhangjing wanted to run away, but he couldn't move and for heaven knows why, Yanjun decided to turn his head 90° and meet eyes with Zhangjing who was standing 10 meters away from him.

 

_What should I do what should I do what-_

Yanjun politely bowed his head.

Zhangjing's heart started racing in an unexpected way as he felt an uneasy and cold feeling there. Yanjun didn't even smile at him. He had never looked at him that way before and that just made him feel hurt.

 

_Well, I'll just do whatever I can I guess._

 

Zhangjing had the chance so he took it. He walked up to Yanjun, standing next to him with a safe and comfortable distance, his coffee in his hand. Yanjun didn't turn to look at him this time, his eyes were fixed on the street and pouring rain.

Zhangjing took a deep breath quietly, and asked: "Are you waiting for someone?"

 

Yanjun didn't even blink.

"Yes. A taxi."

He said flatly.

"Ah..."

 

_This was too difficult._

"I-I have a car right now. Do you want me to give you a ride?"

_That came out so stupidly oh my God._

This time, Yanjun looked at him. Still empty of any emotion.

"No thanks. I'll just wait for a taxi."

 

Zhangjing was two seconds away from giving up, but this was his chance.

"The rain is getting heavier, and it's also getting dark. I don't think a taxi will come anytime soon."

Yanjun didn't answer.

"Plus I think I have accidentally put one of my textbooks between your books when I was studying in the living room. I need that for my classes."

Okay, that was totally _not_ a part of his plan.

Yanjun raised an eyebrow.

"A textbook?"

 

"Y-yeah, I was really tired and I just put it in the pile of books on the table and forgot about it."

Zhangjing laughed nervously. Obviously, Yanjun wouldn't buy such a lame story, but to his disbelief, Yanjun nodded and said: "Okay."

 

Zhangjing was about to jump from the relief he felt from Yanjun accepting his offer. He led the way to his car. He expected Yanjun to seat on the backseats, but again to his surprise, Yanjun chose the passenger seat.

Zhangjing's heart started its stupid race again. A second ago, he could smell fresh coffee and rain, but now the only scent he could identify was Yanjun's bitter cologne and a faint smell of alcohol.

I can do this

Zhangjing tried to calm himself down. It wasn't easy when he couldn't hear anything over his loud heartbeats...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me : Post this  
> me : No delete the last part that Zhangjing sees Yanjun so everyone can suffer more  
> me : Why should I do that  
> me : Why shouldn't you?  
> me : .......Idk I'll think abt it later


	20. Trust

The ride to Yanjun's home was silent. So was their trip to his apartment. Zhangjing awkwardly followed Yanjun inside, keeping his distance.

Yanjun looked at Zhangjing from above his shoulder before heading to his bedroom.

"Check the bookshelves over there. If they aren't there, then you must've lost them somewhere else."

With that, he left.

_What a stupid excuse to enter someone's house just to have some time to talk to them._

He heard the water running, so Yanjun was taking a shower.

Zhangjing pretended to search for his textbook in Yanjun's bookshelves, while in reality, his textbook was safe and sound in his backpack in his own room back in home.

It felt like hours till Yanjun stepped into the living room again.

"So?"

 

Zhangjing turned around, slightly shocked. Yanjun raised an eyebrow.

"Did you find your textbook?"

 

He was wearing a plain white T-shirt and black sweatpants. His dark brown hair was damp. _He looked as handsome as ever_ , Zhangjing thought to himself with a bitter feeling.

"Uh, n-no."

_Why was he stuttering and damn Yanjun's house was obviously warmer than outdoors and his thick coat was burning him alive._

"Then you should just search your house or university. This is where all my books are."

Yanjun said, leaning against the wall. Zhangjing nodded.

Nope. He couldn't do this. He slowly walked towards the door. Simultaneously, Yanjun straightened up and changed his way back to his room.

_Doesn't he care at all?_

It just felt like a cold and heavy grip clutched his heart.

"Yanjun!"

He called out a bit louder than he intended to, turning around and facing Yanjun's back who stopped and turned around at hearing his name.

He looked at Zhangjing curiously, still hostile. Zhangjing could see the slightest change of expression in Yanjun's face.

 

"I'm sorry."

He blurted out.

Yanjun's indifferent expression changed into confusion, again into indifferent.

It was _really_ hurting Zhangjing.

"I'm sorry for what I said. I...I didn't mean it."

 

"Really?"

Yanjun asked, voice cold. Zhangjing's confidence was fading away at an alarming rate.

_It's the last chance I'll find, right?_

Fortunately, the caffeine was kicking in right when his insecurities and fears were taking over.

"I've been on edge for so long before until that night. I'm not justifying what I said, it wasn't right no matter what. I was just too stressed and anxious to think properly at that moment. I had exams, I was nearly kidnapped, the pressure was too much and I...I just said something I shouldn't have."

He couldn't bring himself to look at Yanjun, so he just stared at his feet.

 

"You didn't just insult me and my biggest, most sensitive secret, you threw away every single act of kindness and concern I've ever shown to you."

 

Zhangjing raised his head up quickly. Yanjun's eyes weren't as emotionless as before, and he looked sad. Sad and hurt. _How have his words done such damage to the boy?_

 

Zhangjing started to panic.

"No..no no! I didn't throw anything away! I-I didn't mean it that way...I know it seems like I did but I really didn't. I appreciated them. I appreciated every single time you asked me if I was okay, if I needed something, if there was something wrong...They all meant so much to me."

He felt a vague burning pain behind his eyes.

"I just felt guilty every time. Every time you were honest with me, shared stories of your life with me, every time you tried to cheer me up...I felt guilty. When you told me about your family, I felt the worst. Because you were that true with me and all I did was to make you worry without giving you an actual answer about why I was being like that. You trusted me and all I could give to you was made up answers and lies."

He felt a single tear dropped on his cheek. _He didn't care._

 

"It's just that every time you look at me in the eyes, I feel vulnerable. I feel like all the secrets I've been trying to bury down within me are apparent to you. That's why I asked you to stop looking at me like _that_...to stop caring...because after all you've done, I couldn't even give you a simple answer to why I kept isolating myself from you."

_Second and third tears followed by._

"Zhangjing-"

 

"I want to trust you."

Zhangjing said with a shaky voice, vision blurry.

"I really want to trust you, but it's still difficult. It's still terrifying and I hate it. I want to return your trust but I'm still scared. Yanjun, I don't want to lose you..."

His voice broke and he let the tears silently stream down his face. He didn't mind. He didn't mind voicing out all the thoughts that have been hunting him since that night.

 

Yanjun didn't say anything, but Zhangjing was suddenly pulled into a warm embrace. He shot his eyes open, shocked. Yanjun held onto him gently. Zhangjing rested his head on the younger's shoulder, crying even more, still not letting any sob escape him.

"It' okay...It's okay..."

Yanjun whispered, patiently patting Zhangjing's shoulders.

"I shouldn't have expected you to trust me. I didn't think about your reasons and situation the way I should have done. I was also wrong for guilt tripping you into trusting me."

"N-no I should've at least told you why I-"

"Shhhh you don't have to talk about it right now okay? Just relax a bit, breathe a bit more, will you?"

Zhangjing nodded weakly.

 

"I won't say that I'm not a bit upset about what happened, but I'm not mad at you anymore. And you won't lose me. You are my friend, how can I leave you just because of one fight?"

Yanjun said softly. He smiled as Zhangjing immediately held onto him tighter and buried his face in his shoulder.

 

He wanted to stay like that for much longer, but he still felt the suffocating pressure. He gently distanced himself from Yanjun, the latter looking into his eyes. Zhangjing said: "But I want to talk about it..."

Yanjun didn't say anything. There was a determination in Zhangjing's eyes, so he nodded.

 

They both sat on the couch. Zhangjing was searching for different ways to start it. He didn't know how to. And every time he opened his mouth, an invisible force would shut it. Yanjun patiently waited, watching Zhangjing struggling with his words.

Zhangjing watched in surprise as Yanjun got up and went to his room.

 _Well you messed up_...

He thought to himself. However, Yanjun soon came back with a small notepad and a pen. He sat back down next to Zhangjing and gave him the notepad and pen. He opened it. On the first page, "Facts about Lin Yanjun and You Zhangjing" was written in big bold letters. He raised an eyebrow at Yanjun.

"Well I wanted to do a good job at pretending to be your date, so I prepared this in order to have easy and quick access to necessary information..."

Yanjun rubbed his neck, embarrassed. Zhangjing smiled and flipped through the pages.

Every fact had its own page, the number of it written at the top of the page. Facts about Yanjun were written with a turquoise pen, while facts about Zhangjing were written in purple.

 

"Write it there if it's too difficult to say it out loud. Imagine as if we're texting. Oh, and this is a totally private notepad and is kept in a box with a small lock, so don't worry about anyone reading it. You can rip this page off too if you-"

Zhangjing nodded, a sign to stop Yanjun from talking in the speed of light. He didn't mind, since Yanjun's broken relationship with his parents was also written there, under number 12.

 

He wrote "14" at the top of a blank page. His hands hovered over the paper for a second or two, and then as his heart sank a bit, he wrote.

 

_**I was kidnapped 7 years ago.** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi please don't hate me for updating so late okay thank you bye


	21. Winter and Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: A little bit of physical abuse, really slight dark theme, kidnapping.  
> overall it's not anything too triggering (in my opinion) but I just added that Trigger Warning to be safe. enjoy!

The moon was shining and stars were adorning the black canvas of night sky.

It was a cold winter night, the house was warm, but Zhangjing felt so cold. Under the dim light of string lights, Yanjun looked at him in sheer shock.

7 years...17... _he was 17..._

"K-kidnapped?"

He stuttered, unable to comprehend.

Zhangjing nodded and forced a smile.

"It's a long story."

 

Yanjun paused, then said: "I can listen to it all night...if you want to share it..."

Zhangjing looked into his eyes without saying a word.

He _wanted_ _to_.

_______________

_"It's such a disgrace that my cause of death will probably be algebra."_

_He laid his head on the desk and soon was patted by a hand._

_"Stop nagging. I mean, I'll probably die because of the amount of stress I have before any biology exam, but you don't see me crying about it every two days."_

_Zhangjing raised his head, frowning at his friend._

_"Yeah, you cry about it every four days, not two. Wow. Amazing. You're so great. The mighty Zhang Wei. Applause!"_

_Zhang Wei threw a pillow at him._

_"When will you stop this sarcasm cause if it's not soon, I'm either gonna choke you or choke myself."_

_"You're into that stuff?"_

_"You Zhangjing shut up!"_

_Zhangjing started laughing out loud as Zhang Wei tried to hit him with his pillow, laughing as well._

_It didn't matter how difficult it was to get through the year of his university entrance exam, having a friend like Zhang Wei made everything feel a bit better. It didn't even matter that he couldn't follow his own dreams anymore. Zhang Wei couldn't too, and they both just kept thriving for the future job their parents wanted them to have._

_**************_

_"I can't believe. I literally can't believe we finished one semester. Is this a dream? Is this real??"_

_Zhangjing laughed. Three weeks of exams were over and finally, finally they had some time to rest._

_"You wanna go home right now?"_

_Zhang Wei asked, grinning widely as he threw his arm around Zhangjing's shoulders._

_Zhangjing shook his head and smiled back._

_"There's this new arcade near the library, I've been dying to visit it. We can go together if you want."_

_"Sure. Let's go."_

_They walked for about ten minutes, but Zhang Wei seemed confused._

_"I'm sure it was somewhere here..."_

_He said as he scratched his head. They were standing in an alley, narrow and surrounded by poor or abandoned apartments._

_"Uhhh, are you sure this is the right direction?"_

_Zhangjing asked, hugging himself to fight the cold of winter._

_"Yeah...I think the alley leads to another street."_

_"It's getting dark. How about we ask someone?"_

_Zhangjing suggested._

_"Yes! Will you go or should I do it myself?"_

_Zhangjing shrugged._

_"Lazy."_

_Zhang Wei rolled his eyes._

_"I'll be back soon. Wait here."_

_He said, smiling as he walked away._

_Zhangjing shivered. It was so freezing. however, the excitement from knowing he'll be having fun and playing games with Zhang Wei soon was enough to keep him warm inside._

_He heard footsteps from behind him. He smiled, turning around._

_"Did you ask-"_

_A sharp pain in his skull and his vision went black as he hit the cold hard ground._

_******************_

_He woke up, coughing. The smell of burnt wood and fuel quickly spread in his nose. He couldn't see anything, he was blindfolded. He tried to move his hands, but they were tied to the chair he was sitting on. He helplessly tried to move his legs, but that was no use. His head was aching, and the rope around his wrists was too tight. The air around him was so stuffy and he couldn't even see his surroundings._

_It was evident. He waskidnapped. He opened his mouth to call for someone, but his voice was muffled behind the fabric which was tightly covering his mouth._

_It felt like years till someone walked in. He didn't know whether he should be glad or terrified. As long as they took off the blindfold, he was okay with it._

_"Well well well. Look who's here."_

_His blood ran cold as the footsteps slowed down._

_"You Zhangjing. The only son of You group, the only heir of YouChems CN."_

_A hand grabbed his shoulder, clasping it with a great force. Zhangjing flinched, frowning in pain. The man walked away slowly._

_"That jerk of a CEO wouldn't think he'd ever see his son like this, huh?"_

_Click. A picture was taken. Zhangjing winced, helplessly trying to hide himself._

_"Should've thought about it when he rejected every single offer and ruined every bit of our efforts."_

_The man mumbled under his breath._

_Zhangjing tried to ask where he was, but his voice wasn't coherent._

_The man walked towards him again, this time, he harshly took off the blindfold. It took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust to the light._

_He was in a huge storeroom, probably belonging to an abandoned factory._

_A small fire was set up in front of his chair in a safe distant. Empty boxes, oil barrels and mechanical engines were scattered here and there._

_The man who was talking to him stood in front of him. He had a mask on, and Zhangjing could only see his eyes._

_"Are you scared?"_

_He asked. Zhangjing could nearly hear the grin in his voice._

_"Your picture was sent to your dad. It's only a matter of time until someone saves you or..."_

_He pulled out a lighter from his pocket._

_Zhangjing's eyes grew wide. The man laughed, putting the lighter back in his pocket._

_"He hasn't seen our message yet."_

_A new voice said, entering the storeroom._

_The first man chuckled._

_"Seems like we'll be here for a while. Enjoy your stay for now. Let's see when they'll come to save you."_

_He ruffled Zhangjing's hair. It was disgusting, terrifying. He didn't know what would happen to him the next second, minute or hour. He was scared. So scared. His breaths became troublesome due to the excessive amount of stress and also the smoke from that small fire. The kidnappers sat on a plastic box, one working with his phone, the other one staring at Zhangjing, playing with the lighter in his hand._

_Please let me survive...please..._

_Every second dragged on an hour. His eyes were starting to close when one of the kidnapper's phone rang._

_"I think it's him!"_

_He stated, hurriedly taking his phone out of his pocket. Zhangjjing snapped his head up. The kidnapper answered the call, putting it on speaker._

_"Mr.You! What a pleasure! You finally decided to contact us!"_

_The other man said, smirking._

_"Where is my son?"_

_Came Zhangjing's father's voice. Immediately, tears started running down his eyes. He tried to call him, but his voice was nothing other than a muffled noise behind the piece of fabric._

_The man put a finger on his lips, shushing him._

_"He's here with us. Healthy and alright. Well, for now."_

_Zhangjing shivered.They wouldn't really hurt him, right?_

_"What do you want?"_

_His father asked, voice calm._

_"Now we're talking!"_

_The man said, smiling as he got up._

_"We want our money back."_

_"You sold your stocks willingly, knowing well about fall of the price."_

_"But we didn't know it was this little strategy of yours to save your stocks from a company that is going bankrupt."_

_"Whatever you thought, you are the one who sold them. We did not force you."_

_The man clenched his jaw, quickly walking towards Zhangjing. Zhangjing watched him with fear. The man harshly pulled the cloth covering Zhangjing's mouth, forcing his neck to bend in a painful position. He whimpered._

_"You don't want your son to be hurt, do you?"_

_The man grabbed Zhangjing's hair, pulling his head back, earning a louder cry._

_"Dad! Dad, please save me!!"_

_He cried, the pain in his skull and neck getting worse every second._

_There was a pause, the man let go of Zhangjing's hair, stepping away from the chair._

_"So? What're you gonna do, chairman?"_

_He asked smugly, feeling Mr.You's hesitation._

_"What will you do?"_

_This time, it wasn't only Zhangjing who was shocked._

_"What will you do if I say no? You'll hurt him? You'll hurt him even though I know who you are and what company you work for?"_

_Silence. Zhangjing felt dread filling him up. What was his father doing...?_

_He saw the hesitation, but as fast as it appeared, it went away. The man talking to his father frowned and made a gesture._

_The other kidnapper lazily got up, carrying a gasoline barrel._

_Zhanghing's eyes went wide._

_No...no no no no no!_

_"We'll see, Mr.You."_

_The man poured the gasoline in a circle, around Zhangjing's chair._

_"No...no please don't-"_

_Zhangjing chocked on his words. The smell pierced through his head._

_"Sorry, your dad doesn't seem to care."_

_He took out his lighter from his pocket, reaching down to the floor._

_"Dad! Dad please!!!"_

_Zhangjing cried out, feeling his heart so close to exploding in his rib cage._

_"You're braver than I thought, chairman."_

_The man smirked._

_"set him on fire."_

_A sudden wave of heat surrounded Zhangjing. He screamed. The fire wasn't on his clothes yet, but it was so close...too close._

_He screamed at the top of his lungs, asking for help one last time. From his father, or from any power that could save him. He was hopeless. He couldn't hear anything anymore. He could almost feel the fire on his skin, in his body, in his head..._

_Smoke filled up his lungs as the fire started to fade away from his vision, being replaced by absolute darkness._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm terrible at coming up with chapter titles help


	22. Trust and Distrust

_He woke up to the pale light of a hospital room. His throat was sore, and his chest was stinging. He heard someone talking beside him, but he couldn't quite understand what was being said. He saw a woman, his mother. He saw a nurse hurriedly entering the room. They were doing something. They were checking his pulse, fiddling with the serum IV hanging above his bed. His vision went blurry. He was so, so tired..._

______________

_He woke up again in the middle of the night, this time more attentive. The lights were dimmed, but he could see his mother sitting on the sofa next to his bed. She caught his eyes, and she got up quickly._

_"Zhangjing! Zhangjing you're awake!"_

_She said, voice shivering. She rushed to his side, crouching down and holding his hand with care._

_Zhangjing nodded. He opened his mouth, and with his first attempt to speak, he grimaced at the pain in his throat, and how crooked and unclear his voice was._

_His mom shook her head._

_"Don't try to speak for now. You haven't lost your voice but your throat is hurt due to the heavy fire smoke. It'll be back to normal soon if you don't put pressure on your vocal cords for now."_

_Zhangjing nodded, feeling pain behind his eyes. Sure, he hadn't lost his voice, but he felt so, so weak without his ability to speak._

_"Where's dad?"_

_He lip-synced. His mother understood easily, smiling a bit._

_"He went out for a walk. He's been here for so long, So I asked him to go out and get some fresh air."_

_Zhangjng started to panic, eyes going wide._

_"No, no you haven't been unconscious for too long. It's been less than 30 hours."_

_His mom said hurriedly. He calmed down. So it wasn't that bad, right? He took a deep breath, and his chest hurt a bit, but he tried to ignore it. He closed his eyes, the little energy in him being used by the small conversation. Once again, he drowned in the void of time and place._

____________

_He woke up around noon, hearing his parents and a new voice. He opened his eyes, seeing an unfamiliar middle-aged man._

_"We've made sure no one figures out, and-"_

 

_He stopped talking when he saw Zhangjing._

_"Good morning young man!"_

_The doctor exclaimed with a bright smile._

_Zhangjing opened his mouth, and this time he could actually form a word, however, his voice was the worst and the ugliest he's ever heard in his entire 17 years of life._

_"Hi."_

_That made the man burst into laughter. Zhangjing frowned._

_"Wow, you have such a polite son."_

_His mom smiled. Her eyes were red and puffy. His dad had dark circles under his eyes. He started to even feel a bit bad for his father._

_However, seeing him standing there stirred up something inside Zhangjing. Anger, disbelief, pain... He just wanted to know why he let this happen to him, his own son. Why he had to let things get this far? To the point it was hard for Zhangjing to speak and his chest hurt with every inhale._

_"His nurse will check up on him in 3 hours. His vital signs are stable and his consciousness will be back to normal once the sedative drugs wear off."_

_Doctor exclaimed, walking towards the door._

_"Thank you so much."_

_His mother said. Once the doctor was gone, his parents rushed to his side._

_"Are you feeling better, sweetie?"_

_His mother asked. He nodded, turning his head to his father._

_"Why?"_

_He asked. No explanation, he couldn't bring himself to say it._

 

_Why did you let go of me?_

 

_His father looked sorry and upset but tried to keep a straight face._

_"They wouldn't ever hurt you."_

 

_With that, Zhangjing's controlled anger flooded all of a sudden._

_"What do you mean?? They nearly burned me alive!!"_

_He shouted, which turned into painful, repeated coughs. His mother hurried to get him a glass of water from the table in the center of the room._

_"Zhangjing, calm down! You're going to hurt yourself."_

_His father said._

_"How? How could you trust them? How could you trust your son's life with some kidnappers?"_

_He chocked on his words, tears falling down one after another._

_His father avoided eye contact, looking at the ground. His mother handed Zhangjing a glass of water, on the verge of tears._

 

_"I'm sorry for the stress and harm my decision caused to you. The ones who put out the fire were them, not me or the police or anyone else. They wouldn't dare seriously hurt you. Everything is okay now, and you are safe."_

_Zhangjing stared, unable to say anything. Everything is okay now..._

_Did his father really think everything was okay now?_

_He didn't want to think about it at all. He drank the water his mom handed him and lay on the bed. He turned his back to both of them and closed his eyes._

____________

_He was discharged after two days since he gained consciousness. During his stay at the hospital, the only visitors he had were his parents and Zhi Ruo who dropped by after school every day to keep him company._

_"Why didn't anyone come to see me?"_

_He asked as they entered the house._

_His parents exchanged looks before his mother answered: "we decided not to tell anyone. We didn't want to worry them."_

_Zhangjing frowned._

_"So, don't tell anyone about this either."_

_His father said. And it all made sense now._

_"Why? Does it stain the reputation of our family or something? Will the company's stock prices fall?"_

_He scoffed. It made sense. Why his father drove them to home instead of driver Li, why no nurse was allowed in his room other than a specific one, and why no one, not even Zhengting visited him while he was in the hospital._

 

_His parents hesitated, and that was enough answer._

_"Don't bother making excuses. Company and family. I get it. It's fine. I'm not dead yet, right? So it's fine." He snapped._

_His mom went pale._

_"Zhangjing-"_

 

_"Just because you went through an unfortunate event doesn't mean you can talk to us in this tone of voice."_

_His father said, frowning._

_Zhangjing glared. His father didn't even try to say that he was wrong and they weren't hiding this for the sake of their company and reputation. Zhangjing let out a short, hysterical laugh before storming to his room._

_The pain of that fire was gone from his chest but this new pain of knowing his safety wasn't a priority to his family anymore was piercing his heart..._

____________

_Zhangjing started school after a week. He tried so hard to overcome his anxiety and rising depression all alone. His mother stayed by his side most of the times, baking him his favorite cakes, buying him his favorite movies and doing anything she could to make him feel better._

_However, at the end of the day, it was only him. Him and a thousand thoughts. The upcoming national exam, fear of being alone outside and so much more. It was suffocating and at times, he felt like he was drowning in a pool of his own dark thoughts._

_It was getting better though. He was going back to school. He would talk to his friends, he would see Zhang Wei. He should've been so worried when Zhangjing suddenly disappeared that night._

_School would distract him a bit, and that was all he needed._

____________

_Zhang Wei didn't come to school that day. He didn't come the other days either. A week went by, and he was nowhere to be seen._

_Zhangjing classmates asked him where he has been, how worried they were and so on. But Zhang Wei was still absent._

_He started to get worried, so he decided it'd be best to ask the principal._

 

_"Zhang Wei? He left this school after the exams were over. Didn't he tell you about it?"_

 

_Zhangjing gaped._

_"He...left?"_

_"Yes. He said they were moving to another country."_

_The principal nodded._

_"I didn't know he hasn't informed you. He talked to us about this a month prior to the exams."_

_____________

_The news didn't surprise his parents. They just looked at Zhangjing with pity. Zhangjing asked them about it._

_"We knew he'd do that. He couldn't really stay after what happened to you..."_

_His father said, voice sad._

_"What do you mean?"_

_Zhangjing asked, confused._

_His mother sighed, looking at him as if she was apologizing._

_"Zhang Wei...he led you to that alley and then left with a purpose on mind..."_

 

_It took a few seconds, maybe minutes for Zhangjing to understand what that meant._

_"No.."_

_He said, mostly to himself._

_"No...no no no no no!"_

_He nearly screamed, pulling his hair as his voice went up._

_"He is my friend. What do you mean that he...No this is not right! this is a lie!"_

_He shouted the last part. His parents just looked at him with sad eyes, his father shaking his head slightly._

_"It was all planned. He was the son of the man who planned this to get his stocks back. He got close to you with a goal, and after achieving that goal, he left."_

 

_He couldn't take any of this anymore. He ran to his room, leaving his parents behind in the leaving room. He shut the door behind him, sitting on his bed._

_His friend...his close friend whom he trusted so much...he was the reason for his sufferings. He was the reason he went through all that pain._

 

_I trusted him..._

 

_He fell asleep after crying his eyes out, hoping his feelings would leave him with those tears. But they didn't. His heart still hurt and he still felt as if the space around him was eventually becoming smaller and smaller. He fell asleep after long hours of thinking, long hours of trying so hard to keep himself from falling apart all at once. The only words he could think of before falling asleep were: I trusted him..._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this is the end of Zhangjing's flashback.  
> btw all the flashbacks from this chapter and the previous one are in italic.  
> Oh, and I'm on twitter @Chogimonster , you can talk to me there if you like😊


	23. Rain and Comfort

Zhangjing let out a shaky breath. Talking about his past trauma, explaining it in details for the first time in 7 years, it was too exhausting. He wasn't able to look Yanjun in the eyes while narrating his story, so he just stared at his hands the whole time. When he finished talking, after a silence that lasted an eternity, he saw an unsure hand offering him a tissue box. He looked up and saw Yanjun looking back at him. The look in his eyes wasn't one Zhangjing could read.

Just now he realized his face was soaked in his own tears. He pulled out a few tissues and started wiping his face.

"Why do I always end up crying in front of you..."

He said, a bitter laugh in his voice. Yanjun didn't respond. He was still looking at him, and Zhangjing could spot traces of worry and even guilt in his face.

"Did...did you receive therapy after the incident?"

He asked, voice quiet. Zhangjing forced a smile and stared at his hands, holding wet tissues.

"You witnessed my trust issues...so I guess you know the answer..."

Yanjun gasped.

"But why..?"

He asked, astounded. Zhangjing shrugged.

"My parents didn't want rumors to spread. They didn't want anyone to know what has happened to me, or the company. They didn't want me to become a weak point for the family, and the business."

 

Yanjun gaped at this.

"Oh dear lord."

He huffed, covering his face with his hands, removing them quickly so he could look at Zhangjing again.

 

"But they were okay with taking you to therapy for liking men??? Is being gay a bigger deal than experiencing a goddamn trauma?? And a trauma like that??"

 

Zhangjing smiled weakly.

"People can change some of their perspectives over 7 years, you know."

 

Yanjun huffed again, leaning backward on the couch. He opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw the look on Zhangjing's face, he changed his mind. He looked at Zhangjing's hands, fiddling with the tissues, shaking slightly. He wanted to holdthem, to reassure Zhangjing that this was all in the past and now he's safe, but he couldn't bring himself to do so. This was not the time. He opened his mouth and closed it again several times, before finally saying: "Thank you...For letting me know this."

Zhangjing nodded, not making eye contact. Yanjun sighed quietly and looked at the clock, showing 9:00.

"What do you want to have for dinner?"

Yanjun asked, rather casually while slowly getting up from the couch. Zhangjing turned his head and looked at the clock.

"Oh my God did I talk for that long??"

"I'm surprised too. It didn't feel like that long."

"I-I think I should leave now."

Zhangjing said, wiping away his tears while getting up.

Yanjun scooted closer and blocked him.

"Nope. It's still raining and it's already getting late. You can't drive in this weather."

He said, tone serious.

 

"But-"

 

"No. It's really okay for you to stay here. I can't let you drive during this heavy rain."

 

Zhangjing was about to protest when they heard a big boom and a flashing white light filled the room for a millisecond.

 

"See? There's also lightening. Do you want to get electrocuted too?"

Yanjun asked in a serious tone.

Zhangjing sighed.

"But I have no clothes to stay for the night..."

There was a small pause before Yanjun saying sheepishly: "uh, I haven't used the clothes that I gave you last time till now. Y-you can wear them if you want."

He quickly looked away. Was he blushing? Zhangjing found himself smiling at the sight of a flustered Yanjun in front of him.

"Okay then. Oh, and you have hot pot?"

Yanjun recovered from his embarrassment and cheerfully nodded.

"Yes. Should I warm it up?"

Zhangjing's smile widened.

"That'd be nice."

__________

He never thought he'd feel this calm after talking about his worst experience. Yanjun didn't bring up the matter that night, and Zhangjing was thankful. He actually treated him the same way he always did. It was exactly what Zhangjing didn't expect but wanted to happen.

Yanjun had to finish editing an article, so he excused himself for about an hour, going in his room, leaving Zhangjing alone for the time being. It was okay for the first few minutes. Zhangjing texted his mother, informing her that he was staying at a friend's, he also checked his social media accounts briefly. But soon after he exited Instagram and put his phone aside, it happened.

 

He slowly started to feel the rising anxiety. The clock's sound was starting to become too loud and it was annoying him. He felt the room's temperature has gone up suddenly, and a feeling of restlessness surrounded him.

He quickly got up, walking to the window. He left it ajar, absorbing the fresh yet cold air. Raindrops were falling quickly, some of them hitting his face on their journey to the ground. He closed his eyes, smelling the rain and wet soil. It calmed him down somehow.

That was the problem he didn't see coming. Maybe he did, he just didn't take it seriously. Being okay after talking about his trauma was too good to be true. The effect was only because of Yanjun. Once he was gone for a while and Zhangjing was left alone, everything started to suffocate him.

 

"You'll catch a cold but honestly this fresh air is worth it."

He heard Yanjun's voice. Turning around, he was faced with him, smiling brightly while walking to him. His smile faltered and he stopped in his tracks.

"Why are you so pale?"

He asked, worried.

 

"Am I?"

Zhangjing asked, faking a smile. Yanjun still looked concerned, however, he decided not to ask more.

"It's already a quarter past eleven. Do you want to change your clothes?"

He asked. Zhangjing nodded.

 

After changing, he sat on the couch with a blanket and a pillow. Yanjun tried to convince him to sleep on the bed and let Yanjun take the couch, but it didn't really work. The TV was on, but Zhangjing couldn't concentrate on whatever it was showing. He'd be left alone once again when Yanjun slept in his room.

He groaned inwardly. He knew his darkest thoughts would come to haunt him before sleep. Maybe that was fear, what made him grab Yanjun's sleeve as he was leaving the living room, saying goodnight to the older.

"Uhhhh..."

Zhangjing started, not knowing how to say it.

"I-I'm not that sleepy. Do you mind ummm, watching TV for a while?"

He asked, adding the stupidest fake laugh to the end of it. Yanjun blinked. Once, twice. He smiled and nodded. Before settling down next to Zhangjing, he turned on the string lights that were hung on the wall behind the couch before turning off other lights in the house.

He sat next to Zhangjing and grabbed the remote control. He turned off the TV, leaning comfortably against the couch while surrounding himself with cushions.

"Huh? Why did you-"

 

"Looking at TV or cellphone's LED leads to a low quality sleep. Not recommended."

Yanjun shrugged.

"Hey I'm bored so what am I going-"

"Shhhhhh."

Yanjun interrupted him, eyes closed.

"Do you hear it?"

He asked, smiling. Zhangjing closed his mouth, looking at Yanjun with confusion.

"The rain."

He said, not opening his eyes. Yes, he could hear it. The soft sound of small raindrops hitting the window, the quiet sound of the wind, blowing between the last standing leaves on the trees.

Yanjun opened his eyes. He looked at Zhangjing who was now listening carefully to the rain.

"Whenever you think you can't handle it anymore, just remember this. Remember the raindrops, the smell of soil mixed with water that just reached the ground from the clouds. Don't think about anything else. Just let your mind rest a little bit."

 

His words flooded Zhangjing's mind, calming every nerve one by one. It was magical. How the weight on his chest slowly faded again. However, the nagging guilt inside his head was becoming more and more vivid.

 

"I pushed you away so harshly, yet you are doing all of this for me.."

He said, this time not looking away from his eyes.

"We're humans. We make mistakes sometimes, and it's okay. It's totally fine. We should 't be blamed forever for a single mistake."

 

Zhangjing couldn't find his words. He didn't know how to respond to that. Somehow, Yanjun knew exactly what to say to make him feel better. To make the guilt disappear. He knew how to make everything alright for him.

Yanjun hesitantly moved his arm, and gently placed it around Zhangjing's shoulder. Zhangjing relaxed in the embrace, and without thinking about it too much, he leaned his head on Yanjun's shoulder. Yanjun held him a bit closer, showing he didn't mind the weight on his shoulder.

 

Once again, tears filled his eyes. He laughed half-heartedly, trying to hide his face from Yanjun.

"You said you liked my smile because you found it beautiful and how I should smile more often, yet I always end up in tears in front of you."

 

"I like it too."

Yanjun said, resting his head on the other's.

"I like your smiles. I like your tears. They tell me you're not bottling everything up. I like both of them."

 

He could hear the rain. He could hear the gentle wind. He could hear his heartbeat. Fast but not unpleasant. Maybe he was mistaken, maybe not. Before dozing off, with a racing heart and the pouring rain outside, he almost heard Yanjun say: "you are beautiful no matter what..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can y'all even believe I updated in less than a week? lol me neither


	24. Christmas

"Just tell me what you want for Christmas. I can't think of anything."

Zhangjing nagged, laying his head on his desk, looking at his books with distaste.

"It is supposed to be surprising and I'm not supposed to know what my gift is!"

Zhengting frowned, lightly hitting Zhangjing's head with a pen.

"My brain hasn't been functioning for days. Have mercy."

 

Zhengting thought for a second.

"Ah ha!"

He clapped his hands.

"Get me an iPhone Xs max."

Zhangjing looked at his friend and frowned.

"You know what? You don't deserve a gift."

He groaned.

"Then why do you ask me in the first place??"

 

Zhangjing didn't respond. He suddenly jerked his head up, surprising Zhengting.

"What should I get for Yanjun?"

 

Zhengting crossed his arms in disapproval.

"Did you just neglect me because you decided to worry about Yanjun's Christmas present??"

"I should buy him something, right? It'd be rude if I don't. But what if it's awkward? What should I do then?"

 

Zhengting rolled his eyes and said: "you've already fallen asleep in his arms, what could possibly make things awkward between you two after that?"

With that, Zhangjing turned an interesting shade of red and started stuttering.

 

"Oh, I don't want any of your rambling. Yeah, he's just a nice friend and blah blah blah. Okay, I get it. Honestly, I'm not even trying to make a point so stop explaining yourself every time I mention Yanjun."

Zhengting rolled his eyes once again. That seemed to calm Zhangjing down.

"By the way, is Ziyi holding a party again this year?"

Zhengting asked, fiddling with a pencil on Zhangjing's desk.

 

"I think Wangs are out of the town this Christmas. So most likely no."

Zhangjing answered.

"Ah, such a bummer."

"I don't really care. I wouldn't be going even if they were holding a party this year."

Zhangjing shrugged.

 

"You don't know how to have fun. I pity you."

"I also pity myself because I was supposed to finish this page by now, yet you keep talking nonstop and I keep on listening."

Zhangjing said, looking at his book once again.

Zhengting sighed.

"Finish it quickly. I need your irrelevant opinions for buying Christmas gifts tonight."

__________

"We were thinking about inviting Yanjun over for Christmas Eve."

Zhangjing chocked on his rice, coughing violently. His mother poured him a glass of water.

"What??"

He asked, finally able to catch some breath.

"He did us a great favor that night. I think it'd be appropriate if we invite him over. We didn't meet him properly last time."

His father said.

"Yes, that'd be so great!"

Zhi Ruo exclaimed excitedly. Zhangjing sent her a look.

 

"Also, you've been dating for 4 months now-"

"3 months."

"Yes, whatever it is. It's not a short time. We have the right to meet him, right?"

His mother asked, smiling. Zhangjing couldn't believe they were the same people who took him to a therapist for liking men, which wasn't even true, but still. ..

 

"'Mom, everyone spends Christmas Eve with their family. Maybe he wants to do so."

Zhangjing said, desperate to cancel the whole thing.

"Oh come on! He can miss one day, right?

"Mom, our relationship isn't that serious yet."

"What did your father say about Yanjun's favor?"

 

Zhangjing sighed. He tried one last time.

"He'd feel awkward. So, so awkward."

"Yanjun is such a warm guy, he will literally be the opposite of awkward around us."

Zhi Ruo said, smiling. Zhangjing gaped at her, and his mother clapped her hands.

"Great! So call him and invite him over."

"But mom-"

"Call him."

"Fine!"

Zhangjing sighed.

"I'll do that after dinner."

____________

Of course, he didn't have the heart to call Yanjun and invite him over, so he decided to do it with a simple text. Well, it wasn't that simple.

 

 

 **Zhangjing** :

Hey

Hey, are you there?

Hey Yanjun

 

 **Yanjun** :

Hi

What's up?

 

 **Zhangjing** :

Uhhhh

So I was wondering

What are you doing for Christmas Eve?

 

 **Yanjun** :

Probably going to my aunt's house

(Justin's mom)

Why?

 

 **Zhangjing** :

Okay so

Umm

My mom wanted me to invite you to our house for Christmas Eve

 

 **Yanjun** :

...

Really?

 

Zhangjing:

Feel free to say no if you want to

Honestly

 

 **Yanjun** :

Won't your mother be offended?

 

 **Zhangjing** :

I'll take care of that

It's totally fine if you don't want to accept the invitation

Absolutely fine

 

 **Yanjun** :

You don't want me to come that bad lol

 

 **Zhangjing** :

What

No

I'd love it if you came

No wait

That came out wrong

 

 **Yanjun** :

Aha

So should I come or not?

 

 **Zhangjing** :

...

It wouldn't be that boring

But I'm not forcing you or anything

 

 **Yanjun** :

Send me the location and time then

__________

It wasn't like Zhangjing was nervous because Yanjun was going to visit their house, not at all. He was nervous for...other reasons. Reasons he didn't know either but he also didn't want to believe he was nervous because of Yanjun.

He spent a good amount of time on styling his dark brown hair. He decided to go with the usual style. The only difference he made was to ruffle it a little bit to let the slight curls be shown more. He put on his new dark blue Christmas sweater. It might've been too much, he thought to himself, but he added the slightest tint of rosy lipstick. It wasn't obvious, but it did make his pale face look a bit more alive and fresh.

After wearing his fancy wristwatch and carefully spraying himself with a little amount of cologne, he walked out of the room. He saw his sister, who had just left her room.

She stopped in her tracks, looking at Zhangjing up and down.

"Oooh, I see you've dolled up!"

She said, a mischievous grin on her face. Zhangjing rolled his eyes.

 

"I always pay attention to my appearance."

"Hmmm okay. But do you always wear lipstick?"

 

Zhangjing froze.

"Is it too obvious??"

He asked, clearly stressed. Zhi Ruo laughed.

"It's not, don't worry. Yanjun would probably notice though."

She winked and walked past him. Zhangjing wanted to run back to his room and wipe off the lipstick, but before he could even decide what to do, the doorbell rang.

He sprinted to the living room, where his mother was approaching the door. His father and sister arrived as well.

_This is embarrassing._

Or maybe he was just so worried about Yanjun being uncomfortable around his parents and oh god this fake relationship was not supposed to go this far and-

All thoughts vanished away and his mind became a blank piece of paper when Yanjun's figure became visible as the door was open.

 

Yes, he was always aware of the fact that Yanjun was good-looking. The only time it surprised him was during the Halloween party, which was pretty much normal. Yanjun'es vampire make-over was indeed surprising. But this...this was something else.

He looked ethereal and Zhangjing wholeheartedly admitted it to himself. His fair skin was glowing under the golden lights of the entrance door, he had obviously put on a slight amount of highlighter on his cheekbones.

His comma hair was new, and it suited him so, so much.

It was like Yanjun had prepared for a complete party before leaving his house. He was wearing eyeliner, not noticeable but enough to make his eyes ten times more beautiful. And oh, was that lipstick on his lips?

 

Zhangjing didn't know how long he had been staring, but long enough for Yanjun to greet his family and now coming to greet him. Zhangjing gathered a little bit of concentration and returned his greetings.

They all moved to the living room, where their eye-blinding Christmas tree was. Zhangjing watched Yanjun from the corner of his eyes. He was gaping slightly while looking at the tree.

"This is amazing!"

He said, astounded.

 

"I decorated most of it, Zhangjing and Zhi Ruo helped a little bit as well."

Mrs. You said, smiling at Yanjun.

"Mom is exaggerating about Zhangjing helping with it. He was too busy sulking about us not using his favorite decorations that he didn't really bother to help."

Zhi Ruo said, a mischievous grin on her face. Yanjun burst out laughing, but still tried to quiet it down.

Zhangjing looked at Zhi Ruo and the rest of his family. All of them were laughing. He couldn't believe their way of breaking the ice was roasting him, the son of this household, in front of Yanjun.

 

Things went pretty smoothly after that. With Zhu family joining them, the night started to become fun and warm.

Zhengting carried most of the conversations with Yanjun, making sure Zhangjing was also participating.

"-so the girl is given two options: Cure the curse in her family but everything goes back to the time before she and the male character fell in love and they'll both forget everything, or let things be the way they are, but her family and their next generations have to suffer from the same curse for the rest of their lives."

Zhengting said enthusiastically. Yanjun's mouth formed an O, portraying how immersed he was.

"Why doesn't she just pick the second option? They have lived with this curse for so long, they can do it for the rest of their lives as well. Plus the curse is actually a really good way to find out whether your partner is truly in love with you or not."

Zhangjing stated, hugging a cushion.

 

"But what about her sister? What about her feelings? It's not like all men are that understandable like her's. She should consider her sister's feelings as well."

 

"Zhangjing made a good point. If he can't love you because you have a small curse that has zero bad effects on you and your personality, then he's trash. Throw him away."

Yanjun said.

 

"And it's her life, not her sister's. She should be happy."

Zhangjing said to Zhengting, frowning. Yanjun nodded.

Zhengting looked at them back and forth and groaned.

"Are you two teaming up against me? This is unfair."

He whined.

Zhangjing rolled his eyes. Yajun laughed at them, and everything was so great.

___________

Dinner was delicious, so were the chocolates that Yanjun brought to their house as a gift. They ate them with fresh and warm tea, sitting in the living room and chatting happily.

It was like everyone loved Yanjun. Zhengting parents, knowing Yanjun as Zhengting's and Zhangjing's new friend and not Zhangjing's fake boyfriend, really liked talking to him. They told him they were glad that their son has met such a good person through his best friend, who is also an amazing person.

 

Around 10 PM, Yanjun wore his coat and got ready to leave. Zhangjing sprinted to his room, then back to the entrance door.

"-drop by whenever you want sweetie. Having you around is really great."

Mrs. You said warmly, smiling at Yanjun.

Yanjun smiled politely and bowed.

"It's an honor, thank you."

 

"I'm relieved that Zhangjing did not make a mistake in choosing his partner."

Mr. You stated. Zhangjing felt his face burning up, and he swore he saw Yanjun blush. When Yanjun looked up, his eyes met Zhangjing's.

Zhangjing gathered himself and quickly walked to Yanjun, standing next to him.

"I will accompany him outside."

Zhangjing said, opening the door. Yanjun said goodbye to Zhangjing's parents once again, and they both went out.

The cold breeze hit Zhangjing's face and it felt so soothing against his burning skin.

Right when they were two steps away from the house, Zhangjing said: "was it okay? Were you uncomfortable? Did my parents make you feel awkward? Oh my god look, if anything was wrong, just tell me okay?"

Yanjun's surprised face soon broke out into laughter.

"It was great, don't worry. It wasn't awkward at all."

He said. Zhangjing looked at him with suspicion but nodded.

They walked in silence for a few seconds when Yanjun asked: "But why aren't you asking whether I'm going by car or walking to my house?"

Zhangjing looked at him with wide eyes.

"Wait, are you going to walk all this way or-"

 

"No, silly. I'm going to the subway station."

Yanjun said, laughing softly. Zhangjing said a vague aha and kept walking. The streets were full of light, many people were walking on the pavements, talking and laughing. It was a beautiful night. Moon was shining brightly and many stars were adorning the night sky.

 

They slowed down near a fountain in front of a shopping mall, decorated with lights and flashy bits of decoration.

They stood there, looking at the fountain, people around it and the shops.

 

"Thank you for inviting me."

Zhangjing turned around, Yanjun was still observing the mall.

"It felt like home. I've missed that feeling."

Yanjun smiled bitterly, turning around to face Zhangjing. He didn't know what to say to that.

"Y-you can visit us whenever you want."

He said, blinking rapidly. Yanjun smiled, a bit happier now, nodding his head.

The good atmosphere shouldn't be ruined so Zhangjing had to change it back to how it was before. Rapidly, he moved his hand and held out the paper bag he's been hiding behind his back and under his coat all this time in front of Yanjun.

"Merry Christmas!"

 

Yanjun was taken aback for a moment, then his face bloomed with a smile.

"Thank you! You didn't have to!"

He said, gratefulness obvious in his voice.

Zhangjing looked down at his feet.

"I wasn't sure about the color. They said they'll change it if you visit the store earlier than a week. And you shouldn't rip off the label if you want to change and-"

 

"Zhangjing I love it!"

Yanjun said, excited. Zhangjing raised his head, looking at Yanjun. He was holding the dark purple knit scarf in front of him, looking at it with admiration.

"It's so beautiful!"

Zhangjing smiled, feeling the same heat from before rising to his face. _Why was he feeling like that? Was it a fever? Had he caught a cold?_

 

Yanjun wore the scarf around his neck and...wow. It really did suit him.

Suddenly, he looked a bit uncomfortable.

"But...I forgot to get you something..."

He said, all smiles wiped off his face.

 

"You don't have to. I simply did it because, well, I don't know. Think of it as an apology."

Zhangjing smiled. Now Yanjun looked confused.

"Apology?"

He asked.

"For my childish and bad behavior while your last stay on my house, and for making you feel ignored and left out."

Zhangjing stated, mentally slapping himself because _why did he ever treat Yanjun like that?_

 

"Zhangjing stop blaming himself over that small fight challenge failed, huh?"

Yanjun rolled his eyes, smiling.

 

"It wasn't small, okay? I have the right to blame myself at least till summer."

Zhangjing frowned. Yanjun laughed and took his hand out of his pocket. He ruffled Zhangjing's hair, still laughing and looking at him.

 

And at that moment, for a millisecond, Zhangjing felt his heart stop beating. Immediately, it started beating faster. Faster than ever, and once again, his face started to get hot. All he could hear and see was Yanjun. The world around him faded away for a short time, and all he could see was how Yanjun's laugh turned into a soft smile, so soft and caring as his hand gently moved one last time in Zhangjing's hair before pulling away.

"It's getting late. I'll walk the rest alone."

Yanjun said, smiling while putting his hands back in his coat's pockets.

Zhangjing blinked and nodded absentmindedly.

"Good night…"

 

They parted ways.

 

The cold breeze and the slow walk didn't help Zhangjing's racing heart and shocked mind. He felt a sudden void in his heart, now feeling Yanjun's absence for the first time that night. It has never happened before. It was a new feeling, yet so,  _so_ _familiar_.

 

After Zhengting and his parents left, after Zhangjing brushed his teeth, changed into his comfortable pajamas and climbed onto his bed, taking shelter under the blankets, he took his phone and texted the only person he could talk about this with.

 

 **Brat** :

I'm not sure if I'm straight anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sO SORRY FOR UPDATING THIS LATE okay so I was pretty busy studying and voting that I procrastinated updating this. EXO has been nominated for BBMA top social artist and I was so stressed over the voting and stuff. Enjoy!!!!


	25. New year's resolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has exceeded 200 kudos?? and 2k hits???? Guys thank you so much omg I never thought I'd achieve this THANK YOU!!!!!💕

"You text me at 1AM saying you may or may not be interested in men and then send me 176 texts cursing me for not responding. Well excuse me, I was sleeping!"

Zhengting said bitterly, sitting down next to Zhangjing, handing him a cup of coffee. They were sitting at his room's balcony, early in the morning, after Zhengting had called him and screamed at him to get there as soon as possible and explain everything.

"Now shoot. I'm all prepared to get high blood pressure because of you."

Zhengting said, sipping his coffee. Zhangjing sighed.

"Look I'm not sure whether this is a small crush or not. I just...My body is functioning weirdly around this guy. My heart beats faster than usual when he smiles at me, or when I hear him laugh because of something I said or did. My face feels hot when he compliments me or does something really nice. I sometimes miss him when he leaves, even after a few minutes. I don't know what this is, but I've figured it probably isn't how I should be feeling towards a friend."

There was silence for a few seconds, Zhangjing kept staring at his coffee.

 

"So you like Yanjun."

Zhengting said, deeply in his own thoughts.

"I never said it was Yan-"

"In a romantic way."

 

Zhangjing closed his mouth, staring at Zhengting with shock.

"Why are you looking at me like that? You said it yourself that this isn't how one feels towards a friend."

Zhengting shrugged.

 

"I know but it's different hearing it from you."

Zhangjing sighed again.

"It just confirms that I may actually like Yanjun. In a romantic way."

He dropped his head down. Zhengting patted his back.

"Hey, it's okay though? You should be happy, finally finding someone you like. It's a good thing."

Zhengting said, smiling.

 

"I shouldn't like him. He's straight so I'll either end up hurt or ruin our friendship."

Zhangjing whined.

"What even...Zhangjing you said you were straight with your whole chest and now look where we are. At my balcony, whining about how you're crushing hard on your fake-boyfriend."

Zhengting said, a hint of laughter in his voice.

 

Zhangjing put a hand in his hair and groaned.

"What should I do..."

He sat straight, and continued: "I should get rid of this crush as soon as possible."

"Tsk. This doesn't look like a small and negligible crush and honey, you don't just get rid of a crush."

Zhengting said, shaking his head.

 

"Why? I can stop being in contact him for a while and then my feelings would die, right?"

"You lost your contact with him for a week and you turned into a sad moping mess."

"That's because I hurt him and I was feeling guilty! This time it's different!"

"Zhangjing look..."

Zhengting sighed, closing his eyes and opening them after mere seconds.

"Don't go and ruin the friendship you two have. He opened up to you, you opened up to him, and finally, things are starting to work out. Just stay the way you are and pay close attention to his actions. See if he does anything that can be interpreted into something more than normal friendship between two people. Pay more attention and stop trying to run away from your feelings. I know they are not new, I could see this coming since some time ago."

 

Zhangjing's eyes grew wide.

"What? How? But I wasn't-"

"Yes, you were. You started liking him way before you admitted it to yourself. I've known you for so long, the way you talk about Yanjun is much more different than how you talk about any other person."

Zhengting smiled softly. Zhangjing watched, speechless.

"I just never directly mentioned it because I didn't want to push you, and meddling in people's love-life isn't what I favor."

 

Zhangjing nodded.

"So...I should just act normal, right?"

"Act normal. And whenever you need, feel free to scream at me about Yanjun."

Zhengting said, grinning.

"You'll regret this though..."

___________

 **Yanjun** :

Happy new year!!!!!!!!

 

Zhangjing smiled at his phone. It was barely ten minutes past midnight, yet Yanjun remembered to send him a text.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Happy new year!

I wish it brings you the best

 

 **Yanjun** :

Same with you

But wow

Can you believe

We haven't seen each other

Since last year?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

...

You know what

Goodnight

 

 **Yanjun** :

No no no wait

C'mon it wasn't that bad

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You're gonna start your new year like that?

Lame jokes?

Are you?

 

 **Yanjun** :

They're not lame

You just lack some sense of humor

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh if that's what you call humor

I'm glad I lack that sense of humor

 

 **Yanjun** :

I just texted to say a happy new year and go

I feel attacked

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I'm trying to give you a good new year's resolution

Something like

No more lame jokes

 

 **Yanjun** :

Okay then

I won't joke around with you anymore

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Wait no

That's not what I meant

Yanjun

 

 **Yanjun** :

Lol chill I know

I was just messing with you

So

What are you doing?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

I just arrived at my room

And I'm going to watch a movie

Starting my 2019 peacefully like that

 

 **Yanjun** :

Ooooh what movie

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Harry Potter

 

 **Yanjun** :

There is nothing peaceful about harry potter tho?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

The chaos calms me down

 

 **Yanjun** :

...

What

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Nothing I just want to remember my childhood

 

 **Yanjun** :

Are you going to watch the sorcerer's stone?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Yup

 

 **Yanjun** :

Wait I have it too

I'll watch it as well

Wait I'm bringing my laptop

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You want to watch it together?

 

 **Yanjun** :

Yes

Wait I'm turning on my laptop now

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Take your time

 

 **Yanjun** :

Okay I'm ready

Shall we start watching?

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Sure

 

Although it was just him in the room, watching the movie, it felt different. Yanjun was probably sitting on his bed too, watching the exact movie, the exact part. It gave him a funny feeling. He couldn't help but giggle from time to time. He couldn't help but wonder _how is Yanjun reacting to this scene? Is he laughing? The laugh he throws his head back? Is he also frowning at Malfoy for being a brat? Is he..?_

 

Exactly when the closing credits started rolling, his phone rang. A smile appeared on his lips when he saw Yanjun's name on the screen.

 

"Seems like you enjoyed it a lot."

Zhangjing said, smiling as he shut his laptop and put it on his desk.

"It was my second time watching it, and it didn't fail to entertain, at all!"

Yanjun said, voice excited.

"I know, right? I've watched it so many times but every time I watch it again, I feel just as excited as the first time."

"But you know, the best part is fully understanding the sass. I couldn't quite catch it when I was 8."

 

"Same! _Honestly, don't you two read?_ "

 

"Hermione kept roasting Ron and Harry like every 5 minutes and I loved it."

 

"But Professor McGonagall was on another level. When she said “ _Perhaps it would be more useful if I were to transfigure Mr.Potter and yourself into a pocket watch? That way, one of you might be on time.”_ I literally snorted."

 

"I was wheezing at that!!"

Yanjun laughed aloud. Suddenly, Zhangjing found himself laughing silently as well. It was as if Yanjun's excitement about the movie was contagious.

"Should we watch the rest of Harry Potter movies like this sometime?"

Zhangjing asked, mentally slapping himself but at the same time, praising himself for being brave enough to make such a statement. Yanjun didn't hesitate to answer.

"Yes! Yes, that's so great! We can watch it together, like, we can meet up and watch them, how about that?"

 

Zhangjing's heart skipped a bit. He felt his face flush.

"Sure...Yes, we should do that sometime..."

 

There was a short silence before Yanjun spoke again:

"Oh my God, it's past 3!"

 

Zhangjing looked at the clock and frowned.

"Uh, I guess we should both sleep then."

"Then, Talk to you tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"goodnight!"

"Night."

Zhangjing smiled and hung up. He slept so well that night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many Harry Potter references. I wrote this while I was re-watching HP movies lol.  
> So I had a question. When these two start dating (which isn't gonna happen that soon, just saying), do you guys prefer shy Yanjun in the receiving end of affection while Zhangjing is the one more confident about showing it or vice versa? The plot will develop in a way that this won't seem that weird and out of character, but I still wanna know which one you prefer.


	26. Job Application

Zhangjing found himself missing Yanjun when they hadn't talked for 3 days in a row, sometime mid-January.

 

"Stop whining and call him."

Zhengting had said when Zhangjing called him for the nth time, saying how Yanjun was ignoring him.

"No, I don't wanna bother him."

 

"You are not a nuisance to him, so calling him won't mean bothering him

"What if he has figured out I have a crush on him?"

"Zhangjing I swear to god-"

"What if he thinks I'm a creep? Oh my God, what should I do??"

"For heaven's sake Zhangjing! Did you even text him?"

"No...I mean, I was the first one to text and the last to reply last time."

"Don't tell me you are using this childish method!"

"Hey!"

Zhangjing whined helplessly, hugging his blanket while rolling from one side to another on his bed.

 

"Text him or call him. Stop whining I have assignments to hand in and you're ruining my education."

"Rude."

"I'm hanging up. Goodbye, you miserable small man."

"Wha- Hey Zhengting! Zhengting did you actually hang up? Zhu Zhengting!!!"

Zhangjing shouted, but the call has already ended. He buried his face in the pillow, letting out a muffled scream. After calming down, he took a deep breath, sitting straight.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Hey

How are you?

 

He threw his phone to the other side of his bed, once again burying his face in the pillow.

In less than a minute, he heard his phone's notification tone. He screamed, nearly diving towards his phone.

 

 **Yanjun** :

Hi Zhangjing

Not bad

 

Zhangjing frowned. Something felt off.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Is everything okay?

 

 **Yanjun** :

Yes

Well kinda

I don't know

I've been pretty busy these past days

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Oh

I see

I haven't heard of you lately so I was starting to get worried

 

 **Yanjun** :

Aw thank you.

 

Zhangjing's frown grew deeper when Yanjun didn't send anything after that. Something was definitely not right, so he called Yanjun.

It took him so long to answer, and almost when Zhangjing was ready to give up, he picked up.

"Sorry, I wasn't in a proper place to pick up."

He declared. His voice wasn't as cheerful and energetic as it was all the time.

 

"Uh-huh. You don't sound good."

Zhangjing said flatly.

"Ummm, Are you saying I have a bad voice or...?"

"No, I'm saying there's something bothering you."

Zhangjing said, a little bit more gently this time.

Yanjun didn't answer immediately.

 

"I'm just...stressed. A bit."

"A bit?"

"I haven't slept for two days and I'm living off caffeine and energy drinks."

 

Zhangjing gasped.

"What? Why??"

"I'm so stressed I have to study a dozen of books and I'm not even sure if I can make it and I...I just...Aaaaaaaaah."

Yanjun groaned weakly. Zhangjing's worry grew stronger.

"Where are you?"

He asked.

"Huh?"

"Where are you right now?"

"Library. The same one we met once when you were studying with Zhengting."

"Good. I'm coming."

"What? You...you're coming here??"

 

Zhangjing grabbed his sweater and searched for his jeans.

"Yeah. Why're you so shocked?"

He said absentmindedly, finally finding what he was looking for.

 

"N-nothing."

"I'll text you when I get there. Meet me at the terrace on the ground floor."

__________

Yanjun running to the terrace, where Zhangjing was waiting for him, was probably the most cheerful thing to happen during the past days. However, when Zhangjing had a closer look, Yanjun looked anything but cheerful.

His skin was paler than usual and there were dark bags under his eyes. It seemed like he had lost a couple of kilograms as well.

 

"You better give me a good reason for doing this to yourself."

Zhangjing said, horrified.

Yanjun sighed.

"There is a job application for a journalist in my favorite fashion magazine, Ray Li, in three days..."

 

"Really?? Are you going to apply?"

Zhangjing asked, suddenly excited.

Yanjun stared at the ground.

"I don't know...I really want to but I'm not sure if I can..."

 

Zhangjing's excitement faltered at Yanjun's downcast tone.

"Why? Oh, is it necessary to have a degree in journalism?"

He asked, worried.

Yanjun shook his head.

"They have literally no conditions. However, people who want to get the job have to go through two examinations, and a job interview."

"That's a lot."

Zhangjing whistled. Yanjun sighed again and nodded.

 

"So that's why you've been studying so hard and losing sleep?"

Zhangjing asked. Yanjun nodded once again. He looked so, so weak and weary. Honestly, Zhangjing thought one bit of more pressure and he'd burst into tears.

 

"Then don't even dare thinking about not applying."

Zhangjing said, determined. Yanjun looked at him, still not saying anything.

"You'll get the job, trust me. You have the experience, you've already written dozens of articles! Do you know how much you are ahead of others?"

"I am...?"

"Of course you are! Now get rid of that sad face and come here."

Zhangjing walked to the bench across the terrace, in a more secluded area. Yanjun followed him with confusion and sat down next to him.

 

"Now, you'll need to get some sleep before continuing. You can't do anything if you're this exhausted."

Zhangjing pointed at his shoulder.

"My sweater is pretty soft and comfy. It'll be a good pillow don't worry."

He smiled brightly. Inside, of course, he was both screaming and cringing.

 

Yanjun's eyes widened. Zhangjing expected compliant against sleeping on his shoulder, but that wasn't the case.

"But what if I can't wake up early?"

Yanjun asked, terrified.

 

"I'll wake you up, don't worry."

Zhangjing reassured. Yanjun still looked hesitant. Not so long after, he slowly sunk low in the bench

"The heights don't match though..."

he said quietly, carefully laying his head on Zhangjing's shoulder.

 

Offering Yanjun to sleeping on his shoulder wasn't really on his plans, but seeing how tired he was, he truly couldn't stop himself from saying it. The bench was too stiff and cold, and Zhanhjing was unwilling to give up his sweater in that cold air for it to be like a pillow for Yanjun and the bench to be like a bed.

He was satisfied though. The weight on his shoulder was pleasant. So were Yanjun's blueberry scented shampoo and his quiet, soft snores that emerged seconds after he closed his eyes.

 

For the next hour, Zhangjing spent the time playing with his phone, reading some PDFs and anything that didn't need much hand movements. By the end of that one hour, his left hand was numb.

 

"Yanjun..."

He said softly. No response.

"Yanjun..."

He called him a bit louder this time. Still no response.

"Hey, Lin Yanjun!"

This time, Yanjun let out a small groan.

"Get up. It's been an hour."

Zhangjing said firmly. Yanjun groaned again, and slowly detached himself from Zhangjing. Zhangjing grabbed his arm, massaging it.

Yanjun rubbed his eyes, yawning.

 

"Well, that was a good nap."

He said, stretching out his arms and legs out, sitting up straight.

Zhangjing smiled.

"See? Sleeping helps your brain's function."

Yanjun smiled back. He still looked tired, but a tiny bit less.

"I think I'll head back in. I can't waste my time anymore."

He said, getting up.

"Resting is not wasting your time."

Zhangjing got up too, following him.

"I'm also coming. I can't leave you to yourself. You'll just go overboard and hurt your health even more."

Yanjun stopped in his tracks.

"You...You're going to stay here with me?"

Zhangjing nodded, and he swore he saw Yanjun's eyes sparkle. Before Yanjun could protest, Zhangjing walked out of the terrace, Yanjun following him from behind.

 

Zhangjing grabbed a novel and sat next to Yanjun. Before opening his book, he grabbed his phone.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

Every one hour you'll take a 15min rest

 

Yanjun received the text, his eyes widened. Zhangjing frowned and discouraged him from saying whatever he was about to say.

 

 **You Zhangjing** :

You are not going to sacrifice your health over a job application

You've already done that enough

 

Yanjun looked unsure, but eventually, he nodded.

He soon got too immersed in studying. Zhangjing started reading the novel he had picked up, setting a timer on his phone.

When the timer showed 00:00:00, he reached out and closed the book that was in front of Yanjun. Yanjun looked at him with surprise.

"Rest."

Zhangjing lip-synced. Yanjun nodded. Much to Zhangjing's disbelief, Yanjun lowered down on his chair again, and placed his head on Zhangjing's shoulder. He felt his face go red, and he thanked God a million times that their desk was in a corner and it wasn't a busy day in the library.

 

_Calm down, calm down..._

He said to his racing heart. What if Yanjun could hear it?

 

_Please calm down._

__________

Yanjun didn't sleep on his shoulder anymore (much to Zhangjing's displease), having gained enough energy to carry on without sleeping for the next 5 hours they were in the library. Zhangjing had already finished the novel by the time Yanjun plopped down on the chair in front of him with a new book. Zhangjing's eyes grew wide.

"Are you starting a new one??"

He asked in disbelief. Yanjun nodded and opened the book.

"No, you're not! God, what is wrong with you??"

Zhangjing pulled the book out of his hands and closed it. Yanjun frowned.

"Hey give it back!"

He whispered, loudly. Zhangjing frowned too and shook his head.

"You've slept for like, one hour and a quarter in 2 days as far as I know, and that is not good at all!"

"I'll sleep after the exam."

"You won't be able to take an exam if your body shuts down all of a sudden. Yanjun, do you understand this?"

It was so hard to keep a low voice when the person he was trying to persuade was showing little to no sense of logic.

 

Yanjun's frown didn't leave his face. Zhangjing sighed.

"You look awful and you need sleep."

Yanjun rolled his eyes but slowly gave up trying to take his book back.

"Go home and sleep. See, it's 5 now. If you sleep till 7 in the morning, it'll be 14 hours, and you'll be fully recharged. Start studying non-stop till night and just follow a humane schedule that doesn't make you look like a zombie, okay?"

Zhangjing gave it his last try, and waited for Yanjun's response. Yanjun stared at him for a moment, and then he got up, grabbed the book from Zhangjing's hands and went to the shelf he picked it from.

 

Zhangjing smiled, watching Yanjun gather his books and pens, putting them in his black backpack.

As they made their way to the door, Yanjun, with a small smile, asked quietly: "But why are you so insistent on correcting my unhealthy studying schedule?"

 

"Well, it might have escaped your notice,"

Zhangjing opened the door for them.

"-But I care about you, probably as much as you do for me."

 

Zhangjing didn't fail to catch the blush that painted Yanjun's cheeks at hearing that.


	27. Success

It took Zhangjing a lot of deliberation, but in the end, he darted across his room, grabbed his car keys and left the house in a hurry.  
He knew where Yanjun's exam was being held, and he knew he would be there way too late if there was traffic.  
There wasn't, and he considered himself so lucky. The exam would start at 9 sharp, and he entered the building 10 minutes prior. Running out of the elevator on the 7th floor, he scanned the hallways carefully. Soon, he found Yanjun walking up and down one of the hallways, reading the book in his hands. Zhangjing broke into a smile upon seeing him. He walked up to him. However, Yanjun was too busy revising and chewing on his bottom lip in nervousness to notice Zhangjing's arrival.  
Zhangjing sighed, still smiling.  
"You know every single word, I'm pretty sure."

Yanjun snapped his head up and looked at Zhangjing with wide eyes.  
"Zhangjing!"  
He said with a rather loud voice, Shocked by seeing the older.  
Zhangjing's smile grew wider.  
"Hi!"  
He said cheerfully. It sounded new to him. Greeting someone with such enthusiasm and happiness, it was new.  
"But why are you..?"  
Yanjun started, closing his book.  
"I thought it'd be a good idea to wish you good luck before your exam."  
Zhangjing shrugged. It was such a weak excuse because he could've just texted Yanjun. But no, he woke up early on a weekend, left his precious bed, got dressed and drove for 15 minutes just to get there before Yanjun leaves for taking his exam.

"Participants may enter room number 28 for taking their exam now!"  
A voice announced from the other end of the hallway. All color left Yanjun's face.  
Zhangjing put his hands on Yanjun's shoulder, looking into his eyes with determination.  
"You got this! Don't panic, read the questions carefully and just skip whatever you are not sure about. Remember to take deep breaths, okay?"  
Yanjun nodded nervously.  
"Do you have chocolate with you?"

"Chocolate?"  
Yanjun asked confused. Zhangjing rolled his eyes and reached for his coat's pocket. He handed Yanjun the two foil wrapped chocolates and patted his shoulder supportively.  
"Now go. Good luck. I know you wouldn't really need it since you have studied so hard already."  
He smiled. Yanjun smiled back, still surprised, and started walking towards room 28.

Zhangjing sat in one of the chairs in the hallway, reading the paper glued to the door of the room in which Yanjun was taking his exam.

«Among 48 participants for the first examination, only 16 top grades are allowed to take the second examination. Also, the top 3 grades won't have to participate in the 2nd round of examination in order to be approved for the job interview. Further information about the 2nd examination and job interview will be announced to the participants via our official website.  
Exam's results will be announced on this hallway's noticeboard in 1 to 2 hours after the exam is over.»

Yanjun was the one taking the exam, but Zhangjing was feeling stressed. He really, really wanted him to get the job.  
Yanjun was the last person to leave the room after 2 hours. When he walked out, he was pale. Zhangjing got up quickly.  
"You...You're still here?"  
Yanjun asked, shocked. Zhangjing nodded.  
"Of course. How was it?"  
He asked. Yanjun shrugged.  
"I don't know. I'm not sure."  
"Hmmm, let's hope for the best.

Yanjun hummed in agreement.  
"So," Zhangjing clapped his hands. "Where should we go while they grade your papers?"

Bold of Zhangjing to assume Yanjun's eyes couldn't go any wider.  
"You aren't going home?"  
He asked.  
"I mean I can go if you want to be alone but-"  
Zhangjing started, and he was stopped mid-sentence.  
"No! No, I don't want to be alone. I'm just...so touched. You are wasting your weekend because of me..."  
"I'm not wasting it. I'm spending it with you."  
Yanjun quickly went from pale to crimson upon hearing Zhangjing's response. Zhangjing turned on his heel and walked towards the elevator, smirking.  
"Let's go to a café. I'm craving coffee and cake."  
__________  
The café Zhangjing chose was a small and comfortable one. A piece of calming music was playing in the background and the caramel curtains made the place dim, making it more relaxing.  
"You should go to the job interview with formal clothes, right?"  
Zhangjing asked, slicing his chocolate cake.  
"I might not even make it to the next exam."  
Yanjun whined, hopelessly stirring his coffee.  
Zhangjing rolled his eyes.  
"Where is all the confidence when we first went to a café?"  
He asked, smiling playfully. It took Yanjun a few seconds, but when he figured out what he was talking about, he broke into a huge smile.  
"Oh my God, it seems like it was yesterday!"  
"It does! Remember how shocked you were?"  
"I sure was. You told me to search your name on the internet. Should've seen my face when I did after you left."  
"What? Why?"  
Zhangjing started laughing.  
"I was like, I just agreed to pretend to be the heir of YouChems CN's boyfriend. What have I done???"  
He started laughing as well.

"Ah, that was fun. You were so smug, I kinda regretted asking you."  
"What? Me? I'm the nicest person ever."  
"You...are nice. Yeah."  
Zhangjing shrugged.  
A comfortable silence fell between them. Zhangjing smiled to himself. He remembered how the deal was to only stay in touch in order Zhangjing's parents asked about Yanjun or wanted to meet him to make sure this relationship actually exists. In the span of 5 months, Yanjun has become his close friend and his crush. Yanjun calmed him down when he was in a dark place, Zhangjing let him stay in his house when he needed a place to stay, Yanjun listened carefully to his trauma, Zhangjing stayed next to him while he was stressed out. He gained more than what he ever thought, and he was thankful.

"Hey, are you okay?"  
He heard Yanjun's voice. He snapped out of his thoughts and found out he has been staring at his coffee, smiling.  
He looked at Yanjun, who had a puzzled look on his face.  
"I'm great."  
___________  
"I'm gonna start reading from last to first."  
"Yanjun-"  
"Oh my God, what if my name is last?"  
"Yan-"  
"Yeah, I'm reading from the end. It'll take less time so I can go home earlier and mourn in peace."

Zhangjing sighed. They were standing on the opposite side of the noticeboard, waiting for the crowd to slowly leave. Lots of them had disappointed faces, and some were happy. When there was no one left, Yanjun took a deep breath.  
"Okay, okay I'm going. I'm going."  
Zhangjing rolled his eyes and followed him, but deep inside, he was so nervous as well.  
"Okay, I'm reading it now. 48..."  
Yanjun stared at the bottom of the paper, pale once again. Zhangjing gathered the courage to look at the paper and...  
"YANJUN! YANJUN LOOK!"  
He shouted, excited.  
"WHAT WHAT WHAT HAPPENED?"  
Yanjun jumped up in surprise and yelled.  
"LOOK IT'S YOUR NAME!"  
"WHERE??"  
Yanjun squinted at the paper.  
"NOT THERE, LOOK HERE! LOOK AT THE FIRST RANKS!!"  
Zhangjing was jumping up and down, shouting with excitement.  
Yanjun looked, and his eyes went wide. And then, he screamed.  
"SECOND! I'M RANKED SECOND!! I'M ONE OF THE TOP THREE!!!!"  
Yanjun yelled, jumping up and down. Laughing out loud. Zhangjing started laughing, and he pulled Yanjun in a hug just when the other was about to do the same thing. Yanjun held him tight, spinning around and raising him a bit from the ground. Zhangjing laughed even more, lightly hitting Yanjun's shoulder.  
"Hey put me down."  
Yanjun put him down, smiling widely, face red from excitement and laughing.  
"Sorry."  
Zhangjing looked around them, and no one was there. He turned his face to Yanjun again.  
"Seems like you'll have a long time to relax before the job interview."  
Yanjun nodded his head.  
"I can get good sleep now. Oh dear God, I'm so happy."  
He sighed in satisfaction, relaxing his body.  
"I'll sleep for a whole day."

Zhangjing laughed at that. He felt so light. Too happy and relieved to feel flustered by the moment they just had a few seconds ago. It was as if he was the one that achieved what he has always wanted. He felt so, so relieved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! I have some announcements that I wanted to post on the previous chap, but couldn't. So here we go:
> 
> 1) Thanks for sharing your opinions on the question I asked on chapter 25. We'll go with 'Usually flirty, sometimes shy Yanjun' ^^
> 
> 2)I have national final exams starting from tomorrow. in the next one and half months, I'll be dealing with that and a national university entrance exam which I've been preparing for since last summer. Therefore updates may become slower and less frequent. However, I'll make sure to post whenever I can.
> 
> 3)I won't be able to reply to comments as much as I did before, but they are appreciated like they've always been. Your kind words are always a huge encouragement for me, for writing this story and for other things in my life. I'll make sure to read every single one and I thank you all for them.
> 
> 4)Last but not least, thank you so much for all the support you've shown up until now. I'll make sure to repay it by continuing this story in the best way I can. Please be patient with updates for the next 1.5 months. 
> 
> I love you all, please take care of yourselves and have an amazing day💕


	28. Happiest Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't read/seen Harry Potter:  
> A Patronus is a charm that protects people from dementors. Dementors feed on happiness and hope, and they get it from their victims which are people. To make a Patronus you need to think of a happy memory. Something so bright and happy that can fight away the darkness.

Yanjun wasn't lying when he said he was going to sleep for a whole day. He replied to Zhangjing's text the next afternoon.

"He---llo"

He yawned.

"Sorry."

He sheepishly added. Zhangjing laughed.

"You really slept for 24 hours, didn't you?"

 

"I did! I had to get up at some points and eat something, but I went straight back to sleep after that!"

He laughed, then Continued: "Experiences like this make me want to be a polar bear and hibernate every year."

"That's such a great future goal."

"Yes, I know. Thanks."

"So, I was wondering..."

"Hmm?"

"Do you wanna have a Harry Potter marathon?"

Zhangjing asked, fiddling with his fingers as he waited for Yanjun's response.

"Yes!! I've been dying to see the next movies but I couldn't because of the exams and- oh but can we do it tomorrow?"

He asked cheerfully.

"Sure. Why?"

"Justin asked me to go shopping with him in like, an hour. Not to mention how I want to use extra 12-hour sleep."

"More? This doesn't sound much different than hibernating, Yanjun."

Zhangjing said with a fake disapproving tone. Yanjun laughed.

"Okay then. Have fun. Come to my apartment at 6, is it good?"

"Your penthouse? Okay sure. I'll bring snacks."

"Yes, and stop calling it my penthouse oh my God."

Zhangjing rolled his eyes.

"Your extremely luxurious, fancy, big house that is on the top floor of a skyscraper."

"Why do I even bother..."

___________

Yanjun arrived at Zhangjing's house right at 6 O'clock, beaming as he entered the house.

"What's that?"

Zhangjing asked curiously, pointing at the backpack Yanjun had with himself.

"Potato chip with different flavors, chocolates, gummy bears, and soda. Oh and my pajama pants because I can't watch even one movie while wearing jeans. "

Yanjun said, looking at the decent jeans he was wearing.

"We're not going camping you know, we don't need all that food."

Zhangjing pointed out.

"Yes, we do. We do."

Yanjun said seriously, taking off his coat.

While Yanjun was changing in one of the rooms, Zhangjing turned on the TV and got the movies prepared.

"Are we sitting on the couch or should I bring pillows and blankets so we can sit on the floor?"

Yanjun asked, poking his head out of the room he was in.

Zhangjing took a moment to think about it. It sounded a bit...well...they were going to sit, right? They weren't going to lie down next to each other, so that was okay.

"I'll get the pillows and blankets."

Zhangjing said loudly, slowly getting up.

"Nah I'll bring them."

Yanjun said.

"But you don't know where they are."

"They're in this room. Such a lovely coincidence."

 

In a few seconds, there was a pile of white pillows and colorful blankets stumbling towards Zhangjing. He couldn't help but giggle.

"Can you even see?"

Zhangjing asked playfully.

"No," whined Yanjun, voice muffled. "Help me!"

Zhangjing let out a laugh and took two of the pillows that were blocking Yanjun's face. Yanjun gasped for air dramatically. Strands of his dark brown hair were standing in the air because of static electricity.

Zhangjing reached out his free hand, and gently tried to put those strands where they originally were.

His eyes met Yanjun's, and he caught him trying so hard to look normal despite being flustered, and he was staring right into Zhangjing's eyes, not breaking the eye contact.

Zhangjing gulped, retracting his hand. His face got so heated and he knew he was blushing like crazy, and oh God this was embarrassing. He hugged the pillows he was holding.

"Static electricity...your hair was...looking weird..."

He said shyly, looking at the pillows in his arms. He heard Yanjun's laugh, and to his surprise, it wasn't even forced. He looked at Yanjun with suspicion.

"Thanks."

Yanjun said, smiling. Before walking past Zhangjing to drop the blankets where they wanted to seat, he ruffled Zhangjing's hair. Zhangjing tried so, so hard not to gasp. His heart started beating faster, or as he liked to call it, it started beating at an alarming rate. He has been expecting an actual heart attack since he realized he was crushing on Yanjun.

 

Yanjun settled two layers of blanket over the carpet and leaned all the 5 pillows against the base of the sofas behind and next to them. It seemed like a really comfortable place to have a movie marathon in. He also brought his backpack closer, taking three different packets of potato chips out alongside a huge plastic bow.

"You really came prepared."

Zhangjing raised an eyebrow.

"Movie marathons are really important to me, Zhangjing."

Yanjun said as he emptied one of the packets in the bowl.

"I'm all set. Let's start this."

__________

They decided to take a break after finishing the third movie. Yanjun was leaning against one of the pillows while eating gummy bears. Zhangjing stretched out his arms and legs. Yanjun sat up straight. He looked like he has just got a great idea.

"Zhangjing!"

"Hm?"

Zhangjing hummed absentmindedly.

"What is one happy memory that you might be able to produce a strong Patronus with?"

Zhangjing made himself comfortable against a pillow, and hugged his knees, thinking about Yanjun's question.

"I don't know."

He said, frowning in concentration, trying to find a happy memory strong enough for such a thing.

"Oh come on! There is something there. A great achievement at school? First time riding a car?"

Yanjun said enthusiastically.

"Those aren't strong enough memories. Didn't you see how Harry's first time flying on a broom couldn't produce a Patronus?"

Zhangjing stated.

Yanjun tilted his head, looking like he wasn't really listening to Zhangjing's explanation.

"You know what I'll think about for making one?"

He said, smiling, looking at an uncertain spot.

"What?"

Zhangjing asked.

"When I looked at the hallway I was walking on, studying and I saw you. That's my significant happy memory,"

Yanjun said dreamily.

Zhangjing felt his heart stop beating for a second. He stared at Yanjun who was still smiling, now looking at him.

"I wasn't expecting to see anyone, at all. I can't remember when was the last time I felt so much joy all of a sudden. I looked and you were standing there. Ready to give me emotional support. And then again, when I finished my paper and walked out, you were still there. Waiting to ask me if I did well. You know, it just made me so happy."

 

Zhangjing was speechless. He couldn't find the right words to say. His heart was beating so fast and so loud, _what if Yanjun could hear it?_

 

"I...didn't know it meant that much to you."

He finally said. Yanjun smiled even more.

"It did. Knowing someone other than myself cares this much about me achieving my goals is so heartwarming. This is something...something even my parents didn't do..."

Yanjun trailed off, looking at his hands on his laps. He started pulling at the skin around his nails.

_Just like the last time he talked about his parents._

Zhangjing thought.

He held one of Yanjun's hand, stopping him from hurting his fingers.

Yanjun looked at him. His eyes were downhearted. Zhangjing smiled at him, gently rubbing the back of his hand with his thumb.

"Then I'm glad to tell you that I'll always be there to support you on your path and cheer for you."

Zhangjing said.

"And, please stop doing that to your fingers whenever you're sad. It'll leave scars and they'll hurt."

Zhangjing continued, slowly retracting his hand from Yanjun's. Yanjun smiled sheepishly, nodding his head.

 

They went back to watching, Zhangjing pushing the start button for the fourth movie.

"I don't know if I've ever told you this but,"

Yanjun said, right when the opening theme started playing.

"Every time the world seems dim and gloomy to me, you somehow bring light and happiness to it."

He finished. Smiling at his hands and then averting his attention to the TV, completely immersed in the movie.

 

Zhangjing, however, couldn't concentrate at all for the rest of the night.


	29. Jealousy? probably

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy isn't even the main point of this chapter I'm just terrible at naming chapters lol

Everything was great. Things in Zhangjing's life were all in place. He was studying well and sleeping a good amount of time despite his occasional nightmares.

Of course, that all had to fall apart when Meihua decided to invite Zhangjing to her birthday party at a nightclub. One says he could easily say no, but Meihua, who has predicted such a response, made sure that Zhangjing's parents knew about this too. And well, _"of course you have to go. There is no reason not to go."_

Except there actually was.

 

It wasn't only Zhangjing who was invited to the party. Meihua explicitly asked him to come with his boyfriend. Yes, he had to take Yanjun with him. Yanjun. To Meihua's party. Yanjun's previous crush. Someone who Yanjun still wanted a chance with even until some months ago, probably even now. Perfect. Just... _perfect_.

 

Of course he told Yanjun, and of course, he happily agreed to come. Zhangjing was picking Yanjun up. He sulkily waited for him in the car. He knew it wasn't that rational to wear this formal suit and tie in this weather, but he did. He wanted to look better than ever, obviously just because he felt like it and not because he wanted to impress anyone. Oh, and he even put makeup on.

 

Yanjun was 5 minutes late, but he finally landed on the passenger seat, smiling cheerfully at Zhangjing as he greeted him.

Zhangjing felt several emotions in about 2 seconds. First, he got so happy. Then, his heart started its stupid race, because Yanjun looked so amazing. And again his heart raced even faster because, for the first time, he was seeing Yanjun with his hair gracefully brushed up. After that, he felt sulky once again. Because _Yanjun has styled his hair up and had nice makeup on and wore such a nice suit to attend Meihua's birthday party._

 

The car ride was mostly music and Yanjun enthusiastically talking about his upcoming job interview and the department he was about to work in if he was accepted in the interview.

Zhangjing wasn't really in the mood to answer cooperatively. As they got closer to the club, the waves of stress hitting him became bigger and bigger. He was not good at parties. He never liked them, and he never wanted to go to one.

He was kinda anticipating this for about two days because he got to go with Yanjun. But the fact that he was socially awkward and nearly scared of meeting new people and talking to them was too real to be ignored.

 

The music on the background was echoing, but it wasn't too loud. Meihua slowly walked towards them as they entered the place, smiling brightly at both of them.

"Hi! So nice to see both of you came!"

She said, tucking a strand of her long hair behind her ear. Zhangjing smiled at her and peeked at Yanjun. He was smiling so vividly at her, and Zhangjing was feeling bitter. She looked really pretty, of course. It was her birthday, and she was supposed to shine, but that didn't stop Zhangjing from frowning when he saw Yanjun still smiling even when Meihua left to greet some of her friends that had just arrived.

 

"Should we say hello to others?"

Yanjun asked, now paying attention to Zhangjing.

"I don't know anyone here. Except for Meihua and Jieqiong."

 

"Oh look! that's Lou Zheng! It's been so long since I last saw him!!"

Yanjun said excitedly, looking at the man who was greeting Meihua. Zhangjing sent him a confused look.

"Some people here are from our middle-school. So uh, they're my friends from that time."

Yanjun said sheepishly. Zhangjing started cursing inwardly. Yanjun would abandon him to talk to his old friends and he'd be stressed out all alone and-

"You should greet them then! Go ahead."

Zhangjing said in the most cheerful voice he could maintain.

Yanjun's eyes went wide.

"You're not coming?"

He asked. Zhangjing shook his head.

"I'm gonna grab a drink. It feels like the party will start soon, so you should greet them before no one can hear anyone over the music."

 

Yanjun nodded and walked away. Zhangjing sighed. It was going to be a boring, dreadful night for him. he was sure.

__________

Zhangjing sat behind the bar, laying his cheek on his hand and looking at the crowd on the dance floor. Yanjun was probably there. And he was probably dancing with someone. Zhangjing frowned, tapping his nails on the table.

"Can I sit here?"

He heard a male's voice from next to him. He turned his head, looking at the young man smiling at him.

"Sure."

He said, quickly averting his eyes to the crowd once again.

The man sat on the chair next to him. He was pretty tall, and his features were sharp, rather intimidating if he wasn't smiling.

"May I buy you a drink?"

He asked, still smiling. Zhangjing shifted uncomfortably on his seat.

"Uh, I- Um I don't- I don't fancy a drink right now."

He said, sending the man a small smile, embarrassed. He nodded and ordered a drink for himself.

 

This. This was exactly why Zhangjing never went to parties alone, and exactly why Zhengting and Xukun never left his side when they took him with them. He got extremely uncomfortable around new people, so he turned into a mess when he had to interact with them all alone. _Where was Yanjun anyway?_

 

"Are you a friend of Meihua from university?"

The man asked, laying his head on his hand and looking at Zhangjing with interest.

"Um, no. Our- Our families know each other and that's how we became uh, friends."

He said, his palms slowly getting sweaty. _Don't ask questions don't ask questions don't-_

 

"Nice style by the way. I can say your sense of fashion can compete with mine."

The man said smugly, sipping his drink. His eyes weren't leaving Zhangjing's face for even a moment and Zhangjing was going insane. The only words repeating in his mind was _don't look at me don't look at me don't look at me-_

"I forgot to ask you, what is your name?"

 

And that was it. Zhangjing was most definitely not becoming friends with a total stranger that kept staring at him and offered him a drink in a club. No.

Right when he was about to make an excuse to leave, he saw Yanjun from the corner of his eye, walking around the dance floor. Zhangjing jumped up, surprising the stranger.

"Oh look there he is! I-I'm sorry I have to go now. Talk to you later!"

He said hurriedly, not waiting for a response. He bolted towards Yanjun who was about to go in the middle of the crowd for another round of dance.

"Yanjun!"

Zhangjing gasped, grabbing Yanjun's arm. Yanjun turned around and looked at him surprised.

"Oh! You finally decided to dance?"

He smiled widely. Zhangjing furiously shook his head

Yanjun's smile faltered a bit. He gently took Zhangjing's wrist and walked them away from the crowd.

"Hey, are you okay? Are you pale or was it just the lighting?"

Yanjun asked, letting go of Zhangjing's wrist.

"P-pale? I'm pale? No, I'm not pale. Why would I be pale?"

Zhangjing laughed nervously. Yanjun narrowed his eyes.

Zhangjing sighed.

"There was this guy at the bar..."

He started but was cut off by Yanjun.

"What? Did he say something rude to you? Did he do anything wrong? What happened?"

Yanjun's tone seemed alarmed, and his eyes became wide.

"He- no. He didn't say anything...wrong. I mean, he..he was trying to hold a conversation with me."

Zhangjing started fiddling with his fingers, staring at them.

"Uh, okay? And?"

Yanjun asked, confused. Zhangjing looked at him in disbelief.

"He's a total stranger! Why would I tell him my name or..or have a conversation with him?"

 

It took a few seconds before Yanjun understood Zhangjing's words, and what his pale face and uncomfortable movements meant.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry. I left you alone for so long, I'm sorry!"

He said, guilt filling him up. Zhangjing shook his head.

"It's okay. I don't want you to ruin your night just because I'm an anxious antisocial mess."

Zhangjing said gloomily, fiddling with the sleeve of his coat.

"Don't talk about yourself like that. You're not a mess."

Yanjun frowned. Zhangjing sighed once again. He angrily stared at the speakers, blasting the music on maximum volume. He put a hand on his right ear. The pressure he felt minutes ago was gone by now, replaced with a rising headache and possible earache.

Right when he was about to say something, Meihua walked up to them, smiling happily.

"Did you get enough cake? I want to make sure since there are a few slices left."

She asked, gaze shifting between Yanjun and Zhangjing.

"I did!"

Yanjun said cheerfully. Zhangjing tried hard not to roll his eyes, and instead, he stared at the chairs across the room. _Yanjun always broke into his brightest grins when Meihua was around, didn't he?_

 

"What about you, baby?"

It took him a few moments to understand Yanjun was asking a question and just called Meihua baby, and he felt a cold weight fall down from his chest to his stomach. However, it took him even longer to comprehend the fact that Yanjun's question was directed to him, not Meihua. Therefore, he had called him ba-

He looked at Yanjun with wide eyes. He was wearing a soft smile, eyes filled with fondness.

"I...Uh, I wasn't hungry."

He said, palms getting clammy.

"Do you want some now?"

Meihua asked.

"No, no I'm good."

Zhangjing smiled vaguely. Meihua nodded. Before she turned away, Yanjun said: "Hey, is it okay if we leave a bit early? I have things to do at home and I don't have a car since we came here by Zhangjing's car. Unless Zhangjing wants to stay longer?"

Yanjun looked at Zhangjing who was gaping at him. Zhangjing quickly said: "No! I mean, I'll give you a ride. It's okay."

He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Ah," Meihua said. "That's unfortunate. But still, thank you for coming!"

She said.

"Goodbye then. Happy birthday again."

Zhangjing said and turned around, Yanjun following behind a bit later.

__________

"Okay, what was that?"

Zhangjing asked, frowning as they walked out of the club.

"What was what?"

Yanjun put his hands on his pockets.

"Well, first, calling me...calling me..."

Zhagjing started, but he wasn't able to finish. His face was probably red and he hated it.

"Baby?"

Zhangjing flinched, staring at Yanjun with wide eyes. Yanjun tried to hold his laughter but wasn't really successful.

"Why? I mean, she thinks we're dating. We don't act like a couple at all, which is understandable, but we can at least talk like one, right?"

 

Zhangjing didn't answer, still staring.

"Unless you don't like it. Then I won't do it again. But let me tell you, lots of people would do anything to be called Baby by me."

Yanjun pointed a finger at himself. The look on his face and his smile were unbelievably conceited. Zhangjing wanted to punch him. And himself.

He decided to drop the topic, trying to slow down his heartbeat.

They reached the car.

"And what about leaving early?"

He asked, searching for the key in his pocket.

"Oh, that," Yanjun said, the smug look gone. He averted his eyes to the car.

"I thought you were a bit exhausted. And anxious. I don't know, I felt like you didn't want to be there even for another second."

He started drawing invisible lines on the car's window. Zhangjing looked at him, astounded. Yanjun suddenly looked less confident, smaller and a bit embarrassed. The punching feeling was quickly turned into a hugging feeling.

Zhangjing smiled, and opened the door, breaking the silence.

"Well thank you. That's exactly what I wanted. To leave that place."

The way Yanjun's eyes shine and the smile that found its way to his lips upon hearing him was probably one of the most satisfying things Zhangjing has ever seen.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I have to say that I don't really how (in this case) therapy sessions go so forgive me if this chapter is too inaccurate.

Zhangjing was a mess. An actual mess. First, Yanjun had his job interview yesterday. Second, Zhangjing's exams were coming up in less than a month. Third, which was the main reason he was losing his sanity, he has fallen for Yanjun. Took him one movie night and three sleepless nights to figure that out, and in the morning after the third night he stayed wide awake staring at the ceiling, he sighed and accepted that his crush has officially developed to something stronger and deeper.

 

"You are going to go insane if you keep this up."

Zhengting said one morning after Zhangjing desperately asked him to come over, on the verge of a breakdown.

 

He was right. Things were getting complicated once again. He still had occasional nightmares in which he was running away, or was trapped in a fire or even nightmares that ended with Yanjun turning his back to him and disappearing into the darkness. He had to get ready for his exams, which were going to take only 2 weeks, and that meant he literally had one exam every day, sometimes two.  Besides, Yanjun had to get ready for his job interview one week prior, so Zhangjing couldn't meet him that much after Meihua's birthday. They went to the library together once or twice, but Yanjun needed to speak out loud to get ready, so he stayed at home to practice.

 

"What should I do.."

Zhangjing said weakly, covering his face with his arms.

Zhengting looked at him with worry, patting him on the back.

"You're trying too hard to manage everything perfectly. Just let some things happen on their own. You don't have to push yourself that hard."

 

"But what if I ruin everything? What if I make him run away? Aaaaah it's so frustrating!"

Zhangjing whined.

"It's so difficult being with him, and it's even more difficult being away from him. Zhengting what should I do..."

He continued, feeling helpless tears filling his eyes.

"He is not going to run away! Why can't you just take it easy? You don't have to be perfect."

"But I...I'm the older one. I shouldn't be like this."

 

Zhengting rolled his eyes.

"I'm older than Xukun and I'm the emotional drama queen in the relationship. There's nothing wrong with that."

 

Zhangjing just whimpered, laying his head on the table.

"Listen to me,"

Zhengting said firmly.

"You get up right now, get dressed and go to the place Yanjun asked you to meet him in. You aren't going to make a mistake. You aren't going to freak him out. You are in full control of your words and actions and I'm sure of that. Just take a deep breath and go!"

Zhangjing opened his mouth, but Zhengtin frowned and continued: "No he is not going to ask you to leave him alone and he is not going to reject you even before you confess"

Zhangjing closed his mouth. He was amused that such thoughts and scenarios were going on in his mind. Hearing it from someone else just told him how stupid he was.

He sighed and got up. Yanjun had asked if they could meet in a park. The same park they once went to, after buying Yanjun's choice of clothes for Zhangjing. Zhangjing grabbed the orange sweater, sighing.

 

On his way to the parking lot, where his way with Zhengting who wanted to go home parted, Zhengting smiled warmly and said: "Don't try too hard to impress him. You've already done that."

__________

They were sitting in a big café with modern decorations. Yanjun looked nervous, and that just added to Zhangjing's pile of stress. He has figured out I like him and he is going to ask me to get out of his life.

"Zhangjing..."

Yanjun called, softly.

Zhangjing held his hands tightly, fingernails hurting his own skin.

Yanjun sighed, and with a plop, his head landed on the table.

"I did something and I should've asked you first but I did it anyway. I'm so sorry."

His voice was muffled, but Zhangjing could still understand. Now he was confused.

"What? What did you do?"

He asked, looking at Yanjun's hair that was shining gracefully under the lights. Beautiful.

Yanjun raised his head, facing him with sad eyes.

"I...I scheduled a psychotherapists' appointment ...for you..."

 

Zhangjing wanted to ask him to repeat once again because he wasn't sure whether he heard it right or not. But the way Yanjun was looking at him worriedly left no place for questions.

Several emotions attacked him all at the same time. Relief, disbelief, happiness, anger.

"A...psychotherapist?"

He asked, words leaving his mouth with difficulty.

Yanjun nodded, slowly sitting straight.

"He...he is really great. One of the bests actually."

 

Zhangjing waited a second before saying: "You should have asked me first."

Yanjun bit his bottom lip.

"I know...I'm sorry...but it's hard to schedule an appointment since he has many patients that come regularly, and I just...I wanted to save you a spot just in case..."

 

Zhangjing wasn't sure what to say. He was about to snap at Yanjun, about how he didn't need that and how he didn't need Yanjun to pity him and his messed up mental health. However, he took a deep breath, and when Yanjun looked him in the eyes, the sudden anger slowly dissolved.

Yanjun didn't _pity_ him. He never did. He just cared. He truly cared.

He did need proper treatment for his mental state, and Yanjun was considerate enough, Yanjun cared enough to schedule an appointment for him despite being busy.

Yanjun was doing what his parents didn't do 7 years ago.

 

A small smile painted Zhangjing's lips, and he nodded.

"I'll go. Thank you."

 

Yanjun's tensed muscles loosened, and his stressed-out expression was replaced with surprise.

"Really? You...You're not mad at me?"

 

Zhangjing shook his head.

"No. I'm thankful. I just, can't totally understand why you did it."

 

Yanjun averted his eyes, staring at his milkshake.

"I don't want you to hurt anymore,"

He said, nearly a whisper. Zhangjing didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"You seem extremely uncomfortable around strangers, and you flinch when someone picks up their pace around you. These are not healthy, and well, I was thinking...I was wondering whether...whether I could help with making things a bit better."

 

Silence. Zhangjing was speechless. He started to realize that Yanjun was actually right. He was extremely uncomfortable around strangers. He felt a rush of panic when someone behind him suddenly started walking faster. However, he never realized he had shown an unintentional physical reaction like flinching.

He nodded, showing his agreement.

__________

Zhangjing changed his mind about going 5 times. Right when he was about to start up the car and drive back home, his phone rang. It was Yanjun.

"Hey, where are you?"

Yanjun asked.

"Uh...In my car. Why?"

"Oh, so you're on your way! Okay, I thought you've forgotten or something."

Yanjun's voice was cheerful.

"Wait how do you know I'm not there yet?"

"Because I don't see you here."

 

Zhangjing's eyes grew wide.

"You're there?"

"Hmmm."

"What? Why??"

"I didn't want you to go alone."

 

Zhangjing could literally hear Yanjun's shrug.

"I'll be there in a minute..."

Zhangjing sighed, looking for a parking space. Yanjun was really determined about this, wasn't he?

_________

Yanjun didn't accompany him to the doctor's office, of course. He just smiled reassuringly at Zhangjing, who was visibly stressed and nodded his head. That much was enough to give Zhangjing courage.

"Just trust him and answer whatever he asks in the most complete way. He's there to help you, so don't be afraid of letting him know everything. Okay?"

Yanjun had told him before it was his turn to go in. He'd try.

 

Doctor Lou started a casual conversation. Talking about how earlier spring came this year, and how the cherry blossoms were starting to bloom.

Soon, he asked Zhangjing: "What is the reason that you're here today?"

Zhangjing looked around the room. He has discussed this scenario with himself since last week that Yanjun told him about it.

"I...I took some online quizzes, and they all say I have PTSD."

That was literally the stupidest thing he could come up with. _Oh yeah, I (my friend actually) scheduled an appointment one week ago because of some internet quizzes._ He had to admit, he was a bit surprised too when he took dozens of verified tests online and literally every single one told him he had PTSD and he had to receive therapy sessions.

Doctor Lou looked pretty amused.

"Interesting. Have you had an experience, a sad or horrifying one to assure you those quizzes where right?"

Zhangjing nodded slightly, looking at his hands.

"What happened to you after that experience? When everything was over, what were the things you experienced?"

Zhangjing furrowed his eyebrows in concentration, trying to recall that time.

"Sometimes I couldn't remember the incident. I mean, I tried my best to bury it somewhere in the back of my mind, and sometimes I felt like I truly had done so. But then, I started having nightmares, and even  flashbacks."

"Did these symptoms last for a month or less than that?"

"Pretty much more than a month."

Doctor Lou leaned back on his seat, observing Zhangjing with concentration.

"Did these symptoms cause harm to your daily activities? Like studying, spending time with your family, etc?"

"At some point...it did. I couldn't concentrate in class actually, I couldn't even tolerate class sometimes."

 

Doctor nodded. Zhangjing gulped, and finally asked what he's been thinking about since doctor started asking him questions.

"Excuse me, but you never asked me about my traumatic experience."

Doctor Lou smiled.

"We will talk about that a lot soon. But before that, I'd like to say my opinion on your  statements."

 

Zhangjing waited.

"You tried to get rid of the memories of your trauma, and at some point, you experienced amnesia about this particular unfortunate event. The memories flooded back in the form of nightmares and flashback, to the point of dysfunction in your daily life. 

Your sitting posture and the tone of voice you're using is defensive and careful. And above all, your eye movement is rather rapid while answering my questions. I'd have to say those online quizzes were right."

He finished with a faint smile. Zhangjing tried to loosen up his muscles, only now aware of how uncomfortably tense he's been since he sat in front of Dr.Lou.

"But...I don't know, is it still considered PTSD even after so many years?"

He asked quietly. Doctor tilted his head slightly.

"When did the trauma occur?"

"Seven years ago."

He nodded at that.

"Yes, it is still considered PTSD. In the absence of therapy, symptoms can last for even decades. But that leaves me to wonder, why didn't you seek for therapy 7 years ago?"

 

A chill ran down Zhangjing's spine.

"Well, my parents didn't want rumors to spread."

He said, not looking at doctor Lou.

"Rumors?"

"Our family and company hold an important place in China's business industries. My parents didn't want to risk anything..."

He started fiddling with his fingers, suddenly feeling insecure.

"Okay,"

Doctor said. He clasped his hands, leaning forward to look straight into Zhangjing's eyes.

"It doesn't matter that you're here 7 years late. I will help you walk past everything, okay? But beforehand, I think you need to know that many other disorders such as anxiety disorder and depression arise from PTSD. we will eventually find out which ones you are struggling with, even if you don't know. We will try our best to deal with them in the right way and get rid of them, but slowly and step by step. The only thing you need to do is to trust me. Trust me wholeheartedly with your health, will you?"

 

His tone was reassuring, his voice was calm and he looked friendly. Zhangjing took a shaky breath. He really, _really_ wanted to heal all the wounds on his soul. He wasn't really successful with doing that in those 7 years. This man was his only hope for healing, and he would cooperate as much as he could. He _wanted_ to heal...

 

"I will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all I'm done with my finals BUT uni entrance exam in like 20 days uwu.   
> Sorry for slow updates once again. I wanted to update this earlier today but I got too busy on twitter because of B.I's issue. Honestly YG can choke. I'll never forgive him for throwing Hanbin under the bus like this. iKON and B.I don't deserve this. losing your leader is so terrible and I really, really hope YG reconsiders this decision.


	31. Run One Thousand Miles

The bright sky was replaced with a cloudy one by the time Zhangjing and Yanjun walked out of the building. Zhangjing took a deep breath, closing his eyes. When he opened them, Yanjun was looking at him with a vague smile.

"It was good, wasn't it?"

He asked. Zhangjing nodded. He started walking on the pavement, not really sure which direction he was going, it just felt right at that moment.

"I'm a bit worried. I don't know whether I can handle exams and therapy sessions at the same time.

 

"Now don't be ridiculous. Your mental health is more important than exams. It's more important than anything."

Yanjun rolled his eyes, tucking his hands in his jean's side pockets.

 

Zhangjing shrugged. His worry wasn't actually his exams. Well, it was, but not the main one. The truth was that he was afraid. Dr.Lou's choice of therapy was eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. He said this method, EMDR, is a successful treatment for PTSD, and it shows its effectiveness in a shorter time. However, it included recalling the traumatic experience. That's what Zhangjing didn't want to do. Talking about the experience was bad enough, but trying to remember it, to picture it in details in his head was just a terrible idea.  He wanted to disagree with Dr.Lou, but he had agreed on a cooperation earlier, so he didn't really see it in him to protest.

 

"How did you know about doctor Lou by the way?"

Zhangjing asked.

"I used to be one of his patients,"

Yanjun said casually. Zhangjing's brain stopped working for a few seconds, and he just gaped. Yanjun laughed at his expression.

"You know after my parents decided to kinda ignore my existence."

Zhangjing closed his mouth, all the little energy left in him suddenly sucked out.

"I was going crazy, seriously. I was lucky I had enough money to rent a place and pay for therapy sessions. Phew, those were rough times!"

Zhangjing looked at him with admiration. He was talking about his hardest times being alone and without support, yet there was a proud smile on his lips. He had left the past where it belonged, and he was talking about it like it was an interesting story.

Yanjun caught him staring. Zhangjing quickly averted his eyes to the pavement, feeling his face feeling hotter.

 

"Are you walking in the right direction?"

Yanjun asked, eyes fixed on the pavement. It took Zhangjing a few seconds to concentrate, his face going even hotter than before.

"I don't think so."

He said, stopping and sighing. Yanjun laughed. Zhangjing rolled his eyes.

"Where are you heading to?"

Yanjun asked, a smile still remaining on his lips.

"Home. I'm tired."

Zhangjing sighed.

"It feels like I've run one thousand miles while I was in the doctor's office."

"Yet you aimlessly walked a short distance with me. I'm honored."

Yanjun said jokingly. Zhangjing smiled at that. He could walk one million miles with him and never feel tired.

 

What his last remaining brain cells could comprehend was that the smile slowly disappeared from Yanjun's face. What they _couldn't_ comprehend was how not to say one's thoughts out loud...

Yanjun's cheeks were painted with a pink tint now, and his hands were desperately trying to find his pockets. He was flustered and it made Zhangjing's heart go on another race.

"Uhhhh..."

Zhangjing started. Yanjun looked at him, and his pink cheeks went even darker.

"I'll go now. I- See you later then."

He didn't wait for a response, because by every second, Yanjun was becoming even more flustered and Zhangjing was so close to pouring his heart out in front of him, probably ruining everything.

 

_There were so much and too many things to worry about at that moment._

___________

Zhangjing received a call from Yanjun two days later, which started with Yanjun screaming some words at him incoherently. Zhangjing started to panic at first, but when he heard a burst of loud laughter, he was relieved. After calming down, Yanjun finally said what he was trying to tell him all along: "I GOT THE JOB!"

 

It wasn't clear who was more excited after that. Yanjun, or Zhangjing who got up from his chair and started jumping up and down in excitement.

"Really?? Oh my God really??? I knew it! I knew they would accept you!!!"

Zhangjing laughed, light-headed and excited.

"Zhangjing I'm so, so happy!"

Yanjun was laughing too, and Zhangjing could clearly imagine him throwing his head back happily.

"Let's eat out tonight, yeah? My treat. I wanna celebrate."

 

Zhangjing hesitated and looked at the pile of books on his desk, ready to be studied for his first exam. They could wait.

 

"I'm in!"

__________

It was only polite to get Yanjun flowers for his success, _right_? Zhangjing made sure the florist knew this was supposed to mean congratulations on getting the job you wanted so he could choose the right flowers. Zhangjing walked into the fancy restaurant they were supposed to meet with a bouquet of Irises and pink Tulips.

He spotted Yanjun who was busy with his phone. Without a word, he sat right in front of him, putting the bouquet between them, on the table. He waited for Yanjun's reaction.

The bouquet was pulled aside, and he was faced with a gaping Yanjun. His surprised expression slowly turned into a beaming one, radiating happiness.

"Is this for me???"

He asked, smiling brightly. Zhangjing nodded.

"Congratulations."

 

Yanjun made a small excited noise, and buried his face in the flowers, closing his eyes and taking in the scent. Zhangjing looked at him. Yanjun's brown hair was shining under the dim orange lights of the restaurant, looking smoother than ever. He wanted to engrave this scene on his memories.

 

Soon, they were enthusiastically discussing Yanjun's job and the contract he was going to sign tomorrow.

"See, the salary is just so great! I may be able to buy myself a car if I save enough money in two years!"

Yanjun excitedly stabbed a huge amount of french fries next to his steak with a fork.

"You obviously aren't saving much. This place is expensive."

Zhangjing raised an eyebrow, but he was smiling. Yanjun shook his head.

"When I say the salary is great, I mean it really is great. It's even more than the money the heir of a huge company offered me for acting like his boyfriend in front of his parents."

Yanjun teased. Zhangjing's pasta suddenly felt stiff in his mouth. He looked at Yanjun, who was happily enjoying his dinner, unaware of the shock he just gave Zhangjing.

 

"Oh...then it must be good."

Zhangjing tried to fake a laugh. Yanjun nodded.

"Uh, I'll pay you whenever you want to though. You don't have to wait until my exams are over."

He continued, trying to sound normal. Yanjun stared at him for a few seconds before putting his fork and knife down halfway through cutting a piece of his meal. There was no sign of delight on his face.

"Do you think I'm really going to accept that money?"

He asked. Zhangjing's hand suddenly felt clammy.

"I-I mean, that's what we agreed on, right? It was the reason you-"

"Yeah, the reason I accepted the request. But that doesn't mean I still think like that."

Yanjun went back to his steak, leaving Zhangjing confused.

"I don't understand."

He said, slightly frowning. Yanjun sighed. Zhangjing could tell that he wasn't annoyed, just being dramatic.

"I've gained your friendship. That's more valuable than any amount of money I could ever receive."

He didn't wait for an answer and went back to his dinner once again.

 

Zhangjing didn't say a word. He couldn't. Even after a minute, Yanjun's words lingered in his ears as if being told just a second before. He felt as if every single problem he has ever had was about to vanish, every single weight on his heart was being lifted. At the same time, he felt an empty space slowly spreading inside his heart, where the word _friendship_ was echoing louder and louder every time.

He looked at Yanjun, who was happily munching on his dinner, still unaware of how much his words have changed Zhangjing's mood. Still beautiful under the dim lights.

Zhangjing sighed quietly. His well-made dish of pasta didn't look that inviting anymore.


	32. What is love to you?

Therapy sessions were unpleasant at first. He was inexperienced and couldn't take control of his eye movements. He got home tired and trembling, rushing to his room while trying his best not to be seen by his parents. He would fall down on his bed, and eventually, find the sheet under his face becoming drenched with teardrops.

 

However, it took less than two sessions for him to find ways to control his eye movements, to slow them down intentionally. The result was amazing. His traumatic experience didn't seem that horrifying anymore. Still unpleasant and stressful, but not like how it used to be before. His nightmares were becoming less frequent, and he felt like he could easily talk about that past.

He practiced at home too, and it helped with his process a lot. Before his first final exam, he had the best night's sleep in a few years.

 

The only thing that was not going his way was his heart. His feelings for Yanjun were getting stronger every day that passed, and it was getting to the point of distraction in his daily chores.

 

"You're going to pierce through this desk and ruin uni's properties which will bring you some trouble, just saying."

He heard Dinghao's voice as if he was standing at the end of a tunnel. He looked down and saw that he has been pressing his pen on the wooden desk so hard that it was starting to produce a hole.

"Are you okay? You seem pretty distracted."

Dinghao asked, concerned. Zhangjing nodded, trying to smile.

"I'm fine. When's the next exam?"

He asked, trying to change the subject.

 

"In 30 minutes. We have two exams today. Dude are you really okay?"

Dinghao frowned.

Well, damn it.

"Oh, the time passed so quickly! Well, I'm gonna go get some water to drink. Wow, I'm thirsty."

Zhangjing jumped up, sprinting away. He hardly heard Dinghao's surprised _'but your water bottle is right here.'_

 

He fished his phone out of his jeans' pocket, texting Zhengting.

 

 **Brat** :

Zhengting

Zhengting answer me

Zhengting

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

What

 

 **Brat** :

Zhengting

Zhengting what should I do

Zhengting I'm so distracted I'm gonna fail all my exams

Zhengting

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Will you chill out for a second?

What is it exactly

 

 **Brat** :

Yanjun

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Am I even surprised?

 

Brat:

S h ut u p

I can't concentrate at all

First day of exams was okay

But I'm pretty sure I wrote total none sense on my morning paper today

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Things that happen to you when you don't see Yanjun for a week

I told you

I told you that you should meet up with him and not to lock yourself in your room, studying

 

 **Brat** :

First of all

10 days excuse you

And secondly

I did leave my room and I did go out

I'm not a vampire I don't escape daylight

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

If you say so

I think you should call him and arrange a date

 

 **Brat** :

A what

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Oh come on

You two go to restaurants, cafés, and etc all the time

Just the two of you

Acting all cute

 

 **Brat** :

oh mY GOD NO

those are NOT dates

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Okay whatever

Just go out and have a cup of tea or something together

 

 **Brat** :

I think I'm gonna do that

I can't risk my exams and my degree

I can't believe I'm like this because of him

Oh my GOD

I hate this I HATE THIS

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

You're so whipped for him, aren't you?

 

 **Brat** :

Shut up

 

 **Zhuzhu** :

Whipped

__________

 

Yanjun greeted him with his usual blinding smile in the park they decided to spend time in during the evening. He was holding a thick book in one hand, his index finger stuck between two pages as the book was half closed to mark where he was reading. Zhangjing's heart started racing as expected, and with a smile, he crossed the street and went to Yanjun.

"How was your exam?"

Yanjun asked, beaming.

Zhangjing just shrugged. He looked at the book and pointed at it.

"What's that?"

He asked.

"A book,"

Yanjun said playfully. Zhangjing rolled his eyes.

"I know. I mean what's the name and what's it about."

 

Yanjun held the book in front of his chest and said: "Oh I took this from the library. It's called _On The Reality Of Love_. Some really interesting things about love, from a philosophical point of view."

Zhangjing looked at the book with curiosity.

"Is it a translated version?"

He asked.

Yanjun nodded. "It's originally in Persian, written by Shahab al-Din Suhrawardi. Such a unique name, isn't it? I came across it rather unexpectedly. Wanted some books to help me with writing an article but ended up with this."

He looked at the book in his hand proudly.

 

They walked as Yanjun passionately talked about the ideas in the book, and Zhangjing listened carefully.

"The author says _love doesn't visit and stay in everywhere, neither does it accept everyone._ The word Love is meant to be about pure love for God, but I think it can be somehow said about the love between people as well,"

Yanjun said enthusiastically.

"That's interesting,"

Zhangjing smiled.

"By reading this, I figured out that in ancient literature and philosophy, true love meant becoming one with your lover. And by that, they mean dying for your lover. Becoming one with God means living everything behind. I can't truly catch that concept, for I am not a scholar. But even in human love, I think that's really amazing and understandable."

Yanjun said dreamily.

 

They sat on a bench, where they could perfectly see the pink and violet sky, the horizon slightly redder than the rosy pink on the background.

"And what do you think?"

Yanjun asked, deeply immersed in the beautiful scenery above them.

"Huh?"

Zhangjing asked, also distracted by the colors of the sky.

"What do you think true love is?"

Yanjun was now looking at him, eyes fixed on the latter's. Zhangjing felt his heart slam against his chest, and his breath nearly got caught in his throat.

 

Yanjun's fringes have fallen on his eyebrows, his eyelashes shadowing his cheekbones a bit. He looked ethereal under the sunset lights. His lips were pink and glossy, slightly parted as the last word escaped from his mouth, waiting for Zhangjing's answer.

Zhangjing swallowed and averted his eyes to Yanjun's eyes once again, then to the sky.

"I think true love is when you see that person in everything beautiful around you."

He turned to Yanjun. He was still looking at him.

"When you can only imagine yourself being happy if they are by your side,"

He continued. The spring breeze slowly brushed across their skins, landing small flower petals between them.

 

"When you trust them with your whole being, and you're ready to risk it all for them. Because you know, you are sure, that they would do the same for you."

Zhangjing finished, and he found himself not even trying to escape Yanjun's gaze this time. He was listening earnestly, not smiling but something different was in his eyes. Something Zhangjing couldn't grasp but was making him feel dizzy, ready to fall down and drown in it.

 

"Have you?"

Yanjun asked after what felt like an eternity, yet a brief moment.

"Have you ever fallen in love?"

 

Zhangjing looked at his interwind fingers.

"Love and trust are laced together. Love cannot survive in the absence of trust."

Yanjun remained silent.

"What about you?"

Zhangjing asked, shifting a bit in his seat in order to face Yanjun properly. 

Yanjun didn't answer immediately.

"I would say yes if I was asked this question earlier. But..."

He stopped, eyes fixed on the sky, now painted with crimson and golden hues.

"But?"

Zhangjing asked patiently. Yanjun returned his gaze to him, staring deeply into his eyes.

"Now I'm not sure whether what I felt in the past was love."

 

The world fell silent around him. Zhangjing felt paralyzed. He wanted to run away, from Yanjun who was looking at him with so much warmth and yet with so much doubt, and from his own feelings that were overflowing, but he couldn't. He wanted to close the gap between the two of them, calm his racing heart and escape from the twilight zone he's been trapped in for months now, but he _couldn't_.

He closed his eyes, unable to take it anymore, to look at Yanjun's face, and make a decision he might regret.

He just realized how scared he was... _of losing Yanjun_.

Staying there next to him wouldn't have any good outcome at that moment.

 

"Shall we leave before it gets dark? I have to study for my next exam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this somehow makes up for the previous friend-zone chapter asdfghjkl  
> Do y'all feel somehting FINALLY happening soon hmmm?


	33. Pavement and flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiiiiiiii   
> So I decided to update this early chapter because...  
> TODAY'S MY BIRTHDAY YAYYYYY🎉  
> I thought I should upload this special chapter on a special day for me like today uwu. Next chapter will be up in 6 days probably.
> 
> Also my university entrance exam is in 5 days ugh. Spent my birthday feeling sad because I couldn't study AT ALL since I was stressed and tired, which made me even more stressed and tired lol. But I think editing this chapter kinda made me feel better.  
> Thanks for supporting me and showing this fic so much love up until now, it makes me really happy.   
> okay enough ranting. I hope you like this chapter💕

Zhangjing was a mess. Zhengting kept reminding him. He couldn't sleep properly, he couldn't eat properly, and he was really suffering while trying to pass his exams.

He hadn't talked to Yanjun since the evening they spent at the park, and it's been one week. The last thing he said to him was via text message, saying that he was going to turn off his phone during the exam season. That was a lie, of course. He just put his phone on airplane mode and mentally promised himself not to text Yanjun or call him. For how long, he wasn't sure. For what, he also didn't know. All he could figure out was that his feelings for Yanjun were getting too strong and he was afraid. If Yanjun turned him down him...if he said he never felt the same...

He didn't want to think of it.

 

He had canceled his therapy appointment yesterday. He couldn't concentrate at all, and his priorities were sorted differently this time.

Zhi Ruo had entered his room without knocking or asking for permission earlier today. She wanted to know what on earth was actually wrong with him. Why wasn't he eating and sleeping properly and why did he look like a ghost. Zhangjing didn't know what to say, so he didn't. Zhi Ruo had asked whether it was something to do with Yanjun, and he had remained silent.

In the end, he gave up and said that there was something he wanted to do, but was too afraid of the outcome. It could be amazing or it could be a disaster. After a moment of silence, Zhi Ruo had said: "You will regret it if it turns out the exact opposite way you want it to. You will also regret it if you never try. However, there is a fifty percent chance of success in doing it. There is none in avoiding it."

 

Her words were echoing in his ears. He clenched his hair, trying to slow down his mind for a second. It didn't work.

_That was enough._

He jumped up as if his bed has turned into boiling water all of a sudden. He grabbed his phone, turned off the airplane mode and dialed Zhengting.

 

"Oh wow look who finally decided to leave the cave! Zhangjing honestly what the-"

"Try to find out when Yanjun will be done with work."

"Excuse me?"

"Please..."

"I mean, yeah okay but what do you even mean by that? You wanna know when he'll leave work at evening?"

"Yes. Yes, I exactly need that information."

There was a pause.

"Hmmmm...but how am I supposed to know?"

"You know the whole city! You have the widest group of friends. Oh my God Zhengting please, this is urgent."

Zhangjing was one second away from crying out in desperation. Zhengting has noticed that too because his usual untroubled and easy-going tone turned completely serious.

"I'll see what I can do. I'll call you if I find something."

 

Zhangjing sighed, relieved.

"Thank you."

Zhengting hung up.

He called again in less than ten minutes.

 

"He'll be done in about thirty minutes and he takes the subway home."

Zhengting said proudly, happy with his success in gathering the information Zhangjing wanted.

"Thirty minutes...subway...okay thank you!"

He didn't wait for a reply and hung up, running to his closet to pick something to wear. He grabbed the half-finished energy drink on his desk and drank it in a second. He needed the adrenaline.

 

To avoid the heavy traffic, he took the subway to Yanjun's workplace, which wasn't that far.

He sprinted towards the building the moment he left the subway station. It was about time Yanjun left work.

When he reached the tall building's entrance, Yanjun wasn't there. He checked the time. It was 6:30. He would leave these doors at any moment-

"Zhangjing!"

Zhangjing turned his head around too quickly that he heard every single joint cry in pain.

Yanjun closed the entrance door behind him and walked to Zhangjing with his usual smile. Zhangjing realized he'd never seen him at work. He was wearing a white dress shirt, sleeves carefully rolled up, and black dress pants.

 

Zhangjing tried to force a smile despite everything that was going on in his mind and heart.

"What a lovely surprise! What brings you here?"

Yanjun asked, now standing right in front of him, his suit resting on his forearm.

"I...I wanted to congratulate you!"

Zhangjing blurted out. Yanjun looked confused.

"On what?"

 

Zhangjing pointed at the building.

"This."

Yanjun let out a laugh, which magically calmed Zhangjing nerves to some point.

"Thanks. You've congratulated me before though."

Zhangjing started coughing.

"Do you always leave work at this time?"

He asked, trying to gather himself. Yanjun shook his head.

"I usually leave at seven. I had fewer things to do today, so I left earlier. How did you know about my work hours?"

 

Zhangjing hadn't prepared any answers to possible questions that would arise upon his surprise visit.

"Ah...I was just...It was just a lucky guess, I suppose?"

He laughed anxiously, trying his best to sound normal. Yanjun nodded, looking slightly concerned.

"But are you okay? You seem a bit...tired."

Yes, Zhangjing being the idiot he's been for all these years, have forgotten to put on makeup and cover the dark bags under his eyes.

"I'm fine,"

He said.

"How is work? Do you like it here?"

He wanted to procrastinate with what he came here for as much as he could, and he couldn't think of anything better. They slowly started to walk towards the subway station with Yanjun taking the lead. He took a different path than what Zhangjing had taken, and soon they were walking on a wide pavement with tall trees and green bushes on one side, and fresh grass-covered area on the other side.

"I found this two days after starting my job here. It's like one of those pavements in fairytales. The ones that lead to a mysterious house. But this was just made as a healing area for the employees, to enjoy their walk from the subway to work and vice versa."

Zhangjing looked at the red rose bushes on the other side and said: "it's beautiful."

 

"I know, right? And it's never really crowded since it is a bit longer than the original path, and most people just go for the quick way to reach the subway. It's one of the things I love the most about working here. I was dying to tell you about it but you were studying and out of reach."

Yanjun ended his energetic speech with something that was supposed to be a fake upset face but he looked more like a sulking kid. Zhangjing didn't say anything.

 

"Speaking of studying, how are your exams going? Acing every single one, huh?"

Yanjun asked playfully. Zhangjing would laugh if he had the energy to.

"They're going well. How about your job? Is it good?"

He asked, trying to change the subject. It worked because Yanjun immediately started talking about his experiences in his new workplace with so much passion. Zhangjing felt bad for not listening. He was trying to, but he was too distracted. Distracted by Yanjun's sparkling eyes, his blinding smile, his adorable dimples, and his rosy lips. He was also distracted by his loud heartbeats, so he couldn't hear the world around him.

He realized Yanjun has stopped talking and was looking at him with a small frown.

"Are you even listening to me?"

He asked, slowing down. Zhangjing mentally slapped himself a few times.

"I- yes? Oh I..I'm sorry."

Zhangjing stuttered. Yanjun stopped walking, so did Zhangjing, but with a little bit of delay.

"Are you okay?"

Yanjun asked, the slightly annoyed expression from a few seconds ago completely washed away now.

 

"Yes. Y-yes I'm fine."

Zhangjing kept stuttering and he hated it.

Yanjun looked at him with concern, in the way that Zhangjing felt his soul was transparent in front of him and he couldn't hide anything.

"Are you sure? Is there something-"

 

"Yes!"

Zhangjing blurted out, louder than he intended to. Yanjun seemed a bit taken aback.

"Yes, there is something I need to talk about..."

He continued, more reserved this time. Yanjun nodded, asking him to go on.

 

"Something I...I need to tell you..."

Zhangjing's heart was helplessly slamming against his chest, crying for ease. There was no turning back now.

"Please don't...please don't avoid me after this, okay?"

It sounded pathetic. It sounded pathetic and desperate but that was the best way to put it into words. All he wanted at that point was not to be left behind by Yanjun.

 

"You're starting to scare me...What has happened, Zhangjing?"

Yanjun looked genuinely worried now.

Zhangjing took a breath. It would be over soon. It might cost losing Yanjun, but it might cost losing Yanjun _and_ himself if he backed off now.

 

"I like you."


End file.
